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Steven Wright Quotes

A metaphor is like a simile Picture Quote #1

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it Picture Quote #1

If I ever had twins, I’d use one for parts Picture Quote #1

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time Picture Quote #1

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering Picture Quote #1

I intend to live forever. So far, so good Picture Quote #1

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I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything Picture Quote #1

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country Picture Quote #1

What's another word for Thesaurus? Picture Quote #1

How young can you die of old age? Picture Quote #1

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths Picture Quote #1

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included Picture Quote #1

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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone Picture Quote #1

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding Picture Quote #1

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done Picture Quote #1

If God dropped acid, would he see people? Picture Quote #1

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time Picture Quote #1

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research Picture Quote #1

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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing Picture Quote #1

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five Picture Quote #1

I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I’m an idiot Picture Quote #1

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out Picture Quote #1

It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself Picture Quote #1

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out Picture Quote #1

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I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you’ve seen it Picture Quote #1

If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

A metaphor is like a simile (Steven Wright Quotes) Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it (Steven Wright Quotes) If I ever had twins, I’d use one for parts (Steven Wright Quotes) I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time (Steven Wright Quotes) I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering (Steven Wright Quotes) I intend to live forever. So far, so good (Steven Wright Quotes) I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything (Steven Wright Quotes) Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country (Steven Wright Quotes) What's another word for Thesaurus? (Steven Wright Quotes) How young can you die of old age? (Steven Wright Quotes) A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths (Steven Wright Quotes) I bought some batteries, but they weren't included (Steven Wright Quotes) I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone (Steven Wright Quotes) I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding (Steven Wright Quotes) I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done (Steven Wright Quotes) If God dropped acid, would he see people? (Steven Wright Quotes) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time (Steven Wright Quotes) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research (Steven Wright Quotes) I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing (Steven Wright Quotes) I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five (Steven Wright Quotes) I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I’m an idiot (Steven Wright Quotes) I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out (Steven Wright Quotes) It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself (Steven Wright Quotes) I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out (Steven Wright Quotes) I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you’ve seen it (Steven Wright Quotes) If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny (Steven Wright Quotes)

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