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Dave Attell Quotes

I used to do drugs, but that was way back there Picture Quote #1

I get recognized, but I’m not really a famous famous Picture Quote #1

Being on the road is kind of lonely Picture Quote #1

I have no grand scheme Picture Quote #1

I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff Picture Quote #1

I’m not really a music guy Picture Quote #1

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I never wanted to be famous Picture Quote #1

Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family Picture Quote #1

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas Picture Quote #1

I’m not like a performer type Picture Quote #1

What’s the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin Picture Quote #1

Everyone was laughin’. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind Picture Quote #1

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Once you get offstage you’re just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight Picture Quote #1

My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn’t really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs Picture Quote #1

I’m a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes Picture Quote #1

I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they’re, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes Picture Quote #1

I don’t think I’m a star or a celebrity or any thing like that Picture Quote #1

I don’t mind a crowd’s not laughing; it’s the groans that slow down the show Picture Quote #1

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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what’s going on Picture Quote #1

Don’t get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can’t get away Picture Quote #1

Every man wonders about the size of their penis. Laying in bed alone at night, or in a hammock with a parrot. You start thinking, do I have a small penis or just gigantic balls? Picture Quote #1

Even now, as we speak, people are having sex with animals. And we wonder why the animals attack us Picture Quote #1

Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man Picture Quote #1

Let’s say you’re in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don’t know, you have too many teeth Picture Quote #1

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You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had? Picture Quote #1

Here’s a tip: never get drunk while wearing a hooded sweatshirt. You will eventually think there’s someone right behind you Picture Quote #1

You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance... the day has begun Picture Quote #1

I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears Picture Quote #1

Doesn’t matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick Picture Quote #1

Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno! Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I used to do drugs, but that was way back there (Dave Attell Quotes) I get recognized, but I’m not really a famous famous (Dave Attell Quotes) Being on the road is kind of lonely (Dave Attell Quotes) I have no grand scheme (Dave Attell Quotes) I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff (Dave Attell Quotes) I’m not really a music guy (Dave Attell Quotes) I never wanted to be famous (Dave Attell Quotes) Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family (Dave Attell Quotes) Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas (Dave Attell Quotes) I’m not like a performer type (Dave Attell Quotes) What’s the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin (Dave Attell Quotes) Everyone was laughin’. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind (Dave Attell Quotes) Once you get offstage you’re just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight (Dave Attell Quotes) My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn’t really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs (Dave Attell Quotes) I’m a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes (Dave Attell Quotes) I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they’re, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes (Dave Attell Quotes) I don’t think I’m a star or a celebrity or any thing like that (Dave Attell Quotes) I don’t mind a crowd’s not laughing; it’s the groans that slow down the show (Dave Attell Quotes) I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what’s going on (Dave Attell Quotes) Don’t get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can’t get away (Dave Attell Quotes) Every man wonders about the size of their penis. Laying in bed alone at night, or in a hammock with a parrot. You start thinking, do I have a small penis or just gigantic balls? (Dave Attell Quotes) Even now, as we speak, people are having sex with animals. And we wonder why the animals attack us (Dave Attell Quotes) Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man (Dave Attell Quotes) Let’s say you’re in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don’t know, you have too many teeth (Dave Attell Quotes) You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had? (Dave Attell Quotes) Here’s a tip: never get drunk while wearing a hooded sweatshirt. You will eventually think there’s someone right behind you (Dave Attell Quotes) You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance... the day has begun (Dave Attell Quotes) I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears (Dave Attell Quotes) Doesn’t matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick (Dave Attell Quotes) Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno! (Dave Attell Quotes)

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