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Billy Connolly Quotes

Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace Picture Quote #1

I used to be a folk singer, but I was... dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog. And being a folk singer doesn’t make you attractive to women Picture Quote #1

I’m a huge film star... but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f--ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f--ing Muppet movie Picture Quote #1

Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally, I think its bollocks!! Picture Quote #1

[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ‘til you got here Picture Quote #1

I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience. There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended Picture Quote #1

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Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose Picture Quote #1

I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone. There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue Picture Quote #1

The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead Picture Quote #1

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same God, and he’s telling them all different things Picture Quote #1

I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really Picture Quote #1

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! Picture Quote #1

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I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra... I’m never likely to go there Picture Quote #1

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey. Doesn't try it on Picture Quote #1

I don’t believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don’t want to say I don’t believe in God, but I don’t think I do. But I believe in people who do Picture Quote #1

As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me Picture Quote #1

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here? Picture Quote #1

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger Picture Quote #1

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I like Dali and Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist Picture Quote #1

Don’t die until you’re dead Picture Quote #1

Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen Picture Quote #1

Never trust people who’ve only got one book Picture Quote #1

Don’t vote, it only encourages them Picture Quote #1

If you give people a chance, they shine Picture Quote #1

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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! Picture Quote #1

I don’t aim to offend Picture Quote #1

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet Picture Quote #1

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one Picture Quote #1

Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head? Picture Quote #1

I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace (Billy Connolly Quotes) I used to be a folk singer, but I was... dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog. And being a folk singer doesn’t make you attractive to women. (Billy Connolly Quotes) I’m a huge film star... but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f--ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f--ing Muppet movie. (Billy Connolly Quotes) Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally, I think its bollocks!! (Billy Connolly Quotes) [To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ‘til you got here (Billy Connolly Quotes) I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience. There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended. (Billy Connolly Quotes) Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose. (Billy Connolly Quotes) I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone. There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue. (Billy Connolly Quotes) The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead. (Billy Connolly Quotes) It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same God, and he’s telling them all different things. (Billy Connolly Quotes) I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really. (Billy Connolly Quotes) Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! (Billy Connolly Quotes) I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra... I’m never likely to go there (Billy Connolly Quotes) Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey. Doesn't try it on (Billy Connolly Quotes) I don’t believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don’t want to say I don’t believe in God, but I don’t think I do. But I believe in people who do (Billy Connolly Quotes) As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me (Billy Connolly Quotes) When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here? (Billy Connolly Quotes) My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger (Billy Connolly Quotes) I like Dali and Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist (Billy Connolly Quotes) Don’t die until you’re dead (Billy Connolly Quotes) Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen (Billy Connolly Quotes) Never trust people who’ve only got one book (Billy Connolly Quotes) Don’t vote, it only encourages them (Billy Connolly Quotes) If you give people a chance, they shine (Billy Connolly Quotes) Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! (Billy Connolly Quotes) I don’t aim to offend (Billy Connolly Quotes) Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet (Billy Connolly Quotes) The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one (Billy Connolly Quotes) Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head? (Billy Connolly Quotes) I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea (Billy Connolly Quotes)

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