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Stephen Colbert Quotes

Simply being a guest on David Letterman’s show has been a highlight of my career. I never dreamed that I would follow in his footsteps, though everyone in late night follows Dave’s lead. I’m thrilled and grateful that CBS chose me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go grind a gap in my front teeth Picture Quote #1

I’ve been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I’m executive producer, I’m a writer and the host Picture Quote #1

I love being onstage. I love the relationship with the audience. I love the letting go, the sense of discovery, the improvising Picture Quote #1

Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that’s going to make me seem kind of gay Picture Quote #1

Don’t be afraid to make things up. Never fear being exposed as a fraud. Experts make things up all the time. They’re qualified to Picture Quote #1

There’s nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell Picture Quote #1

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I have a mug that actually verifies that I’m the world’s best dad. That’s a mug. That’s not me talking. You can’t just buy those Picture Quote #1

I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it’s more than that. It’s an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids. Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche and then applies an antibiotic cream. You gotta keep it away from your eyes Picture Quote #1

I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it’s more than that. It’s an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids Picture Quote #1

I’m obviously younger, much better looking [then Jeorge W.Bush].He didn’t veto things, he didn’t bring order and fiscal restraint Picture Quote #1

Mentioning Jesus in your speech: Small government. Doing what Jesus asked: Big government Picture Quote #1

Hatemongers like Media Matters take innocent statements like mine, Rush Limbaugh’s, John Gibson’s, and Bill O’Reilly’s and make them offensive by posting them on the Internet, allowing the general public to hear words that were meant for people who already agree with us. Hey, Media Matters, you want to end offensive speech? Then stop recording it for people who would be offended Picture Quote #1

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Don’t be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life Picture Quote #1

As a rule, Germans shouldn’t do comedy. Their last box office comedy was Nosferatu Picture Quote #1

I’m a satirist, so I’ve got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I’m not an assassin Picture Quote #1

I’m a satirist, so I’ve got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I’m not an assassin. If that ever happens, it’s only because something happened during the interview that got me going, and then I had to translate my feelings to the mouth of the character Picture Quote #1

Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don’t think about it Picture Quote #1

When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don’t want to ride around in a quitter Picture Quote #1

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Now you’ll have to wait for hours in line for medical care instead of immediately not getting any Picture Quote #1

The goal is to have fun with my friends.And that means sometimes talking about things that you care about Picture Quote #1

That’s my parenting style - ‘Go watch the TV.’ I’m one of 11 children, and my mother’s parenting style was, ‘There’s the TV. Go watch it. Mommy’s got 10 other people to take care of.’ Picture Quote #1

I’m not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are Picture Quote #1

I started off at the Second City in Chicago... It’s an improvisational theater that ostensibly does social and political satire, but when I was there, we generally didn’t. We did character work, and we did just the silliest things we could think of. We weren’t all that concerned with, you know, changing the world through mime Picture Quote #1

We have this idea in our minds that there’s this separation of church and state in America, which I think is a good thing. And we extend that to our politics - not just church and state, but it’s also there’s a separation of religion and politics. But of course there isn’t Picture Quote #1

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I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible Â- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical Picture Quote #1

Class is a way of looking at society that divides people into different categories based on how much money they’re willing to make Picture Quote #1

The first time I met Jon Stewart was at the press conference that Comedy Central held to announce Jon would be the new host of ‘The Daily Show,’ which back then was not called ‘The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.’ Picture Quote #1

Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them? Picture Quote #1

Odyssey Dawn? That’s not a military operation. That’s a Carnival Cruise ship Picture Quote #1

When I got to ‘The Daily Show,’ they asked me to have a political opinion. It turned out that I had one, but I didn’t realize quite how liberal I was until I was asked to make passionate comedic choices as opposed to necessarily successful comedic choices Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Simply being a guest on David Letterman’s show has been a highlight of my career. I never dreamed that I would follow in his footsteps, though everyone in late night follows Dave’s lead. I’m thrilled and grateful that CBS chose me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go grind a gap in my front teeth. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I’ve been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I’m executive producer, I’m a writer and the host. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I love being onstage. I love the relationship with the audience. I love the letting go, the sense of discovery, the improvising. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that’s going to make me seem kind of gay. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Don’t be afraid to make things up. Never fear being exposed as a fraud. Experts make things up all the time. They’re qualified to. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) There’s nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I have a mug that actually verifies that I’m the world’s best dad. That’s a mug. That’s not me talking. You can’t just buy those. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it’s more than that. It’s an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids. Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche and then applies an antibiotic cream. You gotta keep it away from your eyes. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it’s more than that. It’s an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I’m obviously younger, much better looking [then Jeorge W.Bush].He didn’t veto things, he didn’t bring order and fiscal restraint. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Mentioning Jesus in your speech: Small government. Doing what Jesus asked: Big government. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Hatemongers like Media Matters take innocent statements like mine, Rush Limbaugh’s, John Gibson’s, and Bill O’Reilly’s and make them offensive by posting them on the Internet, allowing the general public to hear words that were meant for people who already agree with us. Hey, Media Matters, you want to end offensive speech? Then stop recording it for people who would be offended. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Don’t be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) As a rule, Germans shouldn’t do comedy. Their last box office comedy was Nosferatu. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I’m a satirist, so I’ve got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I’m not an assassin. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I’m a satirist, so I’ve got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I’m not an assassin. If that ever happens, it’s only because something happened during the interview that got me going, and then I had to translate my feelings to the mouth of the character. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don’t think about it. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don’t want to ride around in a quitter. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Now you’ll have to wait for hours in line for medical care instead of immediately not getting any. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) The goal is to have fun with my friends.And that means sometimes talking about things that you care about. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) That’s my parenting style - ‘Go watch the TV.’ I’m one of 11 children, and my mother’s parenting style was, ‘There’s the TV. Go watch it. Mommy’s got 10 other people to take care of.’ (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I’m not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I started off at the Second City in Chicago... It’s an improvisational theater that ostensibly does social and political satire, but when I was there, we generally didn’t. We did character work, and we did just the silliest things we could think of. We weren’t all that concerned with, you know, changing the world through mime. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) We have this idea in our minds that there’s this separation of church and state in America, which I think is a good thing. And we extend that to our politics - not just church and state, but it’s also there’s a separation of religion and politics. But of course there isn’t. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible Â- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Class is a way of looking at society that divides people into different categories based on how much money they’re willing to make. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) The first time I met Jon Stewart was at the press conference that Comedy Central held to announce Jon would be the new host of ‘The Daily Show,’ which back then was not called ‘The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.’ (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them? (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Odyssey Dawn? That’s not a military operation. That’s a Carnival Cruise ship. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) When I got to ‘The Daily Show,’ they asked me to have a political opinion. It turned out that I had one, but I didn’t realize quite how liberal I was until I was asked to make passionate comedic choices as opposed to necessarily successful comedic choices. (Stephen Colbert Quotes)

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