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David Sedaris Quotes

The difference between the first time I read something and the tenth time I read something is generally pretty profound. Even if the script is the same, just the way that I read it is different Picture Quote #1

The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing someone else stopped me completely Picture Quote #1

To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don’t see how that’s big news Picture Quote #1

When you read comic material and people aren’t laughing how do you know they’re listening Picture Quote #1

I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time Picture Quote #1

I don’t really do very well when I’m sent somewhere. A lot of magazines want to send you somewhere to do something. They want you to stow away on a ship, or something like that Picture Quote #1

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Most movies, I forget about them while I’m watching them. I go every single day. But I’ve never thought about participating in any way. It’s like being at home all day. It was never a goal to me Picture Quote #1

Most people, or at least most of the people that I’ve come into contact with, would like to be written about Picture Quote #1

I don’t like to read anything on the radio for the very first time, because I don’t have any notion of a reaction. When I read it out loud, then I get an idea of that, and more of an idea of how to read Picture Quote #1

Usually, if I think something is really funny, it doesn’t get any reaction whatsoever Picture Quote #1

If I were president, I would turn the tables and allow the fetus to abort its mother Picture Quote #1

Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it’s just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it Picture Quote #1

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I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting Picture Quote #1

I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day. At first I had to force myself. Then it became part of my identity, and I did it without thinking Picture Quote #1

I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later Picture Quote #1

If I’m riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven’t had a new mental adventure since high school. So that’s what I like about books on tape, so my mind can’t wander anywhere Picture Quote #1

Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself Picture Quote #1

We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail Picture Quote #1

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All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I’m afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints Picture Quote #1

I’m the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I’ve never even met Picture Quote #1

I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an occasional fool of itself Picture Quote #1

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings Picture Quote #1

.. she took pictures of germs, viruses, and people reacting to germs and viruses. On weekends, for extra money, she photographed weddings, which really wasn’t that much of a stretch Picture Quote #1

Often I’d take out my magnifying glass and stare into the chaos that was her face Picture Quote #1

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It is funny the things that run through your mind when you’re sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers Picture Quote #1

Most people would have found it grotesque, but when you’re in love nothing is so abstract or horrible that it can’t be thought of as cute Picture Quote #1

My first semester I had only nine students. Hoping they might view me as professional and well prepared, I arrived bearing name tags fashioned in the shape of maple leaves Picture Quote #1

My feet are completely flat, but for most of my life they were still shaped like feet. Now, thanks to bunions, they’re shaped more like states, wide boring ones that nobody wants to drive through Picture Quote #1

I can’t seem to fathom that the things important to me are not important to other people as well, and so I come off sounding like a missionary, someone whose job it is to convert rather than listen Picture Quote #1

I just looked at the pattern of my life, decided I didn’t like it, and changed Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

The difference between the first time I read something and the tenth time I read something is generally pretty profound. Even if the script is the same, just the way that I read it is different (David Sedaris Quotes) The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing someone else stopped me completely (David Sedaris Quotes) To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don’t see how that’s big news (David Sedaris Quotes) When you read comic material and people aren’t laughing how do you know they’re listening (David Sedaris Quotes) I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time (David Sedaris Quotes) I don’t really do very well when I’m sent somewhere. A lot of magazines want to send you somewhere to do something. They want you to stow away on a ship, or something like that (David Sedaris Quotes) Most movies, I forget about them while I’m watching them. I go every single day. But I’ve never thought about participating in any way. It’s like being at home all day. It was never a goal to me (David Sedaris Quotes) Most people, or at least most of the people that I’ve come into contact with, would like to be written about (David Sedaris Quotes) I don’t like to read anything on the radio for the very first time, because I don’t have any notion of a reaction. When I read it out loud, then I get an idea of that, and more of an idea of how to read (David Sedaris Quotes) Usually, if I think something is really funny, it doesn’t get any reaction whatsoever (David Sedaris Quotes) If I were president, I would turn the tables and allow the fetus to abort its mother (David Sedaris Quotes) Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it’s just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it (David Sedaris Quotes) I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting (David Sedaris Quotes) I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day. At first I had to force myself. Then it became part of my identity, and I did it without thinking (David Sedaris Quotes) I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later (David Sedaris Quotes) If I’m riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven’t had a new mental adventure since high school. So that’s what I like about books on tape, so my mind can’t wander anywhere (David Sedaris Quotes) Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself (David Sedaris Quotes) We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail (David Sedaris Quotes) All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I’m afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints (David Sedaris Quotes) I’m the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I’ve never even met (David Sedaris Quotes) I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an occasional fool of itself (David Sedaris Quotes) Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings (David Sedaris Quotes) .. she took pictures of germs, viruses, and people reacting to germs and viruses. On weekends, for extra money, she photographed weddings, which really wasn’t that much of a stretch (David Sedaris Quotes) Often I’d take out my magnifying glass and stare into the chaos that was her face (David Sedaris Quotes) It is funny the things that run through your mind when you’re sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers (David Sedaris Quotes) Most people would have found it grotesque, but when you’re in love nothing is so abstract or horrible that it can’t be thought of as cute (David Sedaris Quotes) My first semester I had only nine students. Hoping they might view me as professional and well prepared, I arrived bearing name tags fashioned in the shape of maple leaves (David Sedaris Quotes) My feet are completely flat, but for most of my life they were still shaped like feet. Now, thanks to bunions, they’re shaped more like states, wide boring ones that nobody wants to drive through (David Sedaris Quotes) I can’t seem to fathom that the things important to me are not important to other people as well, and so I come off sounding like a missionary, someone whose job it is to convert rather than listen (David Sedaris Quotes) I just looked at the pattern of my life, decided I didn’t like it, and changed (David Sedaris Quotes)

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