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Jay Leno Quotes

Major heat wave in India - 122 degrees today. It was so hot people in India were sweating like Americans waiting to hear if their job is being outsourced to India Picture Quote #1

Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going to burst into flames in that courtroom? Picture Quote #1

Never perform for your family. They either laugh too hard or not at all Picture Quote #1

Remember the good old days when the only bomb you had to worry about on a plane was the Rob Schneider movie Picture Quote #1

Riding a Ducati is like having sex with an aerobics instructor - you know, I’m exhausted and panting and it’s going: ‘Are you done, already? Picture Quote #1

According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it Picture Quote #1

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Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors Picture Quote #1

I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you’re not the best, so you should work a little harder Picture Quote #1

I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, ‘I’d like some fries.’ The girl at the counter said, ‘Would you like some fries with that?’ Picture Quote #1

The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they’re all lining up Picture Quote #1

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up Picture Quote #1

The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they’re the ones falling down the most Picture Quote #1

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The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don’t want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they’ll just be known as the Bullets Picture Quote #1

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution Picture Quote #1

New Year’s Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive Picture Quote #1

A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that’s why we can’t get anything done in the morning: We’re government workers Picture Quote #1

Researchers at Harvard say that taking a power nap for an hour in the afternoon can totally refresh you. They say that by the time you wake up you’ll feel so good, you’ll be able to start looking for a new job Picture Quote #1

Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That’s scary. If the smartest guy in the world can’t figure out women, we’re screwed Picture Quote #1

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French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too soon. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them how to surrender properly Picture Quote #1

It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from its mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead Picture Quote #1

President Obama has begun a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are: Confusion, Delusion, and Desperation Picture Quote #1

I did Jay Leno with Mike the Situation, and he just - he lives, like, ten minutes from me in Jersey. He’s like, ‘If you ever get a flat, call me. I’ll come fix your tire.’ That’s how we do. That’s neighborly, you know? Picture Quote #1

With the DVR, I was mostly writing about it as a good thing in giving us the choice of when and how to watch things. But there’s what we lose in the bargain, which is the collective spectacle. ‘Did you see Jay Leno last night?’ Picture Quote #1

Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, ‘I wish I had bought stock in it.’ Only a Republican would think the best part of Viagra is the fact that you could make money off of it Picture Quote #1

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I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too Picture Quote #1

Scientists are complaining that the new dinosaur movie shows dinosaurs with lemurs, who didn’t evolve for another million years. They’re afraid the movie will give kids a mistaken impression. What about the fact that the dinosaurs are singing and dancing? Picture Quote #1

When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower... Bush said ‘This is great! A little oil rig!’ Picture Quote #1

The Senate is now considering increasing government subsidies for corn growers to produce more ethanol. If we produce enough ethanol we can postpone our next invasion of a Middle Eastern country for two to three years Picture Quote #1

As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil. It’s about gasoline Picture Quote #1

According to a survey in this week’s Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for the White House Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Major heat wave in India - 122 degrees today. It was so hot people in India were sweating like Americans waiting to hear if their job is being outsourced to India (Jay Leno Quotes) Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going to burst into flames in that courtroom? (Jay Leno Quotes) Never perform for your family. They either laugh too hard or not at all (Jay Leno Quotes) Remember the good old days when the only bomb you had to worry about on a plane was the Rob Schneider movie (Jay Leno Quotes) Riding a Ducati is like having sex with an aerobics instructor - you know, I’m exhausted and panting and it’s going: ‘Are you done, already? (Jay Leno Quotes) According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it (Jay Leno Quotes) Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors (Jay Leno Quotes) I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you’re not the best, so you should work a little harder (Jay Leno Quotes) I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, ‘I’d like some fries.’ The girl at the counter said, ‘Would you like some fries with that?’ (Jay Leno Quotes) The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they’re all lining up (Jay Leno Quotes) The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up (Jay Leno Quotes) The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they’re the ones falling down the most (Jay Leno Quotes) The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don’t want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they’ll just be known as the Bullets (Jay Leno Quotes) Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution (Jay Leno Quotes) New Year’s Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive (Jay Leno Quotes) A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that’s why we can’t get anything done in the morning: We’re government workers (Jay Leno Quotes) Researchers at Harvard say that taking a power nap for an hour in the afternoon can totally refresh you. They say that by the time you wake up you’ll feel so good, you’ll be able to start looking for a new job (Jay Leno Quotes) Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That’s scary. If the smartest guy in the world can’t figure out women, we’re screwed (Jay Leno Quotes) French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too soon. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them how to surrender properly (Jay Leno Quotes) It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from its mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead (Jay Leno Quotes) President Obama has begun a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are: Confusion, Delusion, and Desperation (Jay Leno Quotes) I did Jay Leno with Mike the Situation, and he just - he lives, like, ten minutes from me in Jersey. He’s like, ‘If you ever get a flat, call me. I’ll come fix your tire.’ That’s how we do. That’s neighborly, you know? (Jay Leno Quotes) With the DVR, I was mostly writing about it as a good thing in giving us the choice of when and how to watch things. But there’s what we lose in the bargain, which is the collective spectacle. ‘Did you see Jay Leno last night?’ (Jay Leno Quotes) Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, ‘I wish I had bought stock in it.’ Only a Republican would think the best part of Viagra is the fact that you could make money off of it (Jay Leno Quotes) I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too (Jay Leno Quotes) Scientists are complaining that the new dinosaur movie shows dinosaurs with lemurs, who didn’t evolve for another million years. They’re afraid the movie will give kids a mistaken impression. What about the fact that the dinosaurs are singing and dancing? (Jay Leno Quotes) When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower... Bush said ‘This is great! A little oil rig!’ (Jay Leno Quotes) The Senate is now considering increasing government subsidies for corn growers to produce more ethanol. If we produce enough ethanol we can postpone our next invasion of a Middle Eastern country for two to three years (Jay Leno Quotes) As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil. It’s about gasoline (Jay Leno Quotes) According to a survey in this week’s Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for the White House (Jay Leno Quotes)

1 2 3 4 5 6 - 16