HOME POPULAR Love Life Inspiration Motivation Funny Friendship Family Faith Happy Hurt Sad Cute Success Wisdom ALL TOPICS Animals Art Attitude Beauty Business Birthdays Dreams Facts Fitness Food Forgiving Miss You Nature Peace Smile So True Sports Teenage Trust Movie TV Weddings More.. AUTHORS Einstein Plato Aristotle Twain Monroe Jefferson Wilde Carroll Confucius Hepburn Dalai Lama Lewis Lincoln Mandela Lao Tzu Ford More.. Affirmations Birthday Wishes
Follow On Pinterest
Advertisements

Jim Gaffigan Quotes

Advertisements
Advertisements
Advertisements
Advertisements
1 2 3 4 5 6
Friendship Quotes Love Quotes Life Quotes Funny Quotes Motivational Quotes Inspirational Quotes
Advertisements
Text Quotes
I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don’t you? But if you’re wearing your glasses like this ... Get away from ‘em!  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) Is there a homeless guy built in to the design of Dunkin’ Donuts? ...There’ll be an entrance here... a deranged lunatic here.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) There has been this belief among the Catholic community - and this - I’m no expert, this is my opinion - that cafeteria Catholics are wrong.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) Faith is something that’s - it’s hard to articulate. It’s - there’s - it’s not based on logic.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) My faith is very personal. It’s not something that I want to project on other people.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) I was raised in a family where my father was the first one to go to college  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) There’s a certain balance between finding an opportunity to do what you really enjoy and getting caught up in the flattery of people wanting you to do things.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) Who was the first person to walk into a harbor and say, Whatever that horrible smell is I want to eat it  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) Yeah the appetizer, that’s the food we eat before we have our food...No no you’re thinking of dessert, that’s food we eat after we have our food.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) I usually don’t have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I’m gonna start blowin crap up. It’s what the founding fathers would want.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) I’ve always been somebody that it takes me longer to learn things, but once I learn them... I’m like a quarterback that plays best in the fourth quarter.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) There’s something that’s really fun about the challenge of making the mundane funny, too, I think.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) Comics write to their point of view. If you’re an exceedingly irreverent comedian, you’ve got to see where that point of view fits or produces the most funny.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) The Pearly Gates. Am I the only one who finds it odd that Heaven has gates? What kind of neighborhood is Heaven in?  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we’re always kind of like, what are they doing?  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) I don’t know if I’m the husky guy, but I’m the sexy guy who’s a good kisser .  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) Holidays are also an opportunity for kids to unlearn every good habit they’ve learned during the rest of the year. They don’t go to school. They get to stay up past their bedtime. They get candy and presents for doing nothing. Childhood utopia.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) I was the youngest of six kids, so yeah, feeding myself was important, but it’s not like I was obsessed with food growing up.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) It is amazing how much more amazing sleep is in the morning. You wake up and you’re like, I stayed up to do what?! Watch Growing Pains? What was I thinking!? But at night you’re like, La La La La La, Hey! Growing Pains, awesome! And I’ve seen this episode. That Kirk Cameron’s always in trouble.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) I can’t believe we got grades in gym class. I’ve never used anything I learned in there. All right, I’m standing in front of a room full of strangers. Based on what I learned in gym class, I will throw a red ball at a fat guy.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) You think when gym teachers were younger, they’re thinking, You know, I want to teach...but I don’t want to read. How about kickball for 40 years?  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) It’s amazing how email has changed our lives. You ever get a handwritten letter in the mail today? ‘What the? Has someone been kidnapped?’  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) When your mom was not in labor yelling at me, she made me laugh so hard  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) The hardest part of the day is all the stuff after I open my eyes in the morning  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) Some people have their own bowling ball and their own bowling shoes... and no friends.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) You know what it’s like having five kids? Imagine you’re drowning. And someone hands you a baby.  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) The idea of having a large family, I definitely had a romantic notion of it  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes) Without Valentine's Day, February would be... Well, January  (Jim Gaffigan Quotes)
1 2 3 4 5 6