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George Carlin Quotes

The first obligation I have is to be funny; it’s my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes Picture Quote #1

I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations Picture Quote #1

The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the intellect Picture Quote #1

Broadway isn’t a very big career move. There’s no money in it and it doesn’t mean anything to your career. It’s just a nice little jewel in the crown Picture Quote #1

There are only two types of motorists: the idiots who drive slower than me, and the lunatics who go faster Picture Quote #1

Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other’s minds, this would be a horror show Picture Quote #1

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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent Picture Quote #1

Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us Picture Quote #1

Part of the pleasure of being alive is the knowledge that you’re not dead yet Picture Quote #1

Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it Picture Quote #1

How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette? Picture Quote #1

Religion is like a pair of shoes... Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes Picture Quote #1

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If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase Picture Quote #1

I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in Picture Quote #1

Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body Picture Quote #1

I didn’t wash today. I wasn’t dirty. If I’m not dirty, I don’t wash. Some weeks I don’t have to shower at all. I just groom my three basic areas: teeth, hair, and asshole. And to save time, I use the same brush Picture Quote #1

The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he’d grab a little something on the way to work Picture Quote #1

I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into Picture Quote #1

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I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn’t find an opening Picture Quote #1

Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you Picture Quote #1

Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name Picture Quote #1

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff Picture Quote #1

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work Picture Quote #1

I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes Picture Quote #1

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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job! Picture Quote #1

If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? Picture Quote #1

Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away Picture Quote #1

The things they don’t tell you in schools these days, geez. Have a look at your owners. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. You don’t. You have no choice; you have owners. They own you. They own everything Picture Quote #1

Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you’ve painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe Picture Quote #1

Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

The first obligation I have is to be funny; it’s my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes (George Carlin Quotes) I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations (George Carlin Quotes) The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the intellect (George Carlin Quotes) Broadway isn’t a very big career move. There’s no money in it and it doesn’t mean anything to your career. It’s just a nice little jewel in the crown (George Carlin Quotes) There are only two types of motorists: the idiots who drive slower than me, and the lunatics who go faster (George Carlin Quotes) Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other’s minds, this would be a horror show (George Carlin Quotes) Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent (George Carlin Quotes) Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us (George Carlin Quotes) Part of the pleasure of being alive is the knowledge that you’re not dead yet (George Carlin Quotes) Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it (George Carlin Quotes) How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette? (George Carlin Quotes) Religion is like a pair of shoes... Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes (George Carlin Quotes) If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase (George Carlin Quotes) I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in (George Carlin Quotes) Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body (George Carlin Quotes) I didn’t wash today. I wasn’t dirty. If I’m not dirty, I don’t wash. Some weeks I don’t have to shower at all. I just groom my three basic areas: teeth, hair, and asshole. And to save time, I use the same brush (George Carlin Quotes) The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he’d grab a little something on the way to work (George Carlin Quotes) I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into (George Carlin Quotes) I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn’t find an opening (George Carlin Quotes) Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you (George Carlin Quotes) Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name (George Carlin Quotes) A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff (George Carlin Quotes) If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work (George Carlin Quotes) I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes (George Carlin Quotes) What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job! (George Carlin Quotes) If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? (George Carlin Quotes) Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away (George Carlin Quotes) The things they don’t tell you in schools these days, geez. Have a look at your owners. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. You don’t. You have no choice; you have owners. They own you. They own everything (George Carlin Quotes) Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you’ve painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe (George Carlin Quotes) Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever (George Carlin Quotes)

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