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Jay Leno Quotes

The NFL draft is going to be this Thursday. That’s a huge night for college players. That’s the night they start being paid over the table Picture Quote #1

Remember when we used to worry about some weirdo having a razor blade inside an apple on Halloween? Not anymore. Like a kid today would eat an apple Picture Quote #1

My favorite Halloween candy is the candy corn. It comes in four colors: white, yellow, orange, brown. Those are also the stages of your teeth rotting after you eat it Picture Quote #1

Studies show American students are becoming less proficient in math. Experts say we should have seen this coming, but nobody could put 2 and 2 together Picture Quote #1

Oil prices jumped to well over $100 a barrel, and analysts say it’s due to tension in the Middle East. So, luckily, it’s just a temporary thing Picture Quote #1

The Mars rover Curiosity has sent back images of some odd things on the surface of Mars, and some people think they could be UFOs. Here’s my question. If we’re on the surface of Mars, aren’t we the UFO? Picture Quote #1

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The 99 Cent Only Store is calling itself your Valentine’s Day headquarters. Guys, if that’s your Valentine’s Day headquarters, you can also call the garage your new home Picture Quote #1

For the first time ever, women are scoring higher than men on IQ tests. Scientists say it has something to do with breast implants -- not that it makes the women smarter, it just makes the men dumber Picture Quote #1

Here’s an uplifting story. Congratulations to the Little League team from Huntington Beach, California. Yeah, they beat Japan to win the Little League World Series. That’s pretty good. See, that proves that when math and science aren’t involved, our kids can beat anybody Picture Quote #1

Britney Spears told an interviewer if she weren’t famous, she would be a teacher. So thank God she’s famous Picture Quote #1

According to the latest poll, a record 73 percent of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction. But the good news: Gas is so expensive that we’ll never get there Picture Quote #1

Denmark is charging a fat food tax on cheese, meat, and oil. Here, we call that the Denny’s Grand Slam breakfast Picture Quote #1

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An intruder broke into Mike Tyson’s hotel room in Las Vegas while he was sleeping but got out before Tyson could get to him. I don’t know what’s scarier. Having someone breaking into your room while you’re sleeping or breaking into someone else’s room and finding out the guy is Mike Tyson Picture Quote #1

The New York Police Department says Iran has conducted surveillance inside New York City. They say Iranian operatives are using special mobile surveillance units. I believe they’re called taxi cabs Picture Quote #1

The Democratic Convention is $27 million in debt. They had to cancel the kick-off event at the Charlotte Motor Speedway. A speedway is the perfect place for the Democratic Convention. You go around in circles, turn left every few seconds, and you end up right where you started Picture Quote #1

The first case of mad cow disease since 2006 was discovered right here in the United States. The good news, since the cow is in California, instead of putting the cow down, they are going to enroll him in anger management classes Picture Quote #1

A woman in Great Britain has died after being hit in the back of the head by a golf ball, on the first hole. Her husband was so distraught, he only played the front nine Picture Quote #1

Apparently, Osama bin Laden was killed with money and phone numbers sewn into his clothing. So we got him right before he left for summer camp Picture Quote #1

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Halloween’s coming. Kids get very imaginative in my neighborhood. Last year, three kids showed up as Goldman Sachs executives and demanded 4.5 billion pieces of candy Picture Quote #1

Starbuck’s is going to start selling instant coffee. This is for people who want the quality of Sanka, but want to pay the high Starbuck’s price Picture Quote #1

There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they’re not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn’t paying attention Picture Quote #1

A New York doctor has finished a five year study on what smells have the biggest effect on New Yorkers. The smell New Yorkers like the most: vanilla. The smell New Yorkers like the least: New Jersey Picture Quote #1

Not a good night for President Obama. He lost elections in Virginia, New Jersey, and he’s not doing good in Afghanistan either Picture Quote #1

Senator Chris Dodd unveiled his plan to reduce corruption in the Senate. He’s retiring Picture Quote #1

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Of course, Republicans still can’t believe that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. But then Democrats can’t believe that Sarah Palin wrote a book Picture Quote #1

ESPN has announced that they are launching a 3-D sports network. Industry analysts say this will absolutely revolutionize the way Americans don’t watch soccer Picture Quote #1

106 [degrees] in the valley... I was sweating like Dan Rather checking for forged documents Picture Quote #1

Don’t worry about me. I plan to continue to be in show business. I have already been booked to be in a production of ‘The Sunshine Boys’ with Jay Leno Picture Quote #1

I’m so excited. Jay Leno is on the show tonight. He brought some really funny jokes and some great stories. Although I’m a little concerned he also brought his old desk and Kevin Eubanks. I just want Jay to be comfortable, but not too comfortable Picture Quote #1

Political experts are saying the reason John Kerry is doing so well is because he’s ‘electable.’ Hey, so was Al Gore - in fact, he even got elected and it didn’t help him at all Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

The NFL draft is going to be this Thursday. That’s a huge night for college players. That’s the night they start being paid over the table (Jay Leno Quotes) Remember when we used to worry about some weirdo having a razor blade inside an apple on Halloween? Not anymore. Like a kid today would eat an apple (Jay Leno Quotes) My favorite Halloween candy is the candy corn. It comes in four colors: white, yellow, orange, brown. Those are also the stages of your teeth rotting after you eat it (Jay Leno Quotes) Studies show American students are becoming less proficient in math. Experts say we should have seen this coming, but nobody could put 2 and 2 together (Jay Leno Quotes) Oil prices jumped to well over $100 a barrel, and analysts say it’s due to tension in the Middle East. So, luckily, it’s just a temporary thing (Jay Leno Quotes) The Mars rover Curiosity has sent back images of some odd things on the surface of Mars, and some people think they could be UFOs. Here’s my question. If we’re on the surface of Mars, aren’t we the UFO? (Jay Leno Quotes) The 99 Cent Only Store is calling itself your Valentine’s Day headquarters. Guys, if that’s your Valentine’s Day headquarters, you can also call the garage your new home (Jay Leno Quotes) For the first time ever, women are scoring higher than men on IQ tests. Scientists say it has something to do with breast implants -- not that it makes the women smarter, it just makes the men dumber (Jay Leno Quotes) Here’s an uplifting story. Congratulations to the Little League team from Huntington Beach, California. Yeah, they beat Japan to win the Little League World Series. That’s pretty good. See, that proves that when math and science aren’t involved, our kids can beat anybody (Jay Leno Quotes) Britney Spears told an interviewer if she weren’t famous, she would be a teacher. So thank God she’s famous (Jay Leno Quotes) According to the latest poll, a record 73 percent of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction. But the good news: Gas is so expensive that we’ll never get there (Jay Leno Quotes) Denmark is charging a fat food tax on cheese, meat, and oil. Here, we call that the Denny’s Grand Slam breakfast (Jay Leno Quotes) An intruder broke into Mike Tyson’s hotel room in Las Vegas while he was sleeping but got out before Tyson could get to him. I don’t know what’s scarier. Having someone breaking into your room while you’re sleeping or breaking into someone else’s room and finding out the guy is Mike Tyson (Jay Leno Quotes) The New York Police Department says Iran has conducted surveillance inside New York City. They say Iranian operatives are using special mobile surveillance units. I believe they’re called taxi cabs (Jay Leno Quotes) The Democratic Convention is $27 million in debt. They had to cancel the kick-off event at the Charlotte Motor Speedway. A speedway is the perfect place for the Democratic Convention. You go around in circles, turn left every few seconds, and you end up right where you started (Jay Leno Quotes) The first case of mad cow disease since 2006 was discovered right here in the United States. The good news, since the cow is in California, instead of putting the cow down, they are going to enroll him in anger management classes (Jay Leno Quotes) A woman in Great Britain has died after being hit in the back of the head by a golf ball, on the first hole. Her husband was so distraught, he only played the front nine (Jay Leno Quotes) Apparently, Osama bin Laden was killed with money and phone numbers sewn into his clothing. So we got him right before he left for summer camp (Jay Leno Quotes) Halloween’s coming. Kids get very imaginative in my neighborhood. Last year, three kids showed up as Goldman Sachs executives and demanded 4.5 billion pieces of candy (Jay Leno Quotes) Starbuck’s is going to start selling instant coffee. This is for people who want the quality of Sanka, but want to pay the high Starbuck’s price (Jay Leno Quotes) There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they’re not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn’t paying attention (Jay Leno Quotes) A New York doctor has finished a five year study on what smells have the biggest effect on New Yorkers. The smell New Yorkers like the most: vanilla. The smell New Yorkers like the least: New Jersey (Jay Leno Quotes) Not a good night for President Obama. He lost elections in Virginia, New Jersey, and he’s not doing good in Afghanistan either (Jay Leno Quotes) Senator Chris Dodd unveiled his plan to reduce corruption in the Senate. He’s retiring (Jay Leno Quotes) Of course, Republicans still can’t believe that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. But then Democrats can’t believe that Sarah Palin wrote a book (Jay Leno Quotes) ESPN has announced that they are launching a 3-D sports network. Industry analysts say this will absolutely revolutionize the way Americans don’t watch soccer (Jay Leno Quotes) 106 [degrees] in the valley... I was sweating like Dan Rather checking for forged documents (Jay Leno Quotes) Don’t worry about me. I plan to continue to be in show business. I have already been booked to be in a production of ‘The Sunshine Boys’ with Jay Leno (Jay Leno Quotes) I’m so excited. Jay Leno is on the show tonight. He brought some really funny jokes and some great stories. Although I’m a little concerned he also brought his old desk and Kevin Eubanks. I just want Jay to be comfortable, but not too comfortable (Jay Leno Quotes) Political experts are saying the reason John Kerry is doing so well is because he’s ‘electable.’ Hey, so was Al Gore - in fact, he even got elected and it didn’t help him at all (Jay Leno Quotes)

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