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Jarod Kintz Quotes

Earlier tonight somebody robbed an all-you-can-eat buffet. Suspect at large Picture Quote #1

Are you happy here with me? Because if not, we can scoot over a few feet Picture Quote #1

I value your friendship. I value it at one billion dollars. We should sell it Picture Quote #1

Do I attribute my success to hard work, or sunscreen? If you want the truth, maybe you should ask my new albino secretary Picture Quote #1

Tempers are temporary, but hateful and hurtful words can be remembered forever. Leave a legacy of love and say only kind things Picture Quote #1

I love teamwork. I love the idea of everyone rallying together to help me win Picture Quote #1

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North, south, east, west, I need to find a nude erection to point the way Picture Quote #1

I dated an IRS agent, and I cheated on her. Not with a woman, but on my taxes Picture Quote #1

Clothes are expensive. Save money and become a nudist. Remember: Fashions may change, but naked is always in style Picture Quote #1

Coffee has a way of waking my soul, much like drinking liquid heaven would Picture Quote #1

Her smile energizes me as the sun photosynthesizes life. Our love grows daily Picture Quote #1

I shave my face like a car. I speed through car washes, but I brake for love Picture Quote #1

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Candle making is a half-ass business, because the product is only useful half the day, at night. Why not make candles that double as dildos, and make it a whole-ass business Picture Quote #1

The wind helps me unwind. I make love like Don Quixote windmilled into history Picture Quote #1

A brick could be used to keep warm, and a blanket could be used to build a house Picture Quote #1

I can kick the can down the road, and I can also kick other modal verbs Picture Quote #1

Two former students of mine are getting married. Congrats, grandpa and grandpa! Picture Quote #1

It’s a black and white issue: gray is grey, and there’s no two ways about it Picture Quote #1

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How many midget feet can you fit in your shoes? Depends on how big your penis is. Mine is 17 syllables long, like a haiku Picture Quote #1

I love firm hugs. Statues are so affectionate. Well, at least compared to my ex wife Picture Quote #1

I built my ex wife a Castle of Love, and she dug a moat and filled it with sharks and lawyers. Oh well, at least I got to keep the unicorn Picture Quote #1

The only time I like traffic lights turning yellow or red is in the fall Picture Quote #1

Love is like a hollowed out piece of chocolate, filled with melted music Picture Quote #1

She makes my heart flutter, like a butterfly with the wings of an eagle Picture Quote #1

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My penis burns. I guess I should stop trying to put out forest fires with it Picture Quote #1

Love is about forgiveness. And since I love you, you should forgive me Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Earlier tonight somebody robbed an all-you-can-eat buffet. Suspect at large. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Are you happy here with me? Because if not, we can scoot over a few feet. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I value your friendship. I value it at one billion dollars. We should sell it (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Do I attribute my success to hard work, or sunscreen? If you want the truth, maybe you should ask my new albino secretary. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Tempers are temporary, but hateful and hurtful words can be remembered forever. Leave a legacy of love and say only kind things. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I love teamwork. I love the idea of everyone rallying together to help me win. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) North, south, east, west, I need to find a nude erection to point the way (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I dated an IRS agent, and I cheated on her. Not with a woman, but on my taxes. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Clothes are expensive. Save money and become a nudist. Remember: Fashions may change, but naked is always in style. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Coffee has a way of waking my soul, much like drinking liquid heaven would (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Her smile energizes me as the sun photosynthesizes life. Our love grows daily. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I shave my face like a car. I speed through car washes, but I brake for love. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Candle making is a half-ass business, because the product is only useful half the day, at night. Why not make candles that double as dildos, and make it a whole-ass business. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) The wind helps me unwind. I make love like Don Quixote windmilled into history. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) A brick could be used to keep warm, and a blanket could be used to build a house (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I can kick the can down the road, and I can also kick other modal verbs (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Two former students of mine are getting married. Congrats, grandpa and grandpa! (Jarod Kintz Quotes) It’s a black and white issue: gray is grey, and there’s no two ways about it (Jarod Kintz Quotes) How many midget feet can you fit in your shoes? Depends on how big your penis is. Mine is 17 syllables long, like a haiku. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I love firm hugs. Statues are so affectionate. Well, at least compared to my ex wife. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) I built my ex wife a Castle of Love, and she dug a moat and filled it with sharks and lawyers. Oh well, at least I got to keep the unicorn. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) The only time I like traffic lights turning yellow or red is in the fall (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Love is like a hollowed out piece of chocolate, filled with melted music (Jarod Kintz Quotes) She makes my heart flutter, like a butterfly with the wings of an eagle (Jarod Kintz Quotes) My penis burns. I guess I should stop trying to put out forest fires with it. (Jarod Kintz Quotes) Love is about forgiveness. And since I love you, you should forgive me. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)

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