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Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Tony the Tiger usually thinks that stuff is great Picture Quote #1

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something Picture Quote #1

If you are flammable and have legs, you are not blocking a fire exit Picture Quote #1

I saw this wino eating grapes. I was like, dude, you have to wait Picture Quote #1

I haven't slept for 10 days, because that would be too long Picture Quote #1

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, ‘You’re gonna have to move, you’re blocking a fire exit.’ As though if there was a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you’re flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit Picture Quote #1

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Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned! Picture Quote #1

I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible Picture Quote #1

My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen Picture Quote #1

The customer’s always right Picture Quote #1

What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you’re feeling sick but sociable Picture Quote #1

I’d hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat Picture Quote #1

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I got a king-sized bed. I don’t know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he’d be comfortable Picture Quote #1

A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage Picture Quote #1

We don’t have to fix anything Picture Quote #1

Then let’s print up some flyers! Picture Quote #1

No, I was just good at holding ice cream cones Picture Quote #1

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps Picture Quote #1

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A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef Picture Quote #1

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal Picture Quote #1

Dogs are forever in the push up postion Picture Quote #1

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs Picture Quote #1

Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes Picture Quote #1

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer Picture Quote #1

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A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap Picture Quote #1

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me Picture Quote #1

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults Picture Quote #1

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle Picture Quote #1

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down Picture Quote #1

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Tony the Tiger usually thinks that stuff is great (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) If you are flammable and have legs, you are not blocking a fire exit (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I saw this wino eating grapes. I was like, dude, you have to wait (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I haven't slept for 10 days, because that would be too long (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, ‘You’re gonna have to move, you’re blocking a fire exit.’ As though if there was a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you’re flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned! (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen. (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) The customer’s always right (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you’re feeling sick but sociable (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I’d hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I got a king-sized bed. I don’t know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he’d be comfortable (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) We don’t have to fix anything (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Then let’s print up some flyers! (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) No, I was just good at holding ice cream cones (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I remixed a remix, it was back to normal (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Dogs are forever in the push up postion (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down (Mitch Hedberg Quotes) If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work (Mitch Hedberg Quotes)

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