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Jay Leno Quotes

It was reported in the paper that President Bush received a ‘warm reception’ from the Daytona 500 drivers. Well sure, the drivers had never met anyone who was sponsored by more oil companies than they were Picture Quote #1

The White House has now released military documents that they say prove George Bush met his requirements for the National Guard. Big deal, we’ve got documents that prove Al Gore won the election Picture Quote #1

There’s this huge controversy over the fact that President Bush apparently received credit for National Guard service in Alabama in 72 and 73 even though his commanding officers are saying he never reported. I think what’s even more disturbing is that he received enough credits to graduate from Yale Picture Quote #1

President Bush stopped off at a bass pro fishing store to pick up a fishing reel, some line and some rubber worms. He’s going to disappear and go fishing. So he must think he’s back in the National Guard Picture Quote #1

The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for his service in the National Guard. The White House said, ‘no no,’ that they have payroll records to show that he served in the National Guard. But today, the commanding officers can’t remember seeing Bush between May and October of 72. President Bush said, ‘Remember me? I’m the drunk guy. Remember me?’ Picture Quote #1

This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send her over there, she’ll get his money, he’ll be dead in a week Picture Quote #1

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The FBI is urging all Americans to beware of any letters or packages that have badly misspelled words. Man, this is going to be terrible news for the rap industry Picture Quote #1

The White House is defending President Obama’s sports activities over the past week, saying that everyone needs leisure time. Thanks to these economic policies, 9.5 percent of Americans have all the leisure time they need Picture Quote #1

Nancy Pelosi said that when it comes to cleaning up government, the Democrats have drained the swamp. The only problem with that is what’s left after you drain the swamp: snakes everywhere Picture Quote #1

Experts are saying that President Bush’s goal now is to politically humiliate Saddam Hussein. Why don’t we just make him the next Democratic presidential nominee? Picture Quote #1

President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like ‘the rerun of a bad movie.’ Well sure, there’s a Bush in the White House, the economy’s going to hell, we’re going to war over oil. I’ve seen this movie, haven’t I? Picture Quote #1

President Clinton says he looks forward to the day a citizen can call the IRS and get the right answer to a question. I look forward to the day I can call the IRS and get a voice that says, ‘Sorry, that number has been disconnected.’ Picture Quote #1

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According to Kim Jong-Il’s biography, they say he has been constantly accused of dishonesty, drunkenness and sexual excess. So if he lived here, he could be in Congress Picture Quote #1

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she’s strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it Picture Quote #1

The White House approved an exemption in Obamacare coverage for Congress and members of their staff. Members complained that the Affordable Care Act will cost them thousands extra a year in premiums. Wait a minute. It’s their bill. If it’s too expensive, why did they name it the Affordable Care Act? Picture Quote #1

Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they’re getting back together. You know what that means? There’s still hope for Ike and Tina Turner Picture Quote #1

A new medical study reports that men who eat ten pizzas a week are less likely to develop prostate problems at age 50. That’s because they are usually dead by age 40 Picture Quote #1

The big question now is who will take power in Afghanistan once the Taliban is defeated. I was thinking, how about Al Gore? He’s not doing anything, he needs a job, and he’s already got the beard Picture Quote #1

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Here’s some exciting news - according to The New York Post, both Al Gore and John Kerry are thinking of running for president in 2008. Gore and Kerry again! Political experts say it’s too early to tell who would lose bigger! Picture Quote #1

The Stock Market was down today. Two major businesses declared bankruptcy, consumer spending is at an all time low - in other words, Bush is back on the job Picture Quote #1

A lot of American companies are now moving into Iraq. Iraq now has Pizza Hut, Subway, Taco Bell and Popeye’s fried chicken. So, great, instead of oil for food, we’re giving them oil in food Picture Quote #1

Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it’s Chapter 11 Picture Quote #1

To give you an idea how bad the American economy is, Mexico is now calling for a fence along the border. Stay on your side! Picture Quote #1

President Obama met with leaders of the American Indian tribes and they honored the president by giving him his own Indian name: Running Deficits Picture Quote #1

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Today is Valentine’s Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day! Picture Quote #1

L.A.’s large convenience stores are so big they can accommodate up to twenty armed robbers at one time Picture Quote #1

You know what Arnold Schwarzenegger and Meg Whitman have in common? They both got in trouble for stiffing the maid Picture Quote #1

President Bush appeared with Arnold Schwarzenegger at a huge campaign event. Only in California can a governor who speaks German and a president who can barely speak English try to make themselves clear to an audience that’s primarily Spanish Picture Quote #1

If I could ask Ken Lay one question right now, do you know what it would be? Does the Devil really wear Prada? Picture Quote #1

U.N. weapons inspectors found empty chemical warheads in Iraq. So, the question everyone is asking now is how did Sean Penn miss this? Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

