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Demetri Martin Quotes

The reason you often get in comedy is because you’re not getting laid Picture Quote #1

The Pursuit of Happiness: It sure seems to like a good chase, doesn’t it? Picture Quote #1

Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths Picture Quote #1

My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer Picture Quote #1

When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry Picture Quote #1

It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator Picture Quote #1

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I am bravery. I am courage. I am valor. I am daring. I am holding a thesaurus Picture Quote #1

One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you’re in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you’re not it does just the opposite. It’s like hey, there’s an asshole Picture Quote #1

Reality is a concept that depends largely upon where you point your face Picture Quote #1

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal Picture Quote #1

I think it’s interesting that cologne rhymes with alone Picture Quote #1

Another term for balloon is bad breath holder Picture Quote #1

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Love is, and I hope it never isn’t Picture Quote #1

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades Picture Quote #1

I’m always excited to try something I haven’t done Picture Quote #1

I never set out to do a sketch show Picture Quote #1

Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron Picture Quote #1

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies Picture Quote #1

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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right Picture Quote #1

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray Picture Quote #1

My policy is no stone throwing regardless of housing situation Picture Quote #1

Hiking is just walking where it’s okay to pee Picture Quote #1

A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic Picture Quote #1

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! Picture Quote #1

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My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered Picture Quote #1

When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What’s it doing? It’s eating ants. DONE! Picture Quote #1

A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either Picture Quote #1

I think they named the orange before the carrot Picture Quote #1

Clowns have no respect for pie Picture Quote #1

A power nap, is when you sleep on someone who’s weaker than you Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

The reason you often get in comedy is because you’re not getting laid (Demetri Martin Quotes) The Pursuit of Happiness: It sure seems to like a good chase, doesn’t it? (Demetri Martin Quotes) Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths. (Demetri Martin Quotes) My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer. (Demetri Martin Quotes) When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry (Demetri Martin Quotes) It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator (Demetri Martin Quotes) I am bravery. I am courage. I am valor. I am daring. I am holding a thesaurus. (Demetri Martin Quotes) One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you’re in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you’re not it does just the opposite. It’s like hey, there’s an asshole. (Demetri Martin Quotes) Reality is a concept that depends largely upon where you point your face (Demetri Martin Quotes) Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal (Demetri Martin Quotes) I think it’s interesting that cologne rhymes with alone (Demetri Martin Quotes) Another term for balloon is bad breath holder (Demetri Martin Quotes) Love is, and I hope it never isn’t (Demetri Martin Quotes) The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades (Demetri Martin Quotes) I’m always excited to try something I haven’t done (Demetri Martin Quotes) I never set out to do a sketch show (Demetri Martin Quotes) Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron (Demetri Martin Quotes) Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies (Demetri Martin Quotes) Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right. (Demetri Martin Quotes) How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray (Demetri Martin Quotes) My policy is no stone throwing regardless of housing situation (Demetri Martin Quotes) Hiking is just walking where it’s okay to pee (Demetri Martin Quotes) A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic (Demetri Martin Quotes) If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! (Demetri Martin Quotes) My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered. (Demetri Martin Quotes) When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What’s it doing? It’s eating ants. DONE! (Demetri Martin Quotes) A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either (Demetri Martin Quotes) I think they named the orange before the carrot (Demetri Martin Quotes) Clowns have no respect for pie (Demetri Martin Quotes) A power nap, is when you sleep on someone who’s weaker than you (Demetri Martin Quotes)

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