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Jay Leno Quotes

John Kerry said today that he wants to get rid of tax cuts for the rich and his wife said, ‘Hey, shut up! What’s the matter with you?! Are you nuts?!’ Picture Quote #1

In a new issue of Esquire magazine, they revealed that before he was married to Teresa Heinz, Senator John Kerry dated Morgan Fairchild, Michelle Phillips, Catherine Oxenberg and Dana Delany. Finally a Democratic presidential candidate with good taste in women Picture Quote #1

A number of plastic surgeons are claiming that looking at John Kerry now, as opposed to a few months ago, they believe he’s had Botox shots. They claim a number of his worry lines have vanished. They haven’t vanished, just Howard Dean is wearing them now Picture Quote #1

The big winner last night in New Hampshire - Senator John Kerry. He won 39 percent of the vote, which is pretty good, and begs the question, why the long face? Picture Quote #1

Real movement in the Kerry campaign now. His poll numbers are moving, donations are moving, endorsements are moving. The only thing not moving is his hair Picture Quote #1

John Kerry was the big winner in Iowa. Ted Kennedy introduced Kerry as the ‘comeback kid.’ That used to be Bill Clinton’s name - because every time he would come back to a city, he would find out if he had a kid or not Picture Quote #1

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The Boston Globe is reporting that Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry used to date actress Morgan Fairchild but it didn’t work out. Apparently she couldn’t handle dating someone with bigger hair then she had Picture Quote #1

Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry came down pretty hard on fellow candidate Howard Dean this weekend. After Dean misspoke several times, Kerry said you can’t misspeak 15 times in a week and be president. And Bush said, ‘You can’t’? Picture Quote #1

Herman Cain told a group of Occupy Wall Street protesters to go home, get a job, and get a life. That’s the Republican version of hope and change, ladies and gentlemen Picture Quote #1

Rick Perry was philosophical about (his election losses). He said, ‘Last week was Iowa. Yesterday was New Hampshire. ‘ He said at least it’s giving him a chance to learn the names of all the states Picture Quote #1

What’s the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Rick Perry? It only takes Lindsay four and a half hours to finish a sentence Picture Quote #1

Tonight was the CNN primary debate with the four remaining candidates. It was kind of a change for Newt Gingrich. Usually when he’s arguing with three people at once, it’s his wife, his ex-wife, and his mistress Picture Quote #1

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Mitt Romney is coming under fire because even though he is a multimillionaire, he only paid 15 percent in taxes. That’s not a tax, that’s barely a tip Picture Quote #1

Al Gore has found a new job. He is going to teach journalism at Columbia University, which is ironic isn’t it? The guy who did all the coke winds up going to the White House, the guy who didn’t do coke goes to Columbia Picture Quote #1

65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse. The other 35% were women Picture Quote #1

Do you know who will be in charge of health care? The IRS. You thought getting audited was bad? Wait until your next prostate exam Picture Quote #1

Tonight the Republican presidential candidates had a big debate, 10 candidates. The last time that many rich white guys got together, I think Exxon merged with Mobil Picture Quote #1

Actually, Joe Biden looked pretty good. In fact, Joe’s popularity has gone from 1% to 2% last week to 3% today. At this rate, he could win the nomination by the year 2032 Picture Quote #1

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It looks like Rudy Giuliani is out of the race. Finally, a Republican with an exit strategy Picture Quote #1

Jesse Jackson also said he thought Barack Obama was talking down to black people by lecturing them on things like fatherhood and being a responsible husband. Jesse thought it was insulting, not only to him, but to his former mistress and their love child Picture Quote #1

Jesse Jackson was involved in a three-car crash this weekend. I understand that no one was hurt, but I understand that two of the women in the other cars are now pregnant Picture Quote #1

Jesse Jackson’s wife was arrested in Puerto Rico while protesting the naval bombings there. Jesse said he was holding a meeting with four of his secretaries to decide what to do and that these meetings could run well into the night Picture Quote #1

I guess we didn’t even officially apologize. Jesse Jackson called on the United States to officially apologize to the Chinese. Jesse said, ‘An apology is not a sign of weakness.’ And as President Clinton has taught us, an apology isn’t even a sign you’re sorry Picture Quote #1

Jesse Jackson’s in trouble. They’re going after this tax thing. Jesse said he will amend his taxes to show the money that he paid to his mistress. See, he has just one mistress. Jesse uses the standard mistress deduction. As opposed to Clinton, who had to itemize Picture Quote #1

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Howard Dean dropped out of the race today. At least he can’t claim his voice wasn’t heard Picture Quote #1

Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge raised security alert to a code red. Apparently Howard Dean has escaped. Did you see Dean’s crazed speech the other night, yelling? I see why his wife won’t campaign with him. In fact, Dean has a new slogan: ‘Aaghhhh.’ Picture Quote #1

Howard Dean was endorsed by Al Gore. Now, if Dean could get Gray Davis to campaign for him, that would put him over the top Picture Quote #1

General Wesley Clark commented on Gore endorsing Howard Dean. He said endorsements don’t win elections. Hey, in this country, votes don’t even win elections Picture Quote #1

The New York Times is reporting that back in the 60s, presidential candidate Howard Dean used a letter from a doctor about a back condition to keep himself out of the draft in Vietnam and then spent 10 months skiing. Well it sounds like he’s done the impossible. He actually made Bill Clinton and George Bush look like war heroes Picture Quote #1

Presidential Democratic front-runner Howard Dean admitted to Chris Matthews on the ‘Hardball’ show that he got out of the draft because of a bad back. He had a curvature of the spine. Apparently it curved too far to the left Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

