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Lewis Black Quotes

Americans continue to rapidly homogenize ourselves into a neutered oblivion. For a country founded on the protection of the unique, we relish our sameness Picture Quote #1

Apparently there is no profit in the unique, or not enough to make it worthwhile to preserve. Ultimately it drains the life out of us, and existentialism starts to make more and more sense Picture Quote #1

Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain? Picture Quote #1

That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone Picture Quote #1

Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker Picture Quote #1

And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye Picture Quote #1

In four days, I experienced five seasons. It was thirty, it was sixty, it was ninety, then it was TWELVE! and on the last day, there was thunder, lightning, and snow - together! and I hadn't done drugs Picture Quote #1

A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. and they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? 'Let's send the monkey to Mars, dad!' Picture Quote #1

If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer Picture Quote #1

If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat Picture Quote #1

Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes. Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person. Well, you look like a person. No it's all done with mirrors, trust me! Picture Quote #1

Now, most of the time you couldn't be too sure of the quality of the drug. Although, in my experience the stuff was always of a very high quality, because back then we didn't have business majors peddling lower-quality stuff in an effort to increase profits Picture Quote #1

But what about the children, lewis? I can hear some of you asking. What about the children? It's more disturbing to hear adults talking about having seen a tit as shocking and disturbing and indecent than it is for children to see one Picture Quote #1

I was home alone watching George Bush speak on television. So it was just really the two of us. and as I listened to him, I realized, that one of us... Was nuts! and for the first time ever, I went, wow, it's not me! Picture Quote #1

And then there are fossils. Whenever anybody tries to tell me that they believe it took place in seven days, I reach for a fossil and go fossil! And if they keep talking I throw it just over their head Picture Quote #1

If you ask your congressman why, he'll say because it's hard. It's really hard. Makes me want to go poopie. You know why we don't have solar energy? It's because the sun goes away each day, and it doesn't tell us where it's going! Picture Quote #1

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense Picture Quote #1

Sometimes I wonder does God just not care are is he to busy ignoring your prayers Picture Quote #1

I don't know if watching Chaz Bono will turn your kids into transsexuals, but I'm pretty sure that letting them watch Keith Ablow will turn them into assholes Picture Quote #1

Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone Picture Quote #1

The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling

What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows, a Republican sucks Picture Quote #1

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.' Picture Quote #1

Since there are so many idiots out there, you may actually start to think you're crazy. You are not. They are idiots Picture Quote #1

Now, they say that New Zealand is beautiful and I do not know - because after 22 hours on a plane any landmass would be beautiful Picture Quote #1

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed- THAT is leadership! Picture Quote #1

I believe that summer is our time, a time for the people, and that no politician should be allowed to speak to us during the summer. They can start talking again after Labor Day Picture Quote #1

I don't understand how anybody's still a Democrat or a Republican. I don't know what they're basing it on Picture Quote #1

Let me be serious: divorce is a sacred institution between a man and a woman who hate each other. God wanted Adam to pay alimony to Eve, not Steve Picture Quote #1

Basically, I started on stage yelling and I kept yelling, and then I yelled some more, and then I yelled even louder. I'm modulated now Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

Text Quotes

Americans continue to rapidly homogenize ourselves into a neutered oblivion. For a country founded on the protection of the unique, we relish our sameness (Lewis Black Quotes) Apparently there is no profit in the unique, or not enough to make it worthwhile to preserve. Ultimately it drains the life out of us, and existentialism starts to make more and more sense (Lewis Black Quotes) Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain? (Lewis Black Quotes) That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone (Lewis Black Quotes) Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker (Lewis Black Quotes) And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye (Lewis Black Quotes) In four days, I experienced five seasons. It was thirty, it was sixty, it was ninety, then it was TWELVE! and on the last day, there was thunder, lightning, and snow - together! and I hadn't done drugs (Lewis Black Quotes) A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. and they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? 'Let's send the monkey to Mars, dad!' (Lewis Black Quotes) If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer (Lewis Black Quotes) If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat (Lewis Black Quotes) Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes. Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person. Well, you look like a person. No it's all done with mirrors, trust me! (Lewis Black Quotes) Now, most of the time you couldn't be too sure of the quality of the drug. Although, in my experience the stuff was always of a very high quality, because back then we didn't have business majors peddling lower-quality stuff in an effort to increase profits (Lewis Black Quotes) But what about the children, lewis? I can hear some of you asking. What about the children? It's more disturbing to hear adults talking about having seen a tit as shocking and disturbing and indecent than it is for children to see one (Lewis Black Quotes) I was home alone watching George Bush speak on television. So it was just really the two of us. and as I listened to him, I realized, that one of us... Was nuts! and for the first time ever, I went, wow, it's not me! (Lewis Black Quotes) And then there are fossils. Whenever anybody tries to tell me that they believe it took place in seven days, I reach for a fossil and go fossil! And if they keep talking I throw it just over their head (Lewis Black Quotes) If you ask your congressman why, he'll say because it's hard. It's really hard. Makes me want to go poopie. You know why we don't have solar energy? It's because the sun goes away each day, and it doesn't tell us where it's going! (Lewis Black Quotes) What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense (Lewis Black Quotes) Sometimes I wonder does God just not care are is he to busy ignoring your prayers (Lewis Black Quotes) I don't know if watching Chaz Bono will turn your kids into transsexuals, but I'm pretty sure that letting them watch Keith Ablow will turn them into assholes (Lewis Black Quotes) Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone (Lewis Black Quotes) The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling "The British are coming! The British are coming!" (Lewis Black Quotes) What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows, a Republican sucks (Lewis Black Quotes) Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.' (Lewis Black Quotes) Since there are so many idiots out there, you may actually start to think you're crazy. You are not. They are idiots (Lewis Black Quotes) Now, they say that New Zealand is beautiful and I do not know - because after 22 hours on a plane any landmass would be beautiful (Lewis Black Quotes) If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed- THAT is leadership! (Lewis Black Quotes) I believe that summer is our time, a time for the people, and that no politician should be allowed to speak to us during the summer. They can start talking again after Labor Day (Lewis Black Quotes) I don't understand how anybody's still a Democrat or a Republican. I don't know what they're basing it on (Lewis Black Quotes) Let me be serious: divorce is a sacred institution between a man and a woman who hate each other. God wanted Adam to pay alimony to Eve, not Steve (Lewis Black Quotes) Basically, I started on stage yelling and I kept yelling, and then I yelled some more, and then I yelled even louder. I'm modulated now (Lewis Black Quotes)

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