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Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Well, that’s a ‘fresher’. I’m going on break Picture Quote #1

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something Picture Quote #1

If you are flammable and have legs, you are not blocking a fire exit Picture Quote #1

Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience Picture Quote #1

I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day Picture Quote #1

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, ‘You’re gonna have to move, you’re blocking a fire exit.’ As though if there was a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you’re flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit Picture Quote #1

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Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned! Picture Quote #1

I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible Picture Quote #1

Snake eyes is a gambling term, and an animal term, too Picture Quote #1

I saw this wino eating grapes. I was like, dude, you have to wait Picture Quote #1

The customer’s always right Picture Quote #1

Tony the Tiger usually thinks that stuff is great Picture Quote #1

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Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that Picture Quote #1

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it’s dirty Picture Quote #1

I haven't slept for 10 days, because that would be too long Picture Quote #1

I want to ride in a cold air balloon. This isn’t going anywhere! Picture Quote #1

My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen Picture Quote #1

Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine Picture Quote #1

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To the people in the bathroom: How’s it going in there? Picture Quote #1

We don’t have to fix anything Picture Quote #1

Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that Picture Quote #1

I know people who believe in ghosts but don’t believe in themselves Picture Quote #1

A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage Picture Quote #1

People on the 14th floor, you know what floor you’re really on Picture Quote #1

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If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly Picture Quote #1

I’d hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat Picture Quote #1

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too Picture Quote #1

Swiss Cheese is a rip-off It’s the only cheese I can bite into and miss Picture Quote #1

I had one anchovy, that’s why I didn’t have two anchovies Picture Quote #1

I got a king-sized bed. I don’t know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he’d be comfortable Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Well, that’s a ‘fresher’. I’m going on break (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) If you are flammable and have legs, you are not blocking a fire exit (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, ‘You’re gonna have to move, you’re blocking a fire exit.’ As though if there was a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you’re flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned! (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Snake eyes is a gambling term, and an animal term, too (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I saw this wino eating grapes. I was like, dude, you have to wait (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) The customer’s always right (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Tony the Tiger usually thinks that stuff is great (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that. (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it’s dirty. (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I haven't slept for 10 days, because that would be too long (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I want to ride in a cold air balloon. This isn’t going anywhere! (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen. (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) To the people in the bathroom: How’s it going in there? (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) We don’t have to fix anything (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I know people who believe in ghosts but don’t believe in themselves (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) People on the 14th floor, you know what floor you’re really on (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I’d hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Swiss Cheese is a rip-off It’s the only cheese I can bite into and miss (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I had one anchovy, that’s why I didn’t have two anchovies (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I got a king-sized bed. I don’t know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he’d be comfortable (Mitch Hedberg Quotes)

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