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Emo Philips Quotes

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand Picture Quote #1

People come up to me... concerned... that I’ll reproduce Picture Quote #1

Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy Picture Quote #1

I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods Picture Quote #1

England is better only because I stand out there as ‘unusual’ Picture Quote #1

I’m a great lover, I’ll bet Picture Quote #1

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I’m not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint Picture Quote #1

You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that’s life’s greatest consolation prize Picture Quote #1

One man’s pet-stained carpet is another man’s Twister game Picture Quote #1

I’m filthy stinking rich - well, two out of three ain’t bad Picture Quote #1

I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy Picture Quote #1

My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother’s hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it Picture Quote #1

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People come up to me... concerned... that I’ll reproduce Picture Quote #1

I read that nine out of 10 women fantasize about having an unknown man leap through their bedroom window at night and make mad, passionate love to them. Who would think with those odds, I would now be facing 150 hours of community service Picture Quote #1

When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal... You have to let me in now Picture Quote #1

I’m from Downer’s Grove, Illinois. We had a blackout there the other day, but fortunately the police made him get back into his car before he got too far Picture Quote #1

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter Picture Quote #1

I learned about sex the hard way... from books Picture Quote #1

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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend Picture Quote #1

I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them Picture Quote #1

I ran three miles today... Finally I said, lady, take your purse Picture Quote #1

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me Picture Quote #1

Women: You can’t live with them, and you can’t get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something Picture Quote #1

You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life Picture Quote #1

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Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist Picture Quote #1

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: ‘A truck! Picture Quote #1

I asked my girlfriend, ‘Will you marry me?’ She said, ‘We’ll have to ask my father.’ So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, ‘Hello!’ Picture Quote #1

I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, ‘Get off me, you two!’ Picture Quote #1

I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, ‘Here, lady... Take your purse Picture Quote #1

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics’ heads, where they are safe Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand (Emo Philips Quotes) People come up to me... concerned... that I’ll reproduce (Emo Philips Quotes) Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy (Emo Philips Quotes) I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods (Emo Philips Quotes) England is better only because I stand out there as ‘unusual’ (Emo Philips Quotes) I’m a great lover, I’ll bet (Emo Philips Quotes) I’m not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint (Emo Philips Quotes) You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that’s life’s greatest consolation prize (Emo Philips Quotes) One man’s pet-stained carpet is another man’s Twister game (Emo Philips Quotes) I’m filthy stinking rich - well, two out of three ain’t bad (Emo Philips Quotes) I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy. (Emo Philips Quotes) My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother’s hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it. (Emo Philips Quotes) People come up to me... concerned... that I’ll reproduce. (Emo Philips Quotes) I read that nine out of 10 women fantasize about having an unknown man leap through their bedroom window at night and make mad, passionate love to them. Who would think with those odds, I would now be facing 150 hours of community service. (Emo Philips Quotes) When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal... You have to let me in now. (Emo Philips Quotes) I’m from Downer’s Grove, Illinois. We had a blackout there the other day, but fortunately the police made him get back into his car before he got too far. (Emo Philips Quotes) When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter (Emo Philips Quotes) I learned about sex the hard way... from books. (Emo Philips Quotes) I was the kid next door's imaginary friend (Emo Philips Quotes) I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them (Emo Philips Quotes) I ran three miles today... Finally I said, lady, take your purse (Emo Philips Quotes) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me (Emo Philips Quotes) Women: You can’t live with them, and you can’t get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something (Emo Philips Quotes) You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life (Emo Philips Quotes) Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist (Emo Philips Quotes) Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: ‘A truck! (Emo Philips Quotes) I asked my girlfriend, ‘Will you marry me?’ She said, ‘We’ll have to ask my father.’ So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, ‘Hello!’ (Emo Philips Quotes) I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, ‘Get off me, you two!’ (Emo Philips Quotes) I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, ‘Here, lady... Take your purse (Emo Philips Quotes) My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics’ heads, where they are safe (Emo Philips Quotes)

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