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Jack Handey Quotes

One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a wooden stake Picture Quote #1

Let’s be honest: Isn’t a lot of what we call tap dancing really just nerves? Picture Quote #1

Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies? One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars. Oh, I see now Picture Quote #1

It’s probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you’re talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something Picture Quote #1

Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, and I don’t care who hears me, because I am beautiful Picture Quote #1

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started Picture Quote #1

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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared Picture Quote #1

With every new sunrise, there is a new chance. But with every sunset, you blew it Picture Quote #1

If you’re a blacksmith, probably the proudest day of your life is when you get your first anvil. How innocent you are, little blacksmith Picture Quote #1

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a wooden stake (Jack Handey Quotes) Let’s be honest: Isn’t a lot of what we call tap dancing really just nerves? (Jack Handey Quotes) Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies? One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars. Oh, I see now (Jack Handey Quotes) It’s probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you’re talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something (Jack Handey Quotes) Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, and I don’t care who hears me, because I am beautiful (Jack Handey Quotes) If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started (Jack Handey Quotes) Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared (Jack Handey Quotes) With every new sunrise, there is a new chance. But with every sunset, you blew it (Jack Handey Quotes) If you’re a blacksmith, probably the proudest day of your life is when you get your first anvil. How innocent you are, little blacksmith (Jack Handey Quotes) Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny (Jack Handey Quotes)

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