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George Carlin Quotes

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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help  (George Carlin Quotes) A pear is a failed apple  (George Carlin Quotes) To me, fast food is when a cheetah eats an antelope  (George Carlin Quotes) Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity  (George Carlin Quotes) Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!  (George Carlin Quotes) May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!  (George Carlin Quotes) Your home is your refuge  (George Carlin Quotes) The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage  (George Carlin Quotes) Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails  (George Carlin Quotes) If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?  (George Carlin Quotes) If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer  (George Carlin Quotes) The planet isn’t going anywhere. We are  (George Carlin Quotes) When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?  (George Carlin Quotes) We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often  (George Carlin Quotes) We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values  (George Carlin Quotes) My first rule: I don’t believe anything the government tells me  (George Carlin Quotes) Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards  (George Carlin Quotes) Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate  (George Carlin Quotes) I go to bed early; my favorite dream comes on at nine  (George Carlin Quotes) Weather tonight: dark. Turning partly light by morning  (George Carlin Quotes) What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?  (George Carlin Quotes) Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?  (George Carlin Quotes) I couldn’t commit suicide if my life depended on it  (George Carlin Quotes) Weather forecast for tonight: dark  (George Carlin Quotes) I don’t like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that’s their shock. But there is no joke without surprise  (George Carlin Quotes) I’ve been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing  (George Carlin Quotes) I don’t vote. We’re led to believe we’re free through the exercise of ineffective freedoms  (George Carlin Quotes) Personally, emotionally, I’d rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure  (George Carlin Quotes) We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we’re a hardhearted people  (George Carlin Quotes) It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it  (George Carlin Quotes)
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