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Text Quotes

It was reported in the paper that President Bush received a ‘warm reception’ from the Daytona 500 drivers. Well sure, the drivers had never met anyone who was sponsored by more oil companies than they were (Jay Leno Quotes) The White House has now released military documents that they say prove George Bush met his requirements for the National Guard. Big deal, we’ve got documents that prove Al Gore won the election (Jay Leno Quotes) There’s this huge controversy over the fact that President Bush apparently received credit for National Guard service in Alabama in 72 and 73 even though his commanding officers are saying he never reported. I think what’s even more disturbing is that he received enough credits to graduate from Yale (Jay Leno Quotes) President Bush stopped off at a bass pro fishing store to pick up a fishing reel, some line and some rubber worms. He’s going to disappear and go fishing. So he must think he’s back in the National Guard (Jay Leno Quotes) The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for his service in the National Guard. The White House said, ‘no no,’ that they have payroll records to show that he served in the National Guard. But today, the commanding officers can’t remember seeing Bush between May and October of 72. President Bush said, ‘Remember me? I’m the drunk guy. Remember me?’ (Jay Leno Quotes) This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send her over there, she’ll get his money, he’ll be dead in a week (Jay Leno Quotes) The FBI is urging all Americans to beware of any letters or packages that have badly misspelled words. Man, this is going to be terrible news for the rap industry (Jay Leno Quotes) The White House is defending President Obama’s sports activities over the past week, saying that everyone needs leisure time. Thanks to these economic policies, 9.5 percent of Americans have all the leisure time they need (Jay Leno Quotes) Nancy Pelosi said that when it comes to cleaning up government, the Democrats have drained the swamp. The only problem with that is what’s left after you drain the swamp: snakes everywhere (Jay Leno Quotes) Experts are saying that President Bush’s goal now is to politically humiliate Saddam Hussein. Why don’t we just make him the next Democratic presidential nominee? (Jay Leno Quotes) President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like ‘the rerun of a bad movie.’ Well sure, there’s a Bush in the White House, the economy’s going to hell, we’re going to war over oil. I’ve seen this movie, haven’t I? (Jay Leno Quotes) President Clinton says he looks forward to the day a citizen can call the IRS and get the right answer to a question. I look forward to the day I can call the IRS and get a voice that says, ‘Sorry, that number has been disconnected.’ (Jay Leno Quotes) According to Kim Jong-Il’s biography, they say he has been constantly accused of dishonesty, drunkenness and sexual excess. So if he lived here, he could be in Congress (Jay Leno Quotes) CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she’s strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it. (Jay Leno Quotes) The White House approved an exemption in Obamacare coverage for Congress and members of their staff. Members complained that the Affordable Care Act will cost them thousands extra a year in premiums. Wait a minute. It’s their bill. If it’s too expensive, why did they name it the Affordable Care Act? (Jay Leno Quotes) Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they’re getting back together. You know what that means? There’s still hope for Ike and Tina Turner. (Jay Leno Quotes) A new medical study reports that men who eat ten pizzas a week are less likely to develop prostate problems at age 50. That’s because they are usually dead by age 40. (Jay Leno Quotes) The big question now is who will take power in Afghanistan once the Taliban is defeated. I was thinking, how about Al Gore? He’s not doing anything, he needs a job, and he’s already got the beard. (Jay Leno Quotes) Here’s some exciting news - according to The New York Post, both Al Gore and John Kerry are thinking of running for president in 2008. Gore and Kerry again! Political experts say it’s too early to tell who would lose bigger! (Jay Leno Quotes) The Stock Market was down today. Two major businesses declared bankruptcy, consumer spending is at an all time low - in other words, Bush is back on the job. (Jay Leno Quotes) A lot of American companies are now moving into Iraq. Iraq now has Pizza Hut, Subway, Taco Bell and Popeye’s fried chicken. So, great, instead of oil for food, we’re giving them oil in food. (Jay Leno Quotes) Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it’s Chapter 11. (Jay Leno Quotes) To give you an idea how bad the American economy is, Mexico is now calling for a fence along the border. Stay on your side! (Jay Leno Quotes) President Obama met with leaders of the American Indian tribes and they honored the president by giving him his own Indian name: Running Deficits. (Jay Leno Quotes) Today is Valentine’s Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day! (Jay Leno Quotes) L.A.’s large convenience stores are so big they can accommodate up to twenty armed robbers at one time. (Jay Leno Quotes) You know what Arnold Schwarzenegger and Meg Whitman have in common? They both got in trouble for stiffing the maid. (Jay Leno Quotes) President Bush appeared with Arnold Schwarzenegger at a huge campaign event. Only in California can a governor who speaks German and a president who can barely speak English try to make themselves clear to an audience that’s primarily Spanish. (Jay Leno Quotes) If I could ask Ken Lay one question right now, do you know what it would be? Does the Devil really wear Prada? (Jay Leno Quotes) U.N. weapons inspectors found empty chemical warheads in Iraq. So, the question everyone is asking now is how did Sean Penn miss this? (Jay Leno Quotes)

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