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Steven Wright Quotes

A true friend is someone who accepts your past, supports your present and encourages your future - Friend Quotes
Having you in my life made everything better - Love Quotes
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken - Oscar Wilde Quotes
Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is - Funny Quotes
Dogs teach us a lot of things but none more important than to love unconditionally - Dog Quotes
What a beautiful world it would be if people had hearts like dogs - Dog Quotes
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure - Funny Quotes
The darkest nights produce the brightest stars - Motivational Quotes
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Text Quotes
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life  (Steven Wright Quotes) If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?  (Steven Wright Quotes) Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time  (Steven Wright Quotes) I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost  (Steven Wright Quotes) The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach  (Steven Wright Quotes) Half the people you know are below average  (Steven Wright Quotes) I couldn’t find the remote control to the remote control  (Steven Wright Quotes) I was an only child, eventually  (Steven Wright Quotes) I lost a button hole  (Steven Wright Quotes) I’m not afraid of heights. I’m afraid of widths  (Steven Wright Quotes) I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar  (Steven Wright Quotes) If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose  (Steven Wright Quotes) Whatever happened to preparations A through G  (Steven Wright Quotes) Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections  (Steven Wright Quotes) Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse  (Steven Wright Quotes) How come abbreviated is such a long word  (Steven Wright Quotes) Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny  (Steven Wright Quotes) Why do psychics have to ask you for your name  (Steven Wright Quotes) Do fish get cramps after eating  (Steven Wright Quotes) Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new  (Steven Wright Quotes) Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of  (Steven Wright Quotes) Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?  (Steven Wright Quotes) Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase  (Steven Wright Quotes) Should you trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent  (Steven Wright Quotes) Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?  (Steven Wright Quotes) I invented the cordless extension cord  (Steven Wright Quotes) I just lost a buttonhole  (Steven Wright Quotes) Smoking cures weight problems, eventually  (Steven Wright Quotes) Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out  (Steven Wright Quotes) I’m a peripheral visionary  (Steven Wright Quotes)
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