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Lewis Black Quotes

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Text Quotes
There is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bllodeshot eye  (Lewis Black Quotes) If there is hell, it was modeled after junior high school  (Lewis Black Quotes) I’m a happy person but an angry citizen  (Lewis Black Quotes) Everybody’s family has different values  (Lewis Black Quotes) People would be a lot better off if they’d enjoy being single  (Lewis Black Quotes) I’m not a big birthday guy; I never have been  (Lewis Black Quotes) Self-love is a big part of golf  (Lewis Black Quotes) He smiles so much, I don’t think he has a central nervous system  (Lewis Black Quotes) It’s a shame cars don’t run on cognitive dissonance  (Lewis Black Quotes) Everybody’s got cable  (Lewis Black Quotes) I’m constantly in fear of having a stroke  (Lewis Black Quotes) I never write anything down. I write onstage  (Lewis Black Quotes) The tortoise moves very slowly, it moves towards whatever the goal is, to keep a democratic capitalistic society functioning  (Lewis Black Quotes) Earth Day was created because we were doing a lot of drugs, more drugs than you could ever f@*! imagine. And so we came up with Earth Day, so we’d have one day that would remind us what planet we were living on  (Lewis Black Quotes) Glenn Beck is offended! Glenn Beck thinks playing the Nazi card is going too far. Glenn Beck. this is a guy who uses more Swastika props and video of the Nuremberg rallies than the History Channel  (Lewis Black Quotes) It’s ‘Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, except there’s just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is Hitler. Can I play? Let’s see. Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler!  (Lewis Black Quotes) One of the most important things, especially when you’re leaving school, is to realize you’re going to be dealing with a lot of idiots. And a lot of those idiots are in charge of things, so if you’re in an interview and you really want to tell the person off, don’t do it  (Lewis Black Quotes) Anybody who likes writing a book is an idiot. Because it’s impossible; it’s like having a homework assignment every stinking day until it’s done. And by the time you get it in, it’s done and you’re sitting there reading it, and you realize the 12,000 things you didn’t do. I mean, writing isn’t fun. It’s never been fun  (Lewis Black Quotes) Basically I wake up in the morning and I think everything’s going to be great. I’m really kind of optimistic, and I look forward to a new day. I pick up ‘The New York Times,’ and I look at the front page and realize that once again I’m wrong. I start to fixate on stuff  (Lewis Black Quotes) Everybody’s always asking me about my blood pressure. They did an interview once where they hooked me up to a blood pressure machine and they’d rile me. I’d yell and scream, and then it would just go back to normal in a few minutes. Everything else is probably rotting, but the blood pressure is spectacular  (Lewis Black Quotes) I’ve been very lucky. There are guys I know who are really terrific in this business of stand-up who have not gotten the recognition they deserve. And it’s nice, if you’ve put in the time, to achieve that recognition  (Lewis Black Quotes) I’ve got stress like anybody else, and it builds up during the day. Like, I’ll be trying to do something on the computer, and I’ll get stuck, so I go to the help section. And it just enrages me, because why even call it a help section at all? There’s nothing in any way ‘helpful’ about it  (Lewis Black Quotes) Saying that the Palestinian people aren’t really a people - that’s not a zany thing to say. That’s a psychotic thing to say in the midst of all of the politics we live through on a daily basis  (Lewis Black Quotes) The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. It’s unbelievable to me. Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that’s never been advertised. And there’s a reason. All of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. And so, since nobody eats that stuff, every year there’s a ton of it left over  (Lewis Black Quotes) What you don’t do, if you’re an adult, is decide that you’re going to budget things through a sequester. What does that word have to do with budgeting? It’s like if you have a family budget and go, ‘We really don’t know what to take out economically from the budget, so we’re going to whack out protein for this week.’  (Lewis Black Quotes) When you’re fund-raising for schools, then something’s wrong. We seem to have lost some sort of sense of what the common good is, and if you don’t have a sense of what the common good is, then at least give to what you think your specific goods are  (Lewis Black Quotes) You look at my audience, and it proves what Congress thinks America is, is wrong. I get people across the political spectrum. Parents and kids come and they’re all punked out, and there are these other guys in John Deere caps  (Lewis Black Quotes) How long can we go without real leadership? It’s like an experiment. It’s [a problem with ] both parties, it’s beyond belief  (Lewis Black Quotes) I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing. No health insurance, so if something happened I was screwed. I was lucky my parents had money and my brother was willing to support me for a long time. Once I started doing standup, I had an income, and that was amazing to me  (Lewis Black Quotes) I love anything that gets me outside of my own head. I love music because it’s really just - I tried to play piano as a kid. I was awful. It didn’t help, and this is absolutely true, that my piano teacher had arthritis. And that’s not a good way to learn  (Lewis Black Quotes)
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