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Steven Wright Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
It’s very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, maybe ten seconds. My thing is to get the joke across in as few words as possible. However, sometimes a word that’s not really needed does help the rhythm of it. It’s a gut feeling. (Steven Wright Quotes)
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. (Steven Wright Quotes)
I went to the hardware store to buy some batteries, but they weren’t included, so I had to buy them again. (Steven Wright Quotes)
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering (Steven Wright Quotes)
I intend to live forever. So far, so good (Steven Wright Quotes)
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything (Steven Wright Quotes)
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country (Steven Wright Quotes)
What's another word for Thesaurus? (Steven Wright Quotes)
How young can you die of old age? (Steven Wright Quotes)
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths (Steven Wright Quotes)
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included (Steven Wright Quotes)
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone (Steven Wright Quotes)
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time (Steven Wright Quotes)
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding (Steven Wright Quotes)
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done (Steven Wright Quotes)
If God dropped acid, would he see people? (Steven Wright Quotes)
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere (Steven Wright Quotes)
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time (Steven Wright Quotes)
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research (Steven Wright Quotes)
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious! (Steven Wright Quotes)
If you can’t hear me, it’s because I’m in parentheses (Steven Wright Quotes)
It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it (Steven Wright Quotes)
I just have a relationship with my imagination. It’s like my friend, almost (Steven Wright Quotes)
I haven’t changed at all. I’m the same as when I was 11 (Steven Wright Quotes)
Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh (Steven Wright Quotes)
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears (Steven Wright Quotes)
The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows (Steven Wright Quotes)
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing (Steven Wright Quotes)
I don’t have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once (Steven Wright Quotes)
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? (Steven Wright Quotes)