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Jay Leno Quotes

Women get a little more excited about New Year’s Eve than men do. It’s like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot of promises you’re not going to keep; the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date Picture Quote #1

A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you Picture Quote #1

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog Picture Quote #1

A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for warmth. Today he was offered a job as President Obama’s economic adviser Picture Quote #1

Today is April 1, April Fools’ Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don’t confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS Picture Quote #1

The White House says that the unemployment rate is good news because it means more people are looking for jobs. More good news like that, and everyone at the White House will be looking for jobs Picture Quote #1

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Congratulation s to Rahm Emanuel on being elected mayor of Chicago. His first order of business after taking office will be to actually move to Chicago Picture Quote #1

President Obama said he plans on training 10,000 new math and science teachers. How about teaching math to that economic team of his? Picture Quote #1

President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can’t even get this in Florida Picture Quote #1

Saddam Hussein has raised the amount going to suicide bombers from $10 thousand dollars to $25 thousand. What’s next, a health care plan? Picture Quote #1

President Obama is currently on a week-long trip to Africa, where he will promote freedom, democracy, and economic opportunity. I guess he figured it hasn’t worked here - so try it somewhere else Picture Quote #1

Yesterday President Obama said, ‘We can’t continue to treat tax money like monopoly money.’ Oh really - how come all those guys on Wall Street got ‘get out of jail free’ cards? Picture Quote #1

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Thanksgiving began in 1621 when Native Americans sat down with a bunch of undocumented pilgrims. They had dinner and the pilgrims never left Picture Quote #1

Well, ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ is back - not for gays in the military. It’s President Obama’s new policy for questions about Libya. Don’t ask, don’t tell Picture Quote #1

Chris Christie won by such a wide margin that pundits say this will give him the impetus he needs to run for president. And he’s got a new slogan: ‘Put the oval in the Oval Office.’ Picture Quote #1

President Obama was in India yesterday visiting our jobs. Tomorrow he goes to China to visit our money Picture Quote #1

President Obama is coming under criticism now for not meeting with his jobs council. He hasn’t met with his jobs council in over six months. You know the reason Obama hasn’t met with his job council in six months? They’re all out looking for jobs Picture Quote #1

One of President Obama’s winning points last night was about how sanctions against Iran are crippling their economy. And believe me, if anyone knows how to cripple an economy, it’s President Obama Picture Quote #1

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According to The New York Times, more than half of President Obama’s Twitter followers are fake. They don’t even exist. Which is actually a good thing because if they did exist there wouldn’t be any jobs for them Picture Quote #1

The White House is now urging Americans not to ‘read too much’ into last week’s jobs report. In fact, they said it would be best if you didn’t read it at all Picture Quote #1

According to The Washington Post, the NSA has been monitoring phone calls and emails of people in Mexico. So apparently it’s not enough to spy on American citizens, they feel they have to spy on FUTURE American citizens as well Picture Quote #1

In an interview with Univision, President Obama said if there’s one thing he’s learned, it’s that you can’t change Washington from within. So what is he saying - that if we want real change, we should throw him out? Picture Quote #1

With the presidential debates right around the corner, John Kerry is going to play Mitt Romney to help the President prepare for the debates. That’s kind of a stretch; a rich white guy from Massachusetts playing a rich white guy from Massachusetts Picture Quote #1

In Chicago some anti-Mitt Romney protesters told reporters they’re being paid to protest. They said they’re being paid by Democrats to stand outside and chant anti-Romney slogans. Well, who says President Obama isn’t creating any new jobs? Picture Quote #1

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President Obama released his tax returns. It turns out he made $900,000 less in 2011 then he did in 2010. You know what that means? Even Obama is doing worse under President Obama Picture Quote #1

President Obama’s re-election campaign said that this year they’ll knock on 150 percent more doors than they did in 2008. Well, of course they will. They have to. There’s so many foreclosures it’s tough to tell where people live Picture Quote #1

President Obama was in Disney World today where he unveiled his new plan to create jobs. He was joined by Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse but not Goofy. He had to stay behind to tend to his vice presidential duties Picture Quote #1

We’re fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we’d be fighting if President Obama hadn’t won the Nobel Peace Prize Picture Quote #1

A man in Florida has been arrested for wearing a President Obama mask while robbing a McDonald’s. To show you how good this guy’s disguise was, instead of a holdup note he was reading from a teleprompter Picture Quote #1

The Olympics start on Friday, and Russia is implementing the most intensive security in Olympics history. During the games, the government will monitor every email, every social media message, and listen in on every phone call. In fact, people are even comparing Russia to the United States, that’s how bad it is Picture Quote #1

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Text Quotes

Women get a little more excited about New Year’s Eve than men do. It’s like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot of promises you’re not going to keep; the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date (Jay Leno Quotes) A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you (Jay Leno Quotes) According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog (Jay Leno Quotes) A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for warmth. Today he was offered a job as President Obama’s economic adviser (Jay Leno Quotes) Today is April 1, April Fools’ Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don’t confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS (Jay Leno Quotes) The White House says that the unemployment rate is good news because it means more people are looking for jobs. More good news like that, and everyone at the White House will be looking for jobs (Jay Leno Quotes) Congratulation s to Rahm Emanuel on being elected mayor of Chicago. His first order of business after taking office will be to actually move to Chicago (Jay Leno Quotes) President Obama said he plans on training 10,000 new math and science teachers. How about teaching math to that economic team of his? (Jay Leno Quotes) President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can’t even get this in Florida (Jay Leno Quotes) Saddam Hussein has raised the amount going to suicide bombers from $10 thousand dollars to $25 thousand. What’s next, a health care plan? (Jay Leno Quotes) President Obama is currently on a week-long trip to Africa, where he will promote freedom, democracy, and economic opportunity. I guess he figured it hasn’t worked here - so try it somewhere else (Jay Leno Quotes) Yesterday President Obama said, ‘We can’t continue to treat tax money like monopoly money.’ Oh really - how come all those guys on Wall Street got ‘get out of jail free’ cards? (Jay Leno Quotes) Thanksgiving began in 1621 when Native Americans sat down with a bunch of undocumented pilgrims. They had dinner and the pilgrims never left (Jay Leno Quotes) Well, ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ is back - not for gays in the military. It’s President Obama’s new policy for questions about Libya. Don’t ask, don’t tell (Jay Leno Quotes) Chris Christie won by such a wide margin that pundits say this will give him the impetus he needs to run for president. And he’s got a new slogan: ‘Put the oval in the Oval Office.’ (Jay Leno Quotes) President Obama was in India yesterday visiting our jobs. Tomorrow he goes to China to visit our money (Jay Leno Quotes) President Obama is coming under criticism now for not meeting with his jobs council. He hasn’t met with his jobs council in over six months. You know the reason Obama hasn’t met with his job council in six months? They’re all out looking for jobs (Jay Leno Quotes) One of President Obama’s winning points last night was about how sanctions against Iran are crippling their economy. And believe me, if anyone knows how to cripple an economy, it’s President Obama (Jay Leno Quotes) According to The New York Times, more than half of President Obama’s Twitter followers are fake. They don’t even exist. Which is actually a good thing because if they did exist there wouldn’t be any jobs for them (Jay Leno Quotes) The White House is now urging Americans not to ‘read too much’ into last week’s jobs report. In fact, they said it would be best if you didn’t read it at all (Jay Leno Quotes) According to The Washington Post, the NSA has been monitoring phone calls and emails of people in Mexico. So apparently it’s not enough to spy on American citizens, they feel they have to spy on FUTURE American citizens as well (Jay Leno Quotes) In an interview with Univision, President Obama said if there’s one thing he’s learned, it’s that you can’t change Washington from within. So what is he saying - that if we want real change, we should throw him out? (Jay Leno Quotes) With the presidential debates right around the corner, John Kerry is going to play Mitt Romney to help the President prepare for the debates. That’s kind of a stretch; a rich white guy from Massachusetts playing a rich white guy from Massachusetts (Jay Leno Quotes) In Chicago some anti-Mitt Romney protesters told reporters they’re being paid to protest. They said they’re being paid by Democrats to stand outside and chant anti-Romney slogans. Well, who says President Obama isn’t creating any new jobs? (Jay Leno Quotes) President Obama released his tax returns. It turns out he made $900,000 less in 2011 then he did in 2010. You know what that means? Even Obama is doing worse under President Obama (Jay Leno Quotes) President Obama’s re-election campaign said that this year they’ll knock on 150 percent more doors than they did in 2008. Well, of course they will. They have to. There’s so many foreclosures it’s tough to tell where people live (Jay Leno Quotes) President Obama was in Disney World today where he unveiled his new plan to create jobs. He was joined by Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse but not Goofy. He had to stay behind to tend to his vice presidential duties (Jay Leno Quotes) We’re fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we’d be fighting if President Obama hadn’t won the Nobel Peace Prize (Jay Leno Quotes) A man in Florida has been arrested for wearing a President Obama mask while robbing a McDonald’s. To show you how good this guy’s disguise was, instead of a holdup note he was reading from a teleprompter (Jay Leno Quotes) The Olympics start on Friday, and Russia is implementing the most intensive security in Olympics history. During the games, the government will monitor every email, every social media message, and listen in on every phone call. In fact, people are even comparing Russia to the United States, that’s how bad it is (Jay Leno Quotes)

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