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Joan Rivers Quotes

When I am on E! for the ‘Fashion Police,’ I only care about being a critic. It loses me many friends Picture Quote #1

What are people going to do? Fire me? I’ve been fired before. Not book me? I’ve been out of work before. I don’t care Picture Quote #1

You hear things about certain people. When you hear someone was mean to a limo driver or a wardrobe lady, or someone was rotten to a fan, somewhere in your brain it gets stuck Picture Quote #1

What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery Picture Quote #1

I do a lot of lectures on survival. I always say you can’t change what happened, so have a little wallow, feel very sorry for yourself, and then get up and move forward. You can’t change what happened Picture Quote #1

You’re college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It’s not who you know, it’s whom Picture Quote #1

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Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television Picture Quote #1

My personal style is over-the-top dowager. The old days they said get dressed and take one thing off, I say get dressed and put one thing on Picture Quote #1

A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again Picture Quote #1

Dogs are easier to love than people; they’re certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that’s it. A true friend in life is a dog Picture Quote #1

Don’t talk to me about gravity. When I get out of bed in the morning, I have to be careful not to step on my breasts Picture Quote #1

I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted to go out on this chat show we were on to laugh with me. Now he’s ruined it. I can’t make another joke about him Picture Quote #1

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I had a friend who was a plastic surgeon, so he would do little things. I never had, like, a full thing. So I would go in maybe once every two or three years, and he’d do a little here, a little there; tweak you, like you tweak your car. Then I became the plastic surgery poster girl Picture Quote #1

I didn’t want to do ‘Fashion Police’ because I thought, ‘This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?’ It has taken off. We are the number one show in England on E! Who knew? Picture Quote #1

You can find my book at your favorite bookstore, and if it isn’t there, find a new favorite Picture Quote #1

Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die Picture Quote #1

Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise Picture Quote #1

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp Picture Quote #1

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With plastic surgery, the general anesthetic is like a black-velvety sleep, and that’s what death is - without waking up to someone clapping and going, ‘Joan, wake up, it’s all over and you’re looking pretty’ Picture Quote #1

Since I met him ten years ago there hasn’t been a day that I didn’t think of George Burns. And I didn’t think of him again today Picture Quote #1

I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway Picture Quote #1

You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it Picture Quote #1

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God’s gift, that’s why we call it the present Picture Quote #1

When I turn down work, I feel guilty, I feel terrible; I don’t know where the next job is going to come from Picture Quote #1

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Anyone that says looks don’t count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It’s the way humans work Picture Quote #1

Show business is - you’re there by somebody’s fluke. And as long as somebody likes you, and the show is going well, you’re fine. I’d do anything. There’s so much I want to do Picture Quote #1

Remember a few years ago when they left Bea Arthur out of the death reel at the Oscars? Bea Arthur! How did they leave Bea Arthur out? She was in Mame; she was in All in the Family; she was in Maude; she was a Golden Girl, for God’s sake! Bea was not only one of Hollywood’s leading ladies, she was one of Hollywood’s leading men! Picture Quote #1

Any comic is a very good actor. Look at Don Rickles. He is saying the same joke every night for 20 years and making it look like he just thought of it Picture Quote #1

I don’t think I’m good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he’d take a piece of chalk and outline my body Picture Quote #1

I could pull my living in and live OK, but I don’t want to live OK. I’m very happy to live in my penthouse, very happy I can pick up a check, very happy to have a great life and be able to spread my wealth a little bit Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

When I am on E! for the ‘Fashion Police,’ I only care about being a critic. It loses me many friends. (Joan Rivers Quotes) What are people going to do? Fire me? I’ve been fired before. Not book me? I’ve been out of work before. I don’t care. (Joan Rivers Quotes) You hear things about certain people. When you hear someone was mean to a limo driver or a wardrobe lady, or someone was rotten to a fan, somewhere in your brain it gets stuck. (Joan Rivers Quotes) What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery (Joan Rivers Quotes) I do a lot of lectures on survival. I always say you can’t change what happened, so have a little wallow, feel very sorry for yourself, and then get up and move forward. You can’t change what happened. (Joan Rivers Quotes) You’re college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It’s not who you know, it’s whom. (Joan Rivers Quotes) Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television. (Joan Rivers Quotes) My personal style is over-the-top dowager. The old days they said get dressed and take one thing off, I say get dressed and put one thing on. (Joan Rivers Quotes) A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again. (Joan Rivers Quotes) Dogs are easier to love than people; they’re certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that’s it. A true friend in life is a dog. (Joan Rivers Quotes) Don’t talk to me about gravity. When I get out of bed in the morning, I have to be careful not to step on my breasts. (Joan Rivers Quotes) I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted to go out on this chat show we were on to laugh with me. Now he’s ruined it. I can’t make another joke about him. (Joan Rivers Quotes) I had a friend who was a plastic surgeon, so he would do little things. I never had, like, a full thing. So I would go in maybe once every two or three years, and he’d do a little here, a little there; tweak you, like you tweak your car. Then I became the plastic surgery poster girl. (Joan Rivers Quotes) I didn’t want to do ‘Fashion Police’ because I thought, ‘This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?’ It has taken off. We are the number one show in England on E! Who knew? (Joan Rivers Quotes) You can find my book at your favorite bookstore, and if it isn’t there, find a new favorite (Joan Rivers Quotes) Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die. (Joan Rivers Quotes) Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise. (Joan Rivers Quotes) A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp. (Joan Rivers Quotes) With plastic surgery, the general anesthetic is like a black-velvety sleep, and that’s what death is - without waking up to someone clapping and going, ‘Joan, wake up, it’s all over and you’re looking pretty’. (Joan Rivers Quotes) Since I met him ten years ago there hasn’t been a day that I didn’t think of George Burns. And I didn’t think of him again today. (Joan Rivers Quotes) I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway. (Joan Rivers Quotes) You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it. (Joan Rivers Quotes) Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God’s gift, that’s why we call it the present. (Joan Rivers Quotes) When I turn down work, I feel guilty, I feel terrible; I don’t know where the next job is going to come from. (Joan Rivers Quotes) Anyone that says looks don’t count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It’s the way humans work. (Joan Rivers Quotes) Show business is - you’re there by somebody’s fluke. And as long as somebody likes you, and the show is going well, you’re fine. I’d do anything. There’s so much I want to do. (Joan Rivers Quotes) Remember a few years ago when they left Bea Arthur out of the death reel at the Oscars? Bea Arthur! How did they leave Bea Arthur out? She was in Mame; she was in All in the Family; she was in Maude; she was a Golden Girl, for God’s sake! Bea was not only one of Hollywood’s leading ladies, she was one of Hollywood’s leading men! (Joan Rivers Quotes) Any comic is a very good actor. Look at Don Rickles. He is saying the same joke every night for 20 years and making it look like he just thought of it. (Joan Rivers Quotes) I don’t think I’m good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he’d take a piece of chalk and outline my body. (Joan Rivers Quotes) I could pull my living in and live OK, but I don’t want to live OK. I’m very happy to live in my penthouse, very happy I can pick up a check, very happy to have a great life and be able to spread my wealth a little bit. (Joan Rivers Quotes)

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