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Steven Wright Quotes

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it Picture Quote #1

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it Picture Quote #1

I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I’m an idiot Picture Quote #1

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you Picture Quote #1

My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I’m much more expressive off stage Picture Quote #1

What I like about the jokes, to me it’s a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won’t be funny Picture Quote #1

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Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn’t give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn’t seem right Picture Quote #1

I don’t like politicians, and I don’t like politics. I definitely don’t want to be associated with any of them Picture Quote #1

I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it Picture Quote #1

I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don’t Picture Quote #1

I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I’m really thinking about Picture Quote #1

I was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom Picture Quote #1

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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That’s still what I am doing. The end Picture Quote #1

I’m seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There’s no black and white to it. But sometimes I’m seeing it like I’m 4 Picture Quote #1

One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him Picture Quote #1

Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can’t predict what people will laugh at Picture Quote #1

To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It’s commenting or observing or twisting life Picture Quote #1

When I was 16... I worked in a pet store. And they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them Picture Quote #1

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I’m standing behind a wall of jokes. You don’t know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I’m not on the road. There’s this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don’t know anything about me Picture Quote #1

I don’t go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it’s contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me Picture Quote #1

I didn’t tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn’t happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years Picture Quote #1

I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I’m very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I’m feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It’s gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be Picture Quote #1

I wear a hat on stage so that people won’t be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don’t wear a hat, there’s no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage Picture Quote #1

In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you’d get here and then everything would be happily ever after. But, it’s hard work, almost harder once you’re successful because you’ve got to maintain it Picture Quote #1

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People may think I’m trying something new by telling stories, but they’re just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That’s what I do Picture Quote #1

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That’s what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor Picture Quote #1

It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself Picture Quote #1

You know how it is when you’re reading a book and falling asleep, you’re reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I’m like that all the time Picture Quote #1

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don’t accidentally walk through into another dimension Picture Quote #1

When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I’d tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn’t obey Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it (Steven Wright Quotes) I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it (Steven Wright Quotes) I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I’m an idiot (Steven Wright Quotes) If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you (Steven Wright Quotes) My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I’m much more expressive off stage (Steven Wright Quotes) What I like about the jokes, to me it’s a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won’t be funny (Steven Wright Quotes) Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn’t give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn’t seem right (Steven Wright Quotes) I don’t like politicians, and I don’t like politics. I definitely don’t want to be associated with any of them (Steven Wright Quotes) I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it (Steven Wright Quotes) I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don’t (Steven Wright Quotes) I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I’m really thinking about (Steven Wright Quotes) I was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom (Steven Wright Quotes) I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That’s still what I am doing. The end (Steven Wright Quotes) I’m seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There’s no black and white to it. But sometimes I’m seeing it like I’m 4 (Steven Wright Quotes) One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him (Steven Wright Quotes) Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can’t predict what people will laugh at (Steven Wright Quotes) To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It’s commenting or observing or twisting life (Steven Wright Quotes) When I was 16... I worked in a pet store. And they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them (Steven Wright Quotes) I’m standing behind a wall of jokes. You don’t know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I’m not on the road. There’s this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don’t know anything about me (Steven Wright Quotes) I don’t go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it’s contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me (Steven Wright Quotes) I didn’t tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn’t happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years (Steven Wright Quotes) I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I’m very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I’m feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It’s gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be (Steven Wright Quotes) I wear a hat on stage so that people won’t be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don’t wear a hat, there’s no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage (Steven Wright Quotes) In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you’d get here and then everything would be happily ever after. But, it’s hard work, almost harder once you’re successful because you’ve got to maintain it (Steven Wright Quotes) People may think I’m trying something new by telling stories, but they’re just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That’s what I do (Steven Wright Quotes) You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That’s what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor (Steven Wright Quotes) It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself (Steven Wright Quotes) You know how it is when you’re reading a book and falling asleep, you’re reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I’m like that all the time (Steven Wright Quotes) I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don’t accidentally walk through into another dimension (Steven Wright Quotes) When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I’d tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn’t obey (Steven Wright Quotes)

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