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Jarod Kintz Quotes

Coffee has a way of waking my soul, much like drinking liquid heaven would Picture Quote #1

I am the Today Monster, and I’m hungry for yesterday. And I’m thirsty for coffee, which is like drinking tomorrow Picture Quote #1

Like my grandpa, who dropped out of school to farm, I have a 4th grade education. Of course, I have a college degree, too. Both require the same reading level Picture Quote #1

We got into an argument over the color of love. I said it was pink, and he said it was red. So you see, I had no other choice but to stab him Picture Quote #1

I won a gold medal that day. I was a winner. Of course, since I was the only one competing, I was also a loser. It feels terrible coming in last place Picture Quote #1

I make naked, and I make it by hand. I also make it using the rest of my body. Coming soon to a Walmart near you Picture Quote #1

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I was so depressed I thought about committing TV. I mean suicide. In the end I decided to binge on @Netflix and it really made me feel better Picture Quote #1

If man traveled as a centipede does, rather than with two self-interested steps at a time, more common ground would get covered Picture Quote #1

Music enters through the ear, not the penis hole. This is probably a common mistake most deaf men make Picture Quote #1

I got excited when I saw a midget, and then disappointed when I realized it was just a child. Those things are so common Picture Quote #1

If my remote control doubled as a dildo, I’d never get off my ass to change the channel Picture Quote #1

Wrapped inside one is love. Wrapped inside another is hate. What do you think is wrapped inside the third? If you answered meat, beans, and cheese, you’d be correct Picture Quote #1

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Combine a fog machine and a cotton candy maker to create delicious mystery. This is the heart of romance Picture Quote #1

You might think there is nothing more patriotic than dying for your country, but I think there is nothing more patriotic than living for your country Picture Quote #1

I am passionate about creating, not about procreating. My love for art is greater than my love for making love Picture Quote #1

Now that parking meters have shifted from quarters to credit cards, I worry someone will steal my identity, my wallet, and my car and drive around town parking all over the place Picture Quote #1

I cross country ski on conveyer belts covered with shaved ice. People trying to check out at the grocery store need to show more respect for serious athletes Picture Quote #1

In elementary school, in my lunchbox, I used to pack a saxophone. I could have been a chef, a culinary artist, and all that jazz Picture Quote #1

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I don’t like customer service, because I don’t believe the customer should have to pay and help out too Picture Quote #1

To express our love, we carved a heart into the trunk of a tree, which I later cut down and turned into a cabinet to more efficiently hold all our love Picture Quote #1

Her dad died unexpectedly, so I hid the flowers, because flowers are reminders of spring and life, and also of headstones and death. Also, I hid the flowers because they were for another woman Picture Quote #1

I had a great view of the sunset. At least until father went and changed the channel. Dammit, dad! Picture Quote #1

People tell me I look like my father. I’ve never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible? Picture Quote #1

We fell in love like two medium pizzas in one large stomach. I wish dad would have saved a few slices for us Picture Quote #1

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Her smile energizes me as the sun photosynthesizes life. Our love grows daily Picture Quote #1

I know a woman loves me when she leaves me leftovers in the fridge from the date she went on the night before Picture Quote #1

I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet? Picture Quote #1

I remember the day coach decided to bench me. We were walking in a botanical garden Picture Quote #1

Dear mom, My lieutenant is a prostitute. Can you please send me more lunch money, as her rates have recently increased Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Coffee has a way of waking my soul, much like drinking liquid heaven would (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I am the Today Monster, and I’m hungry for yesterday. And I’m thirsty for coffee, which is like drinking tomorrow. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Like my grandpa, who dropped out of school to farm, I have a 4th grade education. Of course, I have a college degree, too. Both require the same reading level. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) We got into an argument over the color of love. I said it was pink, and he said it was red. So you see, I had no other choice but to stab him. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I won a gold medal that day. I was a winner. Of course, since I was the only one competing, I was also a loser. It feels terrible coming in last place. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I make naked, and I make it by hand. I also make it using the rest of my body. Coming soon to a Walmart near you. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I was so depressed I thought about committing TV. I mean suicide. In the end I decided to binge on @Netflix and it really made me feel better. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) If man traveled as a centipede does, rather than with two self-interested steps at a time, more common ground would get covered. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Music enters through the ear, not the penis hole. This is probably a common mistake most deaf men make. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I got excited when I saw a midget, and then disappointed when I realized it was just a child. Those things are so common. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) If my remote control doubled as a dildo, I’d never get off my ass to change the channel (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Wrapped inside one is love. Wrapped inside another is hate. What do you think is wrapped inside the third? If you answered meat, beans, and cheese, you’d be correct. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Combine a fog machine and a cotton candy maker to create delicious mystery. This is the heart of romance. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) You might think there is nothing more patriotic than dying for your country, but I think there is nothing more patriotic than living for your country. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I am passionate about creating, not about procreating. My love for art is greater than my love for making love. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Now that parking meters have shifted from quarters to credit cards, I worry someone will steal my identity, my wallet, and my car and drive around town parking all over the place. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I cross country ski on conveyer belts covered with shaved ice. People trying to check out at the grocery store need to show more respect for serious athletes. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) In elementary school, in my lunchbox, I used to pack a saxophone. I could have been a chef, a culinary artist, and all that jazz. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I don’t like customer service, because I don’t believe the customer should have to pay and help out too. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) To express our love, we carved a heart into the trunk of a tree, which I later cut down and turned into a cabinet to more efficiently hold all our love. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Her dad died unexpectedly, so I hid the flowers, because flowers are reminders of spring and life, and also of headstones and death. Also, I hid the flowers because they were for another woman. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I had a great view of the sunset. At least until father went and changed the channel. Dammit, dad! (Jarod Kintz Quotes) People tell me I look like my father. I’ve never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible? (Jarod Kintz Quotes) We fell in love like two medium pizzas in one large stomach. I wish dad would have saved a few slices for us. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Her smile energizes me as the sun photosynthesizes life. Our love grows daily. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I know a woman loves me when she leaves me leftovers in the fridge from the date she went on the night before. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet? (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I remember the day coach decided to bench me. We were walking in a botanical garden. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) If you don’t think you need to develop your personal brand, my advice for you comes in the wisdom of two road signs: STOP; DEAD END. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Dear mom, My lieutenant is a prostitute. Can you please send me more lunch money, as her rates have recently increased. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)

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