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Chelsea Handler Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
You know you’re a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I look hot and, most of all, skinny. I love the day after throwing up. I felt like a feather (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I’d have no friends (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That’s why psychos are always so skinny (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
Don’t choose the better guy, choose the guy that’s gonna make you the better girl (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
First of all, who cares if people hate you? There’s always a guarantee that certain people will dislike you. There’s never any guarantee that anyone will like you. So if anyone likes you at all, you’ve already won (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
Even if times are tough and you’re enduring a terrible heartache, it’s important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
You just be honest about who you are, and if you don’t end up with any friends, then good for you (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
It’s a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I’ve been living this life for a long time, and I’m over myself (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I definitely don’t want to have kids... I don’t think I’d be a great mother. I’m a great aunt or friend of a mother... I don’t want to spend that kind of time. I don’t want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don’t have time to raise a child (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
Most republicans are against contraception because they don’t care about it. You can’t get pregnant anally anyway (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
People ask me why I’m so hard on men. It’s because they’ve gotten a really easy ride. And it’s not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50 (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
You should always speak your mind, and be bold, and be obnoxious, and do whatever you want and don’t let anybody tell you to stop it (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I don’t understand what apps are on my phone. Why do they ask for passwords? Why do they all ask for different passwords? It’s so frustrating that I end up just reading a book every time I try to go online (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I try to not overthink anything. I don’t understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have breasts we can’t show them? (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I’m a worker. I like to work and I like to provide work for other people. I like to put people on my show who normally would never have a chance at being on television (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
When I look at all the people that I have working for me and the company I’ve started and all the people that benefit from it and have a living because of it, it’s very motivating to continue to do it (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
People confuse the fact that I discuss drinking openly with the idea that I’m a heavy drinker. I don’t want girls at my show wasted, screaming and yelling out and vomiting (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I think bullying of anybody, whether they’re gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
The whole thing about my books and my life is that I create drama’s always around me (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
A lot of amazing comedians that I’ve worked with just really follow their instincts and you can’t really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I wanted to be a comedian, I wanted people to laugh at what I was saying, not to be staring at my boobs or wearing a skirt and show off my... I just didn’t think that that was the best way to get taken seriously in that world (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
Marie Antoinette was funny, I’m sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the ‘Let them eat cake’ line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type (Chelsea Handler Quotes)