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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me! (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house... so he moved (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio... I don't understand a word they're saying (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
My wife had her drivers' test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?' (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me.... and no one showed up (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half! (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck." (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But I never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there! (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot! (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)