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Dave Barry Quotes

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting Picture Quote #1

Dogs need to sniff the ground; it’s how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard Picture Quote #1

What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America, or Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II Picture Quote #1

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face Picture Quote #1

Teenagers are bored. By everything. Show a teenager an actual volcanic eruption, in progress, featuring giant billowing clouds of smoke, hot rocks raining from the sky, lava flows destroying entire villages, etc., and the teenager, eyebrows arched with sarcasm, will look at you and say, Gee, this is swell, then return to the rental car, turn on his portable CD player, and listen to a band called Stomach Contents Picture Quote #1

Men’s magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women’s magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman’s body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women Picture Quote #1

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No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously Picture Quote #1

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling Picture Quote #1

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects Picture Quote #1

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent Picture Quote #1

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid Picture Quote #1

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl Picture Quote #1

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Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business Picture Quote #1

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates Picture Quote #1

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance Picture Quote #1

Database: The information you lose when your memory crashes Picture Quote #1

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them Picture Quote #1

I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me Picture Quote #1

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The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above average drivers Picture Quote #1

A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn Picture Quote #1

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment Picture Quote #1

Babies and other hazards of sex: how to make a tiny person in only 9 months, with tools you probably have around the home Picture Quote #1

Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain Picture Quote #1

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent Picture Quote #1

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I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and - regardless of their political or cultural differences - accuse each other of cheating Picture Quote #1

Light overcomes darkness. A tiny match can illuminate the darkest room. As long as there is some light somewhere in the universe, darkness can be defeated Picture Quote #1

Today’s scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster? Picture Quote #1

A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation’s state legislators Picture Quote #1

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting (Dave Barry Quotes) Dogs need to sniff the ground; it’s how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard (Dave Barry Quotes) What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America, or Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II (Dave Barry Quotes) Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face (Dave Barry Quotes) Teenagers are bored. By everything. Show a teenager an actual volcanic eruption, in progress, featuring giant billowing clouds of smoke, hot rocks raining from the sky, lava flows destroying entire villages, etc., and the teenager, eyebrows arched with sarcasm, will look at you and say, Gee, this is swell, then return to the rental car, turn on his portable CD player, and listen to a band called Stomach Contents. (Dave Barry Quotes) Men’s magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women’s magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman’s body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women. (Dave Barry Quotes) No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously (Dave Barry Quotes) Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling (Dave Barry Quotes) Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects (Dave Barry Quotes) To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent (Dave Barry Quotes) Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid (Dave Barry Quotes) The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl (Dave Barry Quotes) Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business (Dave Barry Quotes) The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates (Dave Barry Quotes) Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance (Dave Barry Quotes) Database: The information you lose when your memory crashes (Dave Barry Quotes) People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them (Dave Barry Quotes) I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me (Dave Barry Quotes) The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above average drivers (Dave Barry Quotes) A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn (Dave Barry Quotes) You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment (Dave Barry Quotes) Babies and other hazards of sex: how to make a tiny person in only 9 months, with tools you probably have around the home (Dave Barry Quotes) Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain (Dave Barry Quotes) It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent (Dave Barry Quotes) I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and - regardless of their political or cultural differences - accuse each other of cheating (Dave Barry Quotes) Light overcomes darkness. A tiny match can illuminate the darkest room. As long as there is some light somewhere in the universe, darkness can be defeated (Dave Barry Quotes) Today’s scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster? (Dave Barry Quotes) A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation’s state legislators (Dave Barry Quotes) A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light (Dave Barry Quotes)

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