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Christopher Moore Quotes

If they’d been dogs, they would have all been in the yard eating grass and trying to yak up whatever was making them feel so lousy. Not a bone gnawed, not a ball chased-all tails went unwagged. Oh, life is a fast cat, a short leash, a flea in that place where you just can’t scratch Picture Quote #1

[in reference to turkey bowling] He [Tommy] squinted and picked his target, then took his steps and sent the bird sliding down the aisle. A collective gasp rose from the crew as the fourteen-pound, self-basting, fresh-frozen projectile of wholesome savory goodness plowed into the soap bottles like a freight train into a chorus line of drunken grandmothers Picture Quote #1

You were supposed to empathize with your friend’s problem, but they were, after all, your friend’s problems Picture Quote #1

Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life is messy Picture Quote #1

... but to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, ‘What if Jesus had known kung fu? Picture Quote #1

Confucius is like the Torah, rules to follow. And Lao-Tzu is even more conservative, saying that if you do nothing you won’t break any rules. You have to let tradition fall sometime, you have to take action, you have to eat bacon Picture Quote #1

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It’s Christmas! Ah, Christmas, the time when all good people go about not decapitating each other Picture Quote #1

San Francisco is a breathtakingly beautiful city, with lots of great contrasts between dark and light, often overlapping each other. It’s a great setting for a horror story Picture Quote #1

The fact that ‘A Dirty Job’ has comedy and supernatural horror in it, that both are woven in and out of it with a whimsical tone, despite the fact that it’s about death, makes it hard to characterize with standard genre labels - but I have no problem with that. I’d call it a funny story about death, and leave it at that Picture Quote #1

I wanted a trumpet concerto that reflected Native American music because, well, there aren’t any. I looked around for one but couldn’t find anything. So it’s a wide-open field Picture Quote #1

Regardless of its purpose, the humpback-whale song is the most complex piece of nonhuman composition on earth. Whether it’s art, prayer, or booty call, the humpback song is an amazing thing to experience firsthand, and I suspect that even once the science of it is put to bed, it will remain, as long as they sing, magic Picture Quote #1

I think beta males on an evolutionary basis are much more successful than the alpha males are. You don’t hear much about us, but there’s a lot more of us out there Picture Quote #1

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You know, a vampire book is not a book to be the vehicle for big themes and stuff, where sometimes when you’re dealing with art or the life of Christ or the oeuvre of Shakespeare, you know, it’s a little more ambitious Picture Quote #1

I was baptized Methodist, but I was mainly raised First Church of NFL, which is to say that my family, especially my father, was much more concerned with watching football on Sundays than attending services Picture Quote #1

That’s the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm Picture Quote #1

I’m thinking of being a professional mourner. How hard can it be? Tear at your hair, sing a dirge or two, take the rest of the week off Picture Quote #1

One thing that’s really delightful is my books tend to attract people who are funny, so I get the benefit of people writing me with things that crack me up Picture Quote #1

People always stay the age that they died at. My big brother died of leukemia when I was six. He was eight. Now when I think of him, he’s always eight, and he’s still my big brother. He never changes, and the part of me that remembers him never changes Picture Quote #1

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When you’re telling stories, you are actually trying to illuminate some portion of the truth in an artful way. The story may immediately seem to be a lie, but it’s like an impressionistic painting - you see the light and the color better than you would with a photo-realistic piece Picture Quote #1

The three jewels of Tao: compassion, moderation, and humility. Balthasar said compassion leads to courage, moderation leads to generosity, and humility leads to leadership Picture Quote #1

I love British cursing - the cadence of it, the joy in the sound of the words, and the vulgarity of it Picture Quote #1

So I am death Charlie said then turned to his daughter while buttering his toast.This is death toast sweety Picture Quote #1

I kind of dislike ‘For Whom the Bell Tolls,’ but most of Hemingway in general, mainly because his stylistic shenanigans ruined so many young writers of my generation who tried to imitate him. I think, for his time, he moved fiction to a different level