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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table Picture Quote #1

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass Picture Quote #1

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home Picture Quote #1

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other! Picture Quote #1

A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, man, I wish I had your willpower Picture Quote #1

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it Picture Quote #1

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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest Picture Quote #1

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend Picture Quote #1

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive Picture Quote #1

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio Picture Quote #1

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie Picture Quote #1

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going Picture Quote #1

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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock Picture Quote #1

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend Picture Quote #1

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair Picture Quote #1

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid Picture Quote #1

I was an ugly kid. I worked in a pet store. People kept asking how big I get Picture Quote #1

I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex. Last night, she called me from a motel Picture Quote #1

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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio Picture Quote #1

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no Picture Quote #1

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror Picture Quote #1

I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone Picture Quote #1

I told my doctor,

Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it Picture Quote #1

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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe Picture Quote #1

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me! Picture Quote #1

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves Picture Quote #1

She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize Picture Quote #1

He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms Picture Quote #1

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other! (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, man, I wish I had your willpower (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I was an ugly kid. I worked in a pet store. People kept asking how big I get (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex. Last night, she called me from a motel (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me! (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)

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