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Jay Leno Quotes

Gary Condit is on the Congressional committee for Homeland Security. They make the guy responsible for Homeland Security who is the guy no one would feel secure going home with Picture Quote #1

Yesterday Gary Condit spent the whole day attending an agricultural meeting. Boy, that’s when you know a congressman’s in real trouble: when he spends the whole day actually working Picture Quote #1

That must be strange, cheating on your wife with a flight attendant. They’re in bed and she’s says, ‘In the event that wife should come home early please notice the location of the nearest emergency exit.’ Picture Quote #1

You know, it shows how old I am. I can remember the good old days when the president picked the Supreme Court justices instead of the other way around Picture Quote #1

Congratulations to Mexico. They upset Brazil to win a gold medal in men’s soccer. And after the Olympics ended, the Mexican soccer team, of course, returned home to their houses here in Los Angeles Picture Quote #1

The first Olympic Games were held in 776 BC. Do you know who lit the flame? Betty White Picture Quote #1

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The Queen of England jumped out of a helicopter and parachuted into the stadium. What was even more amazing was when Prince Charles flew in using his ears as a hang glider Picture Quote #1

In the spirit of the Olympic Games, they traditionally ask that all fighting and warfare around the world stop. So, there’s hope for a ceasefire within the Jackson family Picture Quote #1

Well, Harry Reid and other members of congress, they’re just furious over this Olympic uniform deal. He says we should burn the uniforms, and it’s an embarrassment and a disgrace. Not as embarrassing as congress constantly borrowing money from the Chinese, but still embarrassing Picture Quote #1

The healthcare reform bill now includes a tanning booth tax of 10 percent. You know what this means? This whole thing could be funded by the cast of ‘Jersey Shore.’ Picture Quote #1

President Obama has announced a task force to review the tax codes. He’s concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that’s just in his administration Picture Quote #1

(The Weakest Link) is fascinating program. They ask a bunch of people questions and they keep getting rid of the dumbest person, so just the smartest person is left. It is kind of the opposite way we elect a president Picture Quote #1

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We had President Obama on the show last night. I think the president enjoys visiting NBC because we’re the only place that has lower numbers than he does Picture Quote #1

Rick Perry unveiled his new tax plan. He says he wants a flat tax. He believes that tax should be flat, just like the earth Picture Quote #1

Warren Buffett’s company reportedly owes the IRS a billion dollars in back taxes. When he said he wasn’t paying enough taxes, he wasn’t kidding Picture Quote #1

Chris Christie has officially endorsed Mitt Romney for president. Christie said President Obama is ‘shrinking the American pie.’ And believe me, if there’s one thing Christie hates, it’s a small pie Picture Quote #1

Arnold said this is a last minute attack by Democrats. How did Arnold know to grope only Democrats? Picture Quote #1

Arnold Schwarzenegger made his tax returns public, [and] now there’s a problem about him stretching the truth. Apparently under occupation he put down ‘actor.’ Picture Quote #1

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Today Arnold Schwarzenegger made another major announcement. He said his lieutenant governor will be Xena, Warrior Princess Picture Quote #1

If Arnold is elected, you know who I’d feel sorry for? The people on death row. Imagine, you’re about to be executed, the governor calls, you think it’s your reprieve, and you hear ‘Hasta la vista, baby.’ Picture Quote #1

The Sacramento Bee is reporting that Arnold Schwarzenegger is not going to run for governor. You know what would be better? Arnold should do what he does in the Terminator movies. He should go back in time and prevent Gray Davis from ever being born. That way you wouldn’t have the problem Picture Quote #1

There’s all this talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, you know where he is now? Visiting Mexico, which I think means that he is definitely going to run for governor. Arnold is smart. He’s in Mexico campaigning with the very people who’ll be living here by election time Picture Quote #1

You know who Boehner is, right? He’s that orange looking guy. See, for Republicans that counts as diversity Picture Quote #1

Barack Obama said yesterday that the economy was ‘going to get worse before it gets better.’ See, that’s when you know the campaign is really over. Remember before the election? ‘The audacity of hope!’ ‘Yes, we can!’ ‘A change we can believe in!’ Now it’s, ‘We’re all screwed.’ Picture Quote #1

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Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind Picture Quote #1

Barack Obama’s mother-in-law might be moving into the White House with him. Joe Biden was right. Hostile forces will test him in the first few months Picture Quote #1

I tell you, the economy is in bad shape. In fact, the economy is so bad, President Barack Obama’s new slogan is ‘Spare Change You Can Believe In.’ Picture Quote #1

I don’t know why it’s so hard to believe women. You to go Saudi Arabia and you need two women to testify against a man. Here you need 25 Picture Quote #1

Pundits are saying that President Obama is starting to lose support among his own party. To give you an idea of how bad it’s gotten, today Jimmy Carter compared him to Jimmy Carter Picture Quote #1

