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Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates Picture Quote #1

Hell, when I was in high school, a drive-by shooting meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window Picture Quote #1

If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck Picture Quote #1

If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck Picture Quote #1

I’m two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it’s through the grace of God, and I’ve got to use it right Picture Quote #1

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you’ll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it Picture Quote #1

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You might be a redneck if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just misunderstood Picture Quote #1

You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together Picture Quote #1

You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming Picture Quote #1

You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food Picture Quote #1

You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs Picture Quote #1

You might be a redneck if your daughter’s Barbie’s Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard Picture Quote #1

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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you’ll be going, ‘you know, we’re alright. We are dang near royalty.’ Picture Quote #1

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don’t want to give two or three more hours away Picture Quote #1

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I’ve got four more summers with her. I’m not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie Picture Quote #1

Now, it’s true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she’s been givin’ me lately Picture Quote #1

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I’m very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school Picture Quote #1

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him Picture Quote #1

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Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door Picture Quote #1

My whole career can be summed up with ‘Ignorance is bliss.’ When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing Picture Quote #1

Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don’t want to be alone when you do it Picture Quote #1

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don’t remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, ‘cause there would have been a line at my school to do that! Picture Quote #1

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn’t go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks Picture Quote #1

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead Picture Quote #1

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If you think ‘loading the dishwasher’ means ‘getting your wife drunk’, you might be a redneck Picture Quote #1

We sing about God because we believe in Him. We are not trying to offend anybody, but the evidence that we have seen of Him in our small little lives trumps your opinion about whether or not He exists Picture Quote #1

Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity Picture Quote #1

Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don’t know there’s a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it’s thinking Picture Quote #1

You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general Picture Quote #1

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Canada Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) Hell, when I was in high school, a drive-by shooting meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) I’m two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it’s through the grace of God, and I’ve got to use it right (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you’ll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) You might be a redneck if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just misunderstood (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) You might be a redneck if your daughter’s Barbie’s Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you’ll be going, ‘you know, we’re alright. We are dang near royalty.’ (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don’t want to give two or three more hours away (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I’ve got four more summers with her. I’m not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) Now, it’s true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she’s been givin’ me lately (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I’m very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) My whole career can be summed up with ‘Ignorance is bliss.’ When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don’t want to be alone when you do it (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don’t remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, ‘cause there would have been a line at my school to do that! (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn’t go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) If you think ‘loading the dishwasher’ means ‘getting your wife drunk’, you might be a redneck (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) We sing about God because we believe in Him. We are not trying to offend anybody, but the evidence that we have seen of Him in our small little lives trumps your opinion about whether or not He exists (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don’t know there’s a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it’s thinking (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes) If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Canada (Jeff Foxworthy Quotes)

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