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Jarod Kintz Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
I won’t discuss non-discussable things with her, like the sound of silence or the vertical dimensions of an awkward moment. Those sorts of things are best left unsaid, like the last time I told her I loved her. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
When her boyfriend broke his leg, I knew it was my chance to ask her to dance. So I put down my baseball bat and approached her like Babe Ruth. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
I keep an outfit of my baby clothes on a hanger in my closet. It hangs there like a heretical, anorexic midget. I do this to increase my chances of getting laid (wet baloney is the key to better love making). (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
I moved my hand in and out of the shadow and pondered life and death. Then I put on my lipstick, pulled up my pants, and got back to work. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
In a good economy, people work hard to succeed. In a bad economy, people work hard to not fail. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
She had two blueberries for eyes, and hair the color of strawberries. Too bad our love never made it past the kitchen and into the bedroom (or garage). (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
The scope of my problem will easily fit in the scope of my rifle. Too bad true love has to come with a mother-in-law. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
0 plus 100 equals 100. But so does 50 plus 50, only with more balance. Let this be a lesson in love. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
In high school I used to sing in the shower. None of the football players liked it, because they were all naked and I was in a tuxedo. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Like a ballet dancer, she keeps me on my toes. This dance we’re doing, it keeps me so fit I know she’s a perfect fit for me. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Love can make a flower more fragrant, a blue sky bluer, and an empty bank account emptier. I should probably sign up for another credit card. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
I made plans out of hope, expectation, desire, and duct tape, and I broke those plans with my bare hands. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Make yourself interesting to history. Master some aspect of life, and then find a different area and do something crazy. Become a painter, then round up a herd of cattle and slaughter them with your bare hands. Then collect their blood and paint a mural memorializing their glorious death. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Underwater nobody can dance. Let this be a lesson in basket weaving. And love. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
She makes my heart flutter, like a butterfly with the wings of an eagle (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
To be invisible, paint yourself with the direct shade of zero. Leave nothing to chance, by taking nothing with you wherever you go. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
I want my relationship with my girlfriend to be built on trust, not toothpicks, rubber bands, and lentil beans. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Even the ocean waves take their hellos to the people all the time. I should take my hellos down to the beach and sell waves to the tourists. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Yesterday I bought myself a karate trophy. But I feel like I won it, because the salesman really beat me up over the price. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
When you get to know them, most professional fighters are big teddy bears. I say that having been beat up by a few stuffed animals. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
If you think the human body is beautiful, you haven’t met my uncle Melvin. His cam session starts at 6:00 if you wanna see. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
When I see a beautiful woman, my heart doesn’t go Thump, thump. It goes Hush, hush. I’m very secretive about my feelings. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Number one on my list of things to do before I die is become immortal. Obviously there is no number two on my list. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Being a parent is apparently more than most men can handle. This is transparent to even the tiniest child. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
My dad taught me everything I know about being a man, and most of what I know about being a woman. The rest I had to learn from textbooks. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
There is nothing more enjoyable than being a member of an enlightened group of people that meets in complete darkness in complete secrecy. I have no idea why the other members joined, when they joined, how they joined, or if, in fact, there are any other members. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Being a parent is a gift, one which most men unselfishly allow women to keep all to themselves (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Love is being able to be yourself, with another human being who makes you want to be better than yourself. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Patience is so valuable I’m willing to wait forever to achieve it. And while I wait, I may as well get busy being short-tempered. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Everyone is a salesman, and the product is each person. Personal branding is being conscious to the continual nature of selling yourself. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)