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Demetri Martin Quotes

Men go shopping to buy what they need. Women go shopping to find out what they want - Funny Quotes
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken - Oscar Wilde Quotes
You had me at hello - Love Quotes
The darkest nights produce the brightest stars - Motivational Quotes
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why - Mark Twain Quotes
I meant to behave but there were too many other options - Funny Quotes
Together is my favorite place to be - Love Quotes
Dogs teach us a lot of things but none more important than to love unconditionally - Dog Quotes
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Text Quotes
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets  (Demetri Martin Quotes) This is a pie chart about procrastination  (Demetri Martin Quotes) I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling  (Demetri Martin Quotes) The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge  (Demetri Martin Quotes) I’m always excited to try something I haven’t done  (Demetri Martin Quotes) If you have a lair then you are probably not a good person  (Demetri Martin Quotes) Most stick people are black  (Demetri Martin Quotes) The definition of adventure depends upon how boring your life is  (Demetri Martin Quotes) I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.  (Demetri Martin Quotes) Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.  (Demetri Martin Quotes) Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs  (Demetri Martin Quotes) I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming  (Demetri Martin Quotes) I wonder how they deal with mice at Disney World  (Demetri Martin Quotes) One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket  (Demetri Martin Quotes) I think it’s cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend  (Demetri Martin Quotes) I don’t usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class  (Demetri Martin Quotes) 99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks  (Demetri Martin Quotes) They should call fishing what it really is... tricking and killing!  (Demetri Martin Quotes) A mobile home with a flat tire is a home  (Demetri Martin Quotes) I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny  (Demetri Martin Quotes) A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy  (Demetri Martin Quotes) One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton  (Demetri Martin Quotes) A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys  (Demetri Martin Quotes) Have a great day. Note: does not apply to my enemies.  (Demetri Martin Quotes) It seems that man’s greatest natural enemy is the target  (Demetri Martin Quotes) A glove is a very literal looking hand puppet  (Demetri Martin Quotes) I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together  (Demetri Martin Quotes) If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!  (Demetri Martin Quotes) I think it’s interesting that cologne rhymes with alone  (Demetri Martin Quotes) Another term for balloon is bad breath holder  (Demetri Martin Quotes)
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