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Scott Adams Quotes

Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait Picture Quote #1

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car Picture Quote #1

For example, if every time you eat popcorn, one hour later you fart so hard that it inflates your socks, you can reasonably assume popcorn makes you gassy Picture Quote #1

Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells crackpots that they should be doing more Picture Quote #1

I used to be stupid but I’ve turned that situation around 360 degrees Picture Quote #1

Good advertising can make people buy your product even if it sucks ... A dollar spent on brainwashing is more cost-effective than a dollar spent on product improvement Picture Quote #1

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Science is a good thing. News reporters are good things too. But it’s never a good idea to put them in the same room Picture Quote #1

Great minds don’t think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about fifty inventions Picture Quote #1

Highly intelligent and well-informed people disagree on every political issue. Therefore, intelligence and knowledge are useless for making decisions, because if any of that stuff helped, then all the smart people would have the same opinions. So use your gut instinct to make voting choices. That is exactly like being clueless, but with the added advantage that you’ll feel as if your random vote preserved democracy Picture Quote #1

There’s kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don’t pet her for 10 minutes she’ll bother you for six hours Picture Quote #1

A person with a flexible schedule and average resources will be happier than a rich person who has everything except a flexible schedule. Step one in your search for happiness is to continually work toward having control of your schedule Picture Quote #1

Everyone, including skeptics, will generate delusions that match their views. That is how a normal and healthy brain works. Skeptics are not exempt from self-delusion Picture Quote #1

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If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? Picture Quote #1

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks Picture Quote #1

Informed decision making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results Picture Quote #1

Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive Picture Quote #1

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion Picture Quote #1

Obviously there's not much options when you're a cartoonist - you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier Picture Quote #1

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Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart Picture Quote #1

Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it Picture Quote #1

The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want Picture Quote #1

When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids Picture Quote #1

Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently Picture Quote #1

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Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information Picture Quote #1

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems Picture Quote #1

Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet Picture Quote #1

Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end Picture Quote #1

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers Picture Quote #1

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait... (Scott Adams Quotes) In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car (Scott Adams Quotes) For example, if every time you eat popcorn, one hour later you fart so hard that it inflates your socks, you can reasonably assume popcorn makes you gassy. (Scott Adams Quotes) Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells crackpots that they should be doing more. (Scott Adams Quotes) I used to be stupid but I’ve turned that situation around 360 degrees (Scott Adams Quotes) Good advertising can make people buy your product even if it sucks ... A dollar spent on brainwashing is more cost-effective than a dollar spent on product improvement. (Scott Adams Quotes) Science is a good thing. News reporters are good things too. But it’s never a good idea to put them in the same room. (Scott Adams Quotes) Great minds don’t think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about fifty inventions. (Scott Adams Quotes) Highly intelligent and well-informed people disagree on every political issue. Therefore, intelligence and knowledge are useless for making decisions, because if any of that stuff helped, then all the smart people would have the same opinions. So use your gut instinct to make voting choices. That is exactly like being clueless, but with the added advantage that you’ll feel as if your random vote preserved democracy. (Scott Adams Quotes) There’s kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don’t pet her for 10 minutes she’ll bother you for six hours. (Scott Adams Quotes) A person with a flexible schedule and average resources will be happier than a rich person who has everything except a flexible schedule. Step one in your search for happiness is to continually work toward having control of your schedule. (Scott Adams Quotes) Everyone, including skeptics, will generate delusions that match their views. That is how a normal and healthy brain works. Skeptics are not exempt from self-delusion. (Scott Adams Quotes) If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? (Scott Adams Quotes) In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks (Scott Adams Quotes) Informed decision making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results (Scott Adams Quotes) Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive (Scott Adams Quotes) Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion (Scott Adams Quotes) Obviously there's not much options when you're a cartoonist - you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier (Scott Adams Quotes) Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart (Scott Adams Quotes) Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it (Scott Adams Quotes) Technology will definitely solve all our problems, but in the process it will create brand new ones. But that's O.K. Because the most you can expect from life is to get to solve better and better problems (Scott Adams Quotes) The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want (Scott Adams Quotes) When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids (Scott Adams Quotes) Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently (Scott Adams Quotes) Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information (Scott Adams Quotes) Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems (Scott Adams Quotes) Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet (Scott Adams Quotes) Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end (Scott Adams Quotes) The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers (Scott Adams Quotes) There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives (Scott Adams Quotes)

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