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Phyllis Diller Quotes

Dogs teach us a lot of things but none more important than to love unconditionally - Dog Quotes
When I first saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew - William Shakespeare Quotes
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken - Oscar Wilde Quotes
You had me at hello - Love Quotes
I told you I'll be ready in FIVE minutes, stop calling me every half hour - Funny Quotes
Men go shopping to buy what they need. Women go shopping to find out what they want - Funny Quotes
And then you meet one person and your life changes forever - Love Quotes
If cats could talk, they wouldn't - Cat Quotes
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Text Quotes
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) A smile is a curve that sets everything straight  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) I don’t like to cook. I can make a TV dinner taste like radio  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) If it weren’t for my adam’s apple, I’d have no shape at all  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) All mothers are working mothers  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) How do you know they’re growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) Think of me as a sex symbol for the men who don’t give a damn  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) My photographs don’t do me justice - they just look like me  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) How do you know they’re growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) My plastic surgeon... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) Never refer to your wedding night as the original amateur hour  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out  (Phyllis Diller Quotes) Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves  (Phyllis Diller Quotes)
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