Remember when Obama was campaigning? Didn’t he say he was going to close Guantanamo Bay? Didn’t he say that? Apparently, he just meant for renovations Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Gary Condit is on the Congressional committee for Homeland Security. They make the guy responsible for Homeland Security who is the guy no one would feel secure going home with (Jay Leno Quotes) Yesterday Gary Condit spent the whole day attending an agricultural meeting. Boy, that’s when you know a congressman’s in real trouble: when he spends the whole day actually working (Jay Leno Quotes) That must be strange, cheating on your wife with a flight attendant. They’re in bed and she’s says, ‘In the event that wife should come home early please notice the location of the nearest emergency exit.’ (Jay Leno Quotes) You know, it shows how old I am. I can remember the good old days when the president picked the Supreme Court justices instead of the other way around (Jay Leno Quotes) Congratulations to Mexico. They upset Brazil to win a gold medal in men’s soccer. And after the Olympics ended, the Mexican soccer team, of course, returned home to their houses here in Los Angeles (Jay Leno Quotes) The first Olympic Games were held in 776 BC. Do you know who lit the flame? Betty White (Jay Leno Quotes) The Queen of England jumped out of a helicopter and parachuted into the stadium. What was even more amazing was when Prince Charles flew in using his ears as a hang glider (Jay Leno Quotes) In the spirit of the Olympic Games, they traditionally ask that all fighting and warfare around the world stop. So, there’s hope for a ceasefire within the Jackson family (Jay Leno Quotes) Well, Harry Reid and other members of congress, they’re just furious over this Olympic uniform deal. He says we should burn the uniforms, and it’s an embarrassment and a disgrace. Not as embarrassing as congress constantly borrowing money from the Chinese, but still embarrassing (Jay Leno Quotes) The healthcare reform bill now includes a tanning booth tax of 10 percent. You know what this means? This whole thing could be funded by the cast of ‘Jersey Shore.’ (Jay Leno Quotes) President Obama has announced a task force to review the tax codes. He’s concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that’s just in his administration (Jay Leno Quotes) (The Weakest Link) is fascinating program. They ask a bunch of people questions and they keep getting rid of the dumbest person, so just the smartest person is left. It is kind of the opposite way we elect a president (Jay Leno Quotes) We had President Obama on the show last night. I think the president enjoys visiting NBC because we’re the only place that has lower numbers than he does (Jay Leno Quotes) Rick Perry unveiled his new tax plan. He says he wants a flat tax. He believes that tax should be flat, just like the earth (Jay Leno Quotes) Warren Buffett’s company reportedly owes the IRS a billion dollars in back taxes. When he said he wasn’t paying enough taxes, he wasn’t kidding (Jay Leno Quotes) Chris Christie has officially endorsed Mitt Romney for president. Christie said President Obama is ‘shrinking the American pie.’ And believe me, if there’s one thing Christie hates, it’s a small pie (Jay Leno Quotes) Arnold said this is a last minute attack by Democrats. How did Arnold know to grope only Democrats? (Jay Leno Quotes) Arnold Schwarzenegger made his tax returns public, [and] now there’s a problem about him stretching the truth. Apparently under occupation he put down ‘actor.’ (Jay Leno Quotes) Today Arnold Schwarzenegger made another major announcement. He said his lieutenant governor will be Xena, Warrior Princess (Jay Leno Quotes) If Arnold is elected, you know who I’d feel sorry for? The people on death row. Imagine, you’re about to be executed, the governor calls, you think it’s your reprieve, and you hear ‘Hasta la vista, baby.’ (Jay Leno Quotes) The Sacramento Bee is reporting that Arnold Schwarzenegger is not going to run for governor. You know what would be better? Arnold should do what he does in the Terminator movies. He should go back in time and prevent Gray Davis from ever being born. That way you wouldn’t have the problem (Jay Leno Quotes) There’s all this talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, you know where he is now? Visiting Mexico, which I think means that he is definitely going to run for governor. Arnold is smart. He’s in Mexico campaigning with the very people who’ll be living here by election time (Jay Leno Quotes) You know who Boehner is, right? He’s that orange looking guy. See, for Republicans that counts as diversity (Jay Leno Quotes) Barack Obama said yesterday that the economy was ‘going to get worse before it gets better.’ See, that’s when you know the campaign is really over. Remember before the election? ‘The audacity of hope!’ ‘Yes, we can!’ ‘A change we can believe in!’ Now it’s, ‘We’re all screwed.’ (Jay Leno Quotes) Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind (Jay Leno Quotes) Barack Obama’s mother-in-law might be moving into the White House with him. Joe Biden was right. Hostile forces will test him in the first few months (Jay Leno Quotes) I tell you, the economy is in bad shape. In fact, the economy is so bad, President Barack Obama’s new slogan is ‘Spare Change You Can Believe In.’ (Jay Leno Quotes) I don’t know why it’s so hard to believe women. You to go Saudi Arabia and you need two women to testify against a man. Here you need 25 (Jay Leno Quotes) Pundits are saying that President Obama is starting to lose support among his own party. To give you an idea of how bad it’s gotten, today Jimmy Carter compared him to Jimmy Carter (Jay Leno Quotes) Remember when Obama was campaigning? Didn’t he say he was going to close Guantanamo Bay? Didn’t he say that? Apparently, he just meant for renovations (Jay Leno Quotes)

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