John Kerry said today that he wants to get rid of tax cuts for the rich and his wife said, ‘Hey, shut up! What’s the matter with you?! Are you nuts?!’ (Jay Leno Quotes) In a new issue of Esquire magazine, they revealed that before he was married to Teresa Heinz, Senator John Kerry dated Morgan Fairchild, Michelle Phillips, Catherine Oxenberg and Dana Delany. Finally a Democratic presidential candidate with good taste in women (Jay Leno Quotes) A number of plastic surgeons are claiming that looking at John Kerry now, as opposed to a few months ago, they believe he’s had Botox shots. They claim a number of his worry lines have vanished. They haven’t vanished, just Howard Dean is wearing them now (Jay Leno Quotes) The big winner last night in New Hampshire - Senator John Kerry. He won 39 percent of the vote, which is pretty good, and begs the question, why the long face? (Jay Leno Quotes) Real movement in the Kerry campaign now. His poll numbers are moving, donations are moving, endorsements are moving. The only thing not moving is his hair (Jay Leno Quotes) John Kerry was the big winner in Iowa. Ted Kennedy introduced Kerry as the ‘comeback kid.’ That used to be Bill Clinton’s name - because every time he would come back to a city, he would find out if he had a kid or not (Jay Leno Quotes) The Boston Globe is reporting that Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry used to date actress Morgan Fairchild but it didn’t work out. Apparently she couldn’t handle dating someone with bigger hair then she had (Jay Leno Quotes) Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry came down pretty hard on fellow candidate Howard Dean this weekend. After Dean misspoke several times, Kerry said you can’t misspeak 15 times in a week and be president. And Bush said, ‘You can’t’? (Jay Leno Quotes) Herman Cain told a group of Occupy Wall Street protesters to go home, get a job, and get a life. That’s the Republican version of hope and change, ladies and gentlemen (Jay Leno Quotes) Rick Perry was philosophical about (his election losses). He said, ‘Last week was Iowa. Yesterday was New Hampshire. ‘ He said at least it’s giving him a chance to learn the names of all the states (Jay Leno Quotes) What’s the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Rick Perry? It only takes Lindsay four and a half hours to finish a sentence (Jay Leno Quotes) Tonight was the CNN primary debate with the four remaining candidates. It was kind of a change for Newt Gingrich. Usually when he’s arguing with three people at once, it’s his wife, his ex-wife, and his mistress (Jay Leno Quotes) Mitt Romney is coming under fire because even though he is a multimillionaire, he only paid 15 percent in taxes. That’s not a tax, that’s barely a tip (Jay Leno Quotes) Al Gore has found a new job. He is going to teach journalism at Columbia University, which is ironic isn’t it? The guy who did all the coke winds up going to the White House, the guy who didn’t do coke goes to Columbia (Jay Leno Quotes) 65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse. The other 35% were women (Jay Leno Quotes) Do you know who will be in charge of health care? The IRS. You thought getting audited was bad? Wait until your next prostate exam (Jay Leno Quotes) Tonight the Republican presidential candidates had a big debate, 10 candidates. The last time that many rich white guys got together, I think Exxon merged with Mobil (Jay Leno Quotes) Actually, Joe Biden looked pretty good. In fact, Joe’s popularity has gone from 1% to 2% last week to 3% today. At this rate, he could win the nomination by the year 2032 (Jay Leno Quotes) It looks like Rudy Giuliani is out of the race. Finally, a Republican with an exit strategy (Jay Leno Quotes) Jesse Jackson also said he thought Barack Obama was talking down to black people by lecturing them on things like fatherhood and being a responsible husband. Jesse thought it was insulting, not only to him, but to his former mistress and their love child (Jay Leno Quotes) Jesse Jackson was involved in a three-car crash this weekend. I understand that no one was hurt, but I understand that two of the women in the other cars are now pregnant (Jay Leno Quotes) Jesse Jackson’s wife was arrested in Puerto Rico while protesting the naval bombings there. Jesse said he was holding a meeting with four of his secretaries to decide what to do and that these meetings could run well into the night (Jay Leno Quotes) I guess we didn’t even officially apologize. Jesse Jackson called on the United States to officially apologize to the Chinese. Jesse said, ‘An apology is not a sign of weakness.’ And as President Clinton has taught us, an apology isn’t even a sign you’re sorry (Jay Leno Quotes) Jesse Jackson’s in trouble. They’re going after this tax thing. Jesse said he will amend his taxes to show the money that he paid to his mistress. See, he has just one mistress. Jesse uses the standard mistress deduction. As opposed to Clinton, who had to itemize (Jay Leno Quotes) Howard Dean dropped out of the race today. At least he can’t claim his voice wasn’t heard (Jay Leno Quotes) Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge raised security alert to a code red. Apparently Howard Dean has escaped. Did you see Dean’s crazed speech the other night, yelling? I see why his wife won’t campaign with him. In fact, Dean has a new slogan: ‘Aaghhhh.’ (Jay Leno Quotes) Howard Dean was endorsed by Al Gore. Now, if Dean could get Gray Davis to campaign for him, that would put him over the top (Jay Leno Quotes) General Wesley Clark commented on Gore endorsing Howard Dean. He said endorsements don’t win elections. Hey, in this country, votes don’t even win elections (Jay Leno Quotes) The New York Times is reporting that back in the 60s, presidential candidate Howard Dean used a letter from a doctor about a back condition to keep himself out of the draft in Vietnam and then spent 10 months skiing. Well it sounds like he’s done the impossible. He actually made Bill Clinton and George Bush look like war heroes (Jay Leno Quotes) Presidential Democratic front-runner Howard Dean admitted to Chris Matthews on the ‘Hardball’ show that he got out of the draft because of a bad back. He had a curvature of the spine. Apparently it curved too far to the left (Jay Leno Quotes)

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