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Jay Leno Quotes

Howard Dean is a politician, a medical doctor and a Democrat. So he has three reasons to tell women to take off their clothes now Picture Quote #1

At the G-20 summit, the White House accidentally listed a phone-sex line for journalists seeking an on-record briefing call for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. To which Bill said, ‘Boy, did they get the wrong number.’ Picture Quote #1

People made a big deal out of the fact this is the first time a sitting president has done a late-night show. We tried to have other presidents on, but President Bush went to bed every night at 9:00. And President Clinton always seemed to have other late-night plans Picture Quote #1

Today the Secretary of State said that of the 247 candidates, so far 115 of them have been certified. How embarrassing is that? Imagine if you were turned down because you didn’t meet the high standards set by Larry Flynt and Gallagher Picture Quote #1

As if this whole thing isn’t confusing enough, election officials announced this week that the alphabet on the ballot will begin with the letter R, then W, then Q. You know, even Sesame Street is laughing at California now Picture Quote #1

When we finally have this recall election in October, there could be as many as 200 people on the ballot. And you know what’s really scary? Most of them don’t know the first thing about driving a state into bankruptcy. They’re not experts like Governor Gray Davis Picture Quote #1

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As you may have heard, former President Bill Clinton says he’s coming here to California to help Governor Gray Davis in his recall election campaign. Which is ironic, isn’t it? When Clinton was president, he couldn’t recall anything Picture Quote #1

I went to see the Terminator movie the other night. Every time Arnold Schwarzenegger came on the screen this guy in front of me went ‘Booo! Booo!’ and was throwing stuff. I had to say ‘Governor Davis just shut up and sit down!’ Picture Quote #1

President Bush admitted that the United States went to war in Iraq based on bad intelligence. But he says knowing what we know now he would still do it again. So at least we’re learning from our mistakes Picture Quote #1

According to CNN, Donald Rumsfeld said the war in Iraq did not go according to plan. And President Bush said, ‘What? We had a plan?’ Picture Quote #1

The United States military is now using the music of Metallica and other heavy metal bands to break the will of Saddam Hussein supporters to get them to talk. Theyre blaring heavy metal music at them. That should make the artist feel pretty good, huh? Put your heart and soul into your last CD and the Army is using it to torture people Picture Quote #1

The Iraqis sat down for talks on how to put together a post-war government. They would have sat down yesterday, but somebody stole all their couches Picture Quote #1

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For the first time the people of Iraq are united. Today on CNN I saw a Kurd, a Shiite and a member of the Republican Guard coming together to cart off a big screen TV Picture Quote #1

BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just like to get his life back. He wants to get his life back. You know, I say give him life plus 20 Picture Quote #1

The latest report is that Osama bin Laden has shaved his beard, is wearing Western clothes and has had plastic surgery. Isn’t that amazing? The guy has made just two videos and he’s already gone Hollywood Picture Quote #1

According to the New York Daily News, Geraldo said he is now carrying a gun, and he will personally shoot Osama bin Laden if he finds him. If Osama also has a gun, this could work out okay Picture Quote #1

There’s a new Osama bin Laden video. He’s the only person that is looking thin during the holidays. How does he do it? I think he’s going to Jenny Craig Picture Quote #1

More bad news for the Taliban. Remember how they are promised 72 virgins when they die? Turns out that it’s only one 72-year-old virgin Picture Quote #1

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Know what the Taliban leaders like to do for fun? Just sit around and get bombed Picture Quote #1

How many have seen that Osama bin Laden footage? Pretty scary. In fact, today, NBC ordered 13 more episodes Picture Quote #1

Bin Laden was once targeted by President Clinton. President Clinton wanted to kill him but couldn’t get him. Of course not, we all know what kind of aim Clinton has Picture Quote #1

The leaders of the Taliban said today that killing bin Laden won’t solve the problem. But, you know, it couldn’t hurt Picture Quote #1

More and more facts coming out about Osama bin Laden. You know, he never sleeps in the same place two nights in a row, just like Clinton Picture Quote #1

More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Osama bin Laden. Time reports this week he was one of 52 kids. Mother must be exhausted. This guy inherited $80 million at age 13 and has since expanded it to $300 million through construction, smart investments and gas and oil investments. This way, he can use the money in his war against capitalism Picture Quote #1

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We are in a code orange. Homeland Security said earlier today that everyone should have a roll of duct tape and plastic sheeting to protect your house in event of terrorist attacks. Who came up with this idea? MacGyver? Picture Quote #1

This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said this will only increase anti-American feelings in the Mideast. Is that possible? Gee, you hate to have people dislike us for no reason. Things were going so well Picture Quote #1

It happened again this week. Hundreds of people had to be evacuated from O’Hare Airport in Chicago. Seems every time somebody went through with a weapon, the metal detectors accidentally went off Picture Quote #1

The federal government said today they’ve begun training sessions for airport security workers to provide what they call more customer satisfaction to the travels, they want to make it easier for us. They’re instructing security guards to glance at your luggage tags so that they can call you by your first name. Isn’t that creepy? The guy touching your wife, calling her by her first name Picture Quote #1

I flew this past weekend. I went through airport security and said to the guy, ‘Is everything okay?’ He said, ‘You might want to have that mole on your ass checked out.’ That seems a little personal to me Picture Quote #1

A lot of people are now criticizing Attorney General John Ashcroft for his policy on detaining what he considers suspicious people. I think he’s going a little overboard. Today, he arrested the entire band Foreigner Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

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Text Quotes

Howard Dean is a politician, a medical doctor and a Democrat. So he has three reasons to tell women to take off their clothes now (Jay Leno Quotes) At the G-20 summit, the White House accidentally listed a phone-sex line for journalists seeking an on-record briefing call for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. To which Bill said, ‘Boy, did they get the wrong number.’ (Jay Leno Quotes) People made a big deal out of the fact this is the first time a sitting president has done a late-night show. We tried to have other presidents on, but President Bush went to bed every night at 9:00. And President Clinton always seemed to have other late-night plans (Jay Leno Quotes) Today the Secretary of State said that of the 247 candidates, so far 115 of them have been certified. How embarrassing is that? Imagine if you were turned down because you didn’t meet the high standards set by Larry Flynt and Gallagher (Jay Leno Quotes) As if this whole thing isn’t confusing enough, election officials announced this week that the alphabet on the ballot will begin with the letter R, then W, then Q. You know, even Sesame Street is laughing at California now (Jay Leno Quotes) When we finally have this recall election in October, there could be as many as 200 people on the ballot. And you know what’s really scary? Most of them don’t know the first thing about driving a state into bankruptcy. They’re not experts like Governor Gray Davis (Jay Leno Quotes) As you may have heard, former President Bill Clinton says he’s coming here to California to help Governor Gray Davis in his recall election campaign. Which is ironic, isn’t it? When Clinton was president, he couldn’t recall anything (Jay Leno Quotes) I went to see the Terminator movie the other night. Every time Arnold Schwarzenegger came on the screen this guy in front of me went ‘Booo! Booo!’ and was throwing stuff. I had to say ‘Governor Davis just shut up and sit down!’ (Jay Leno Quotes) President Bush admitted that the United States went to war in Iraq based on bad intelligence. But he says knowing what we know now he would still do it again. So at least we’re learning from our mistakes (Jay Leno Quotes) According to CNN, Donald Rumsfeld said the war in Iraq did not go according to plan. And President Bush said, ‘What? We had a plan?’ (Jay Leno Quotes) The United States military is now using the music of Metallica and other heavy metal bands to break the will of Saddam Hussein supporters to get them to talk. Theyre blaring heavy metal music at them. That should make the artist feel pretty good, huh? Put your heart and soul into your last CD and the Army is using it to torture people (Jay Leno Quotes) The Iraqis sat down for talks on how to put together a post-war government. They would have sat down yesterday, but somebody stole all their couches (Jay Leno Quotes) For the first time the people of Iraq are united. Today on CNN I saw a Kurd, a Shiite and a member of the Republican Guard coming together to cart off a big screen TV (Jay Leno Quotes) BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just like to get his life back. He wants to get his life back. You know, I say give him life plus 20 (Jay Leno Quotes) The latest report is that Osama bin Laden has shaved his beard, is wearing Western clothes and has had plastic surgery. Isn’t that amazing? The guy has made just two videos and he’s already gone Hollywood (Jay Leno Quotes) According to the New York Daily News, Geraldo said he is now carrying a gun, and he will personally shoot Osama bin Laden if he finds him. If Osama also has a gun, this could work out okay (Jay Leno Quotes) There’s a new Osama bin Laden video. He’s the only person that is looking thin during the holidays. How does he do it? I think he’s going to Jenny Craig (Jay Leno Quotes) More bad news for the Taliban. Remember how they are promised 72 virgins when they die? Turns out that it’s only one 72-year-old virgin (Jay Leno Quotes) Know what the Taliban leaders like to do for fun? Just sit around and get bombed (Jay Leno Quotes) How many have seen that Osama bin Laden footage? Pretty scary. In fact, today, NBC ordered 13 more episodes (Jay Leno Quotes) Bin Laden was once targeted by President Clinton. President Clinton wanted to kill him but couldn’t get him. Of course not, we all know what kind of aim Clinton has (Jay Leno Quotes) The leaders of the Taliban said today that killing bin Laden won’t solve the problem. But, you know, it couldn’t hurt (Jay Leno Quotes) More and more facts coming out about Osama bin Laden. You know, he never sleeps in the same place two nights in a row, just like Clinton (Jay Leno Quotes) More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Osama bin Laden. Time reports this week he was one of 52 kids. Mother must be exhausted. This guy inherited $80 million at age 13 and has since expanded it to $300 million through construction, smart investments and gas and oil investments. This way, he can use the money in his war against capitalism (Jay Leno Quotes) We are in a code orange. Homeland Security said earlier today that everyone should have a roll of duct tape and plastic sheeting to protect your house in event of terrorist attacks. Who came up with this idea? MacGyver? (Jay Leno Quotes) This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said this will only increase anti-American feelings in the Mideast. Is that possible? Gee, you hate to have people dislike us for no reason. Things were going so well (Jay Leno Quotes) It happened again this week. Hundreds of people had to be evacuated from O’Hare Airport in Chicago. Seems every time somebody went through with a weapon, the metal detectors accidentally went off (Jay Leno Quotes) The federal government said today they’ve begun training sessions for airport security workers to provide what they call more customer satisfaction to the travels, they want to make it easier for us. They’re instructing security guards to glance at your luggage tags so that they can call you by your first name. Isn’t that creepy? The guy touching your wife, calling her by her first name (Jay Leno Quotes) I flew this past weekend. I went through airport security and said to the guy, ‘Is everything okay?’ He said, ‘You might want to have that mole on your ass checked out.’ That seems a little personal to me (Jay Leno Quotes) A lot of people are now criticizing Attorney General John Ashcroft for his policy on detaining what he considers suspicious people. I think he’s going a little overboard. Today, he arrested the entire band Foreigner (Jay Leno Quotes)

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