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Demetri Martin Quotes

A glove is a very literal looking hand puppet Picture Quote #1

I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny Picture Quote #1

A mobile home with a flat tire is a home Picture Quote #1

I wonder how they deal with mice at Disney World Picture Quote #1

Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many Picture Quote #1

The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge Picture Quote #1

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This is a pie chart about procrastination Picture Quote #1

Hiking is just walking where it’s okay to pee Picture Quote #1

The reason you often get in comedy is because you’re not getting laid Picture Quote #1

One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you’re in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you’re not it does just the opposite. It’s like hey, there’s an asshole Picture Quote #1

My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer Picture Quote #1

When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What’s it doing? It’s eating ants. DONE! Picture Quote #1

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If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! Picture Quote #1

Clowns have no respect for pie Picture Quote #1

To me, comedy is a game Picture Quote #1

I think they named the orange before the carrot Picture Quote #1

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies Picture Quote #1

Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron Picture Quote #1

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I never set out to do a sketch show Picture Quote #1

Love is, and I hope it never isn’t Picture Quote #1

Another term for balloon is bad breath holder Picture Quote #1

I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who’s standing in front of me Picture Quote #1

I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that’s when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater Picture Quote #1

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

A glove is a very literal looking hand puppet (Demetri Martin Quotes) I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny (Demetri Martin Quotes) A mobile home with a flat tire is a home (Demetri Martin Quotes) I wonder how they deal with mice at Disney World (Demetri Martin Quotes) Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many. (Demetri Martin Quotes) The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge (Demetri Martin Quotes) This is a pie chart about procrastination (Demetri Martin Quotes) Hiking is just walking where it’s okay to pee (Demetri Martin Quotes) The reason you often get in comedy is because you’re not getting laid (Demetri Martin Quotes) One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you’re in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you’re not it does just the opposite. It’s like hey, there’s an asshole. (Demetri Martin Quotes) My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer. (Demetri Martin Quotes) When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What’s it doing? It’s eating ants. DONE! (Demetri Martin Quotes) If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! (Demetri Martin Quotes) Clowns have no respect for pie (Demetri Martin Quotes) To me, comedy is a game (Demetri Martin Quotes) I think they named the orange before the carrot (Demetri Martin Quotes) Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies (Demetri Martin Quotes) Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron (Demetri Martin Quotes) I never set out to do a sketch show (Demetri Martin Quotes) Love is, and I hope it never isn’t (Demetri Martin Quotes) Another term for balloon is bad breath holder (Demetri Martin Quotes) I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who’s standing in front of me (Demetri Martin Quotes) I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that’s when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater (Demetri Martin Quotes) Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away (Demetri Martin Quotes)