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Mitch Hedberg Quotes

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something Picture Quote #1

I haven't slept for 10 days, because that would be too long Picture Quote #1

I saw this wino eating grapes. I was like, dude, you have to wait Picture Quote #1

If you are flammable and have legs, you are not blocking a fire exit Picture Quote #1

Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience Picture Quote #1

I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day Picture Quote #1

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I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, ‘You’re gonna have to move, you’re blocking a fire exit.’ As though if there was a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you’re flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit Picture Quote #1

Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned! Picture Quote #1

Well, that’s a ‘fresher’. I’m going on break Picture Quote #1

I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible Picture Quote #1

Snake eyes is a gambling term, and an animal term, too Picture Quote #1

My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen Picture Quote #1

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Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine Picture Quote #1

I want to ride in a cold air balloon. This isn’t going anywhere! Picture Quote #1

The customer’s always right Picture Quote #1

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it’s dirty Picture Quote #1

Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that Picture Quote #1

Tony the Tiger usually thinks that stuff is great Picture Quote #1

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I find that a duck’s opinion of me is largely influence by whether or not I have bread Picture Quote #1

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs Picture Quote #1

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer Picture Quote #1

Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes Picture Quote #1

Dogs are forever in the push up postion Picture Quote #1

Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read! Picture Quote #1

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I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle Picture Quote #1

I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long Picture Quote #1

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal Picture Quote #1

I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary Picture Quote #1

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs Picture Quote #1

I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I haven't slept for 10 days, because that would be too long (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I saw this wino eating grapes. I was like, dude, you have to wait (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) If you are flammable and have legs, you are not blocking a fire exit (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, ‘You’re gonna have to move, you’re blocking a fire exit.’ As though if there was a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you’re flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned! (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Well, that’s a ‘fresher’. I’m going on break (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Snake eyes is a gambling term, and an animal term, too (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen. (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I want to ride in a cold air balloon. This isn’t going anywhere! (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) The customer’s always right (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it’s dirty. (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that. (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Tony the Tiger usually thinks that stuff is great (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I find that a duck’s opinion of me is largely influence by whether or not I have bread (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Dogs are forever in the push up postion (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read! (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I remixed a remix, it was back to normal (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it (Mitch Hedberg Quotes)

1 2 3 4 5 - 7