Advertisements
Demetri Martin Quotes
Advertisements
Advertisements
Advertisements
Advertisements






Advertisements
Text Quotes
One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket (Demetri Martin Quotes)
Most stick people are black (Demetri Martin Quotes)
The definition of adventure depends upon how boring your life is (Demetri Martin Quotes)
I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born. (Demetri Martin Quotes)
If you have a lair then you are probably not a good person (Demetri Martin Quotes)
The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge (Demetri Martin Quotes)
I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling (Demetri Martin Quotes)
This is a pie chart about procrastination (Demetri Martin Quotes)
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets (Demetri Martin Quotes)
Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many. (Demetri Martin Quotes)
Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs (Demetri Martin Quotes)
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming (Demetri Martin Quotes)
I wonder how they deal with mice at Disney World (Demetri Martin Quotes)
I think it’s cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend (Demetri Martin Quotes)
I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny (Demetri Martin Quotes)
I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together (Demetri Martin Quotes)
A glove is a very literal looking hand puppet (Demetri Martin Quotes)
It seems that man’s greatest natural enemy is the target (Demetri Martin Quotes)
Have a great day. Note: does not apply to my enemies. (Demetri Martin Quotes)
A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys (Demetri Martin Quotes)
One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton (Demetri Martin Quotes)
A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy (Demetri Martin Quotes)
A mobile home with a flat tire is a home (Demetri Martin Quotes)
They should call fishing what it really is... tricking and killing! (Demetri Martin Quotes)
99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks (Demetri Martin Quotes)
I don’t usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class (Demetri Martin Quotes)
As a creative person, you want to have a foothold and sense of progress (Demetri Martin Quotes)
When a couch potato is sliced up and then deep fried that is couch french fries (Demetri Martin Quotes)
Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation? (Demetri Martin Quotes)
Villains fear me because I am unpredictable and broccoli. See what I mean? (Demetri Martin Quotes)