|

|

Advertisements

Stephen Colbert Quotes

Now, I don’t see color. People tell me I’m white and I believe them because police officers call me ‘sir’ Picture Quote #1

If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail Picture Quote #1

The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That’s why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus Picture Quote #1

I stand by this man (President George W. Bush). I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound.. with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world Picture Quote #1

Citizens United said that transparency would be the disinfectant, but (c)(4)’s are warm, wet, moist incubators. There is no disinfectant Picture Quote #1

I can’t be gay! I’m a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig Picture Quote #1

Advertisements

Take away the Big Bang and what has God done? Burned a bush and got a girl pregnant. Great, he’s a high school junior Picture Quote #1

I believe all God’s creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines! Picture Quote #1

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she’s on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp Picture Quote #1

You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what’s going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say ‘yes.’ And if you’re lucky, you’ll find people who will say ‘yes’ back Picture Quote #1

Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts Picture Quote #1

I’ve got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla! Picture Quote #1

Advertisements

You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It’s just a really bad omelette Picture Quote #1

I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex? Picture Quote #1

I spent my first two years at a small all-male college in Virginia called Hampden-Sydney. That was like going to college 120 years ago. The languages, a year of rhetoric, all of the great books, Western Man courses, stuff like that Picture Quote #1

And of course I don’t go anywhere without my pet goldfish, Anthrax. I always tell security I’m carrying Anthrax. Yeah, sure I get a lot of guff about it, but it’s a family name; I’m not changing it Picture Quote #1

John Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody’s compensating for his small government Picture Quote #1

Senator Kerry does not support our troops. If he had won the election, there wouldn’t be any troops left in Iraq. President Bush, on the other hand, has given our troops an opportunity to fight without end. That’s creating jobs. In fact, the president’s policies helped create 104 more job openings last month. Now who’s stupid, Senator? Picture Quote #1

Advertisements

Will Herman Cain become the first black President that I acknowledge? I call him a dark horse because he’s an unlikely candidate who surged forward, and not because he’s a horse Picture Quote #1

Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I’m not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it’s at least Gay-rusalem Picture Quote #1

I gotta tell you, I do not envy whoever they try to put in David Letterman’s chair. Folks those are some huge shoes to fill, and some really big pants Picture Quote #1

The beauty of new media is that no evidence is necessary. The brave blog-troopers have stormed the cockpit of news, and wrestled the joystick of authority away from the seasoned pilots of the press who would land our country at the Facts International Airport Picture Quote #1

Made no mistake: America is a Christian nation. The bedrock of our theo-democracy is our Judeo-Christian values. that term, by the way, is a bit of a misnomer. It implies that Christianity and Judaism are equal Picture Quote #1

News for the godless: religion is inescapable. there has never been a human society without some form of worship. And don’t point to communist societies like the Soviet Union - they worshipped blue jeans Picture Quote #1

Advertisements

Yesterday in a 25 to 24 vote, Republicans welcomed back Lott back into their leadership and named him minority whip. That is great for Trent. They say minority whip is a stepping stone to Grand Wizard Picture Quote #1

Republicans: the party that brought us ‘Just Say No.’ First as a drug policy, then as their entire platform Picture Quote #1

Cameras are dangerous. With no waiting period or background check, any whack-job could just stroll into a Wal-Mart and walk out with a semi-automatic. Now, for years I’ve been pressing for stricter regulations on cameras, especially around our elected officials. Too many political lives have been cut short by some crazed shooter Picture Quote #1

That’s what’s great about America: that our freedom of religion allows me to interpret the Bible exactly how it fits my worldview already Picture Quote #1

I don’t accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express Picture Quote #1

Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans Picture Quote #1

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 - 10

Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

Advertisements

Text Quotes

Now, I don’t see color. People tell me I’m white and I believe them because police officers call me ‘sir’ (Stephen Colbert Quotes) If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail (Stephen Colbert Quotes) The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That’s why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I stand by this man (President George W. Bush). I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound.. with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Citizens United said that transparency would be the disinfectant, but (c)(4)’s are warm, wet, moist incubators. There is no disinfectant (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I can’t be gay! I’m a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Take away the Big Bang and what has God done? Burned a bush and got a girl pregnant. Great, he’s a high school junior (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I believe all God’s creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines! (Stephen Colbert Quotes) This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she’s on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp (Stephen Colbert Quotes) You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what’s going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say ‘yes.’ And if you’re lucky, you’ll find people who will say ‘yes’ back (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I’ve got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla! (Stephen Colbert Quotes) You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It’s just a really bad omelette (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex? (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I spent my first two years at a small all-male college in Virginia called Hampden-Sydney. That was like going to college 120 years ago. The languages, a year of rhetoric, all of the great books, Western Man courses, stuff like that (Stephen Colbert Quotes) And of course I don’t go anywhere without my pet goldfish, Anthrax. I always tell security I’m carrying Anthrax. Yeah, sure I get a lot of guff about it, but it’s a family name; I’m not changing it (Stephen Colbert Quotes) John Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody’s compensating for his small government (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Senator Kerry does not support our troops. If he had won the election, there wouldn’t be any troops left in Iraq. President Bush, on the other hand, has given our troops an opportunity to fight without end. That’s creating jobs. In fact, the president’s policies helped create 104 more job openings last month. Now who’s stupid, Senator? (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Will Herman Cain become the first black President that I acknowledge? I call him a dark horse because he’s an unlikely candidate who surged forward, and not because he’s a horse (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I’m not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it’s at least Gay-rusalem (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I gotta tell you, I do not envy whoever they try to put in David Letterman’s chair. Folks those are some huge shoes to fill, and some really big pants (Stephen Colbert Quotes) The beauty of new media is that no evidence is necessary. The brave blog-troopers have stormed the cockpit of news, and wrestled the joystick of authority away from the seasoned pilots of the press who would land our country at the Facts International Airport (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Made no mistake: America is a Christian nation. The bedrock of our theo-democracy is our Judeo-Christian values. that term, by the way, is a bit of a misnomer. It implies that Christianity and Judaism are equal (Stephen Colbert Quotes) News for the godless: religion is inescapable. there has never been a human society without some form of worship. And don’t point to communist societies like the Soviet Union - they worshipped blue jeans (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Yesterday in a 25 to 24 vote, Republicans welcomed back Lott back into their leadership and named him minority whip. That is great for Trent. They say minority whip is a stepping stone to Grand Wizard (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Republicans: the party that brought us ‘Just Say No.’ First as a drug policy, then as their entire platform (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Cameras are dangerous. With no waiting period or background check, any whack-job could just stroll into a Wal-Mart and walk out with a semi-automatic. Now, for years I’ve been pressing for stricter regulations on cameras, especially around our elected officials. Too many political lives have been cut short by some crazed shooter (Stephen Colbert Quotes) That’s what’s great about America: that our freedom of religion allows me to interpret the Bible exactly how it fits my worldview already. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) I don’t accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express. (Stephen Colbert Quotes) Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans. (Stephen Colbert Quotes)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 - 10