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Bill Maher Quotes

Tea Party has now cost the Republicans 5 senate seats. My next donation is going to them Picture Quote #1

Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning Picture Quote #1

If you ignore every single thing Jesus told you to do, you are just auditing. You’re not a Christian Picture Quote #1

Don’t call me when you’re stuck in traffic. It’s not my fault that radio sucks and did it ever occur to you that there wouldn’t be so much traffic if people like you put down the phone and concentrated on the road... besides I can’t talk now, I’m in the car behind you trying to watch a DVD Picture Quote #1

Just honest. To me, being ‘politically incorrect’ means the opposite of being political -- which means to spin everything. That’s all it’s ever meant to me. It’s never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest Picture Quote #1

The great thing about having been poor is how liberated it makes you if you eventually become rich. There’s nothing like the knowledge that you don’t need money to survive. That the money cushion you lie on every night doesn’t have to be three feet thick, and you can still get to sleep Picture Quote #1

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Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News Picture Quote #1

They are having a panel look into the intelligence failures in Iraq. It is a seven-person panel and it will include Senator John McCain, but the findings from this panel will not be issued until after the election. President Bush says the commission can go off and report back in a year, you know, the same way it works in the Texas National Guard Picture Quote #1

John McCain, who once called Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson ‘forces of evil’, has now come out for teaching intelligent design. That is sad, when smart people have to pretend to be so dumb to get elected Picture Quote #1

France... What can you say about a country that was too stupid to get on board with our wonderfully-conceived and brilliantly-executed war in Iraq? Picture Quote #1

This is America. We don’t call an election before we know who won. That, after all, is the job of the Supreme Court Picture Quote #1

This country hates professors. It likes Toby Keith - ‘I’m gonna put a boot in their ass.’ If you don’t do that, somehow you can’t be strong Picture Quote #1

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The President said that Gold told him to invade Iraq. You see that’s what happens when you mix New Testament and Old Milwaukee Picture Quote #1

I have two questions about Arnold Schwarzenegger. What does he know, and when will he know it? Picture Quote #1

Eunice Kennedy Shriver, President Kennedy’s sister, endorsed Arnold Schwarzenegger, said he’s not a womanizer. Of course by Kennedy standards that means he never drove one off a bridge Picture Quote #1

Arnold Schwarzenegger has come out against gay marriage. He said marriage is a sacred union between a groupie and any number of body builders Picture Quote #1

Arnold was on the ‘Today’ show today, he was a little light on specifics. He said he could solve California’s $38 billion budget deficit, without cutting spending or raising taxes because there was a third way. What is it? Let’s just say it involves a robot going back in time to convince Gray Davis to go into dentistry Picture Quote #1

It was quite a sight to see Obama next to President Hu. Obama has a Nobel Peace Prize in his basement, and Hu has a Nobel Peace Prize winner in his Picture Quote #1

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Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it’s the name of one of Obama’s kids Picture Quote #1

Next week John Boehner will be sitting behind Barack Obama at the State of the Union address. I think Obama should purposely try to embarrass him by telling the story of ‘Old Yeller.’ The state of our Union is strong, but not so good for one special dog.’ Picture Quote #1

The politicians are no prizes, but the people are even worse, they’re so ill-informed. I never understand the pushback when I say people are stupid Picture Quote #1

Americans are used to being pandered to and spoon-fed everything. In a culture that needs caffeine-free cherry chocolate diet Coke, you’d best deliver information with entertainment Picture Quote #1

They say that Japan’s rigorous building codes and regulations saved thousands of lives over there. Or, as Republicans here saw it, it ‘fostered a socialist, anti-business environment that’s worse than being dead.’ Picture Quote #1

Sarah Palin has strong opinions on the Libyans. She said, ‘Marriage is between a man and a woman and Libyans like Rachel Maddow are what’s ruining this country.’ Picture Quote #1

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Attorney General John Ashcroft is in intensive care. He’s suffering from a severe case of pancreatitis, which they can’t really figure out because he’s not really a drinker. They think he might have picked up some type of infection while wiping his ass with the Bill of Rights Picture Quote #1

I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church Picture Quote #1

I kid Fox News, but they may be a little biased. We had an earthquake here on Monday, and they reported that ‘the earth’s crust was emboldened by Obama’s weakness.’ Picture Quote #1

I love trains. It’s the only way to travel anymore where it doesn’t involve a TSA agent slowly tracing the curve of my inner thigh Picture Quote #1

Also, in the category of ‘obvious but still shocking,’ an animal called a ‘killer whale’ killed someone who was trying to play with it. Now, no one knows exactly what enraged the whale, but earlier in the week, it had been thrown off a flight by Southwest Airlines Picture Quote #1

Mitt Romney was attacking Obama about our failing education system. He has a point. We are graduating millions of people in this country who are so lacking in basic analytical skills, they are considering voting for Mitt Romney Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Tea Party has now cost the Republicans 5 senate seats. My next donation is going to them (Bill Maher Quotes) Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning (Bill Maher Quotes) If you ignore every single thing Jesus told you to do, you are just auditing. You’re not a Christian (Bill Maher Quotes) Don’t call me when you’re stuck in traffic. It’s not my fault that radio sucks and did it ever occur to you that there wouldn’t be so much traffic if people like you put down the phone and concentrated on the road... besides I can’t talk now, I’m in the car behind you trying to watch a DVD (Bill Maher Quotes) Just honest. To me, being ‘politically incorrect’ means the opposite of being political -- which means to spin everything. That’s all it’s ever meant to me. It’s never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest (Bill Maher Quotes) The great thing about having been poor is how liberated it makes you if you eventually become rich. There’s nothing like the knowledge that you don’t need money to survive. That the money cushion you lie on every night doesn’t have to be three feet thick, and you can still get to sleep (Bill Maher Quotes) Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News (Bill Maher Quotes) They are having a panel look into the intelligence failures in Iraq. It is a seven-person panel and it will include Senator John McCain, but the findings from this panel will not be issued until after the election. President Bush says the commission can go off and report back in a year, you know, the same way it works in the Texas National Guard (Bill Maher Quotes) John McCain, who once called Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson ‘forces of evil’, has now come out for teaching intelligent design. That is sad, when smart people have to pretend to be so dumb to get elected (Bill Maher Quotes) France... What can you say about a country that was too stupid to get on board with our wonderfully-conceived and brilliantly-executed war in Iraq? (Bill Maher Quotes) This is America. We don’t call an election before we know who won. That, after all, is the job of the Supreme Court (Bill Maher Quotes) This country hates professors. It likes Toby Keith - ‘I’m gonna put a boot in their ass.’ If you don’t do that, somehow you can’t be strong (Bill Maher Quotes) The President said that Gold told him to invade Iraq. You see that’s what happens when you mix New Testament and Old Milwaukee (Bill Maher Quotes) I have two questions about Arnold Schwarzenegger. What does he know, and when will he know it? (Bill Maher Quotes) Eunice Kennedy Shriver, President Kennedy’s sister, endorsed Arnold Schwarzenegger, said he’s not a womanizer. Of course by Kennedy standards that means he never drove one off a bridge (Bill Maher Quotes) Arnold Schwarzenegger has come out against gay marriage. He said marriage is a sacred union between a groupie and any number of body builders (Bill Maher Quotes) Arnold was on the ‘Today’ show today, he was a little light on specifics. He said he could solve California’s $38 billion budget deficit, without cutting spending or raising taxes because there was a third way. What is it? Let’s just say it involves a robot going back in time to convince Gray Davis to go into dentistry (Bill Maher Quotes) It was quite a sight to see Obama next to President Hu. Obama has a Nobel Peace Prize in his basement, and Hu has a Nobel Peace Prize winner in his (Bill Maher Quotes) Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it’s the name of one of Obama’s kids (Bill Maher Quotes) Next week John Boehner will be sitting behind Barack Obama at the State of the Union address. I think Obama should purposely try to embarrass him by telling the story of ‘Old Yeller.’ The state of our Union is strong, but not so good for one special dog.’ (Bill Maher Quotes) The politicians are no prizes, but the people are even worse, they’re so ill-informed. I never understand the pushback when I say people are stupid (Bill Maher Quotes) Americans are used to being pandered to and spoon-fed everything. In a culture that needs caffeine-free cherry chocolate diet Coke, you’d best deliver information with entertainment (Bill Maher Quotes) They say that Japan’s rigorous building codes and regulations saved thousands of lives over there. Or, as Republicans here saw it, it ‘fostered a socialist, anti-business environment that’s worse than being dead.’ (Bill Maher Quotes) Sarah Palin has strong opinions on the Libyans. She said, ‘Marriage is between a man and a woman and Libyans like Rachel Maddow are what’s ruining this country.’ (Bill Maher Quotes) Attorney General John Ashcroft is in intensive care. He’s suffering from a severe case of pancreatitis, which they can’t really figure out because he’s not really a drinker. They think he might have picked up some type of infection while wiping his ass with the Bill of Rights (Bill Maher Quotes) I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church (Bill Maher Quotes) I kid Fox News, but they may be a little biased. We had an earthquake here on Monday, and they reported that ‘the earth’s crust was emboldened by Obama’s weakness.’ (Bill Maher Quotes) I love trains. It’s the only way to travel anymore where it doesn’t involve a TSA agent slowly tracing the curve of my inner thigh (Bill Maher Quotes) Also, in the category of ‘obvious but still shocking,’ an animal called a ‘killer whale’ killed someone who was trying to play with it. Now, no one knows exactly what enraged the whale, but earlier in the week, it had been thrown off a flight by Southwest Airlines (Bill Maher Quotes) Mitt Romney was attacking Obama about our failing education system. He has a point. We are graduating millions of people in this country who are so lacking in basic analytical skills, they are considering voting for Mitt Romney (Bill Maher Quotes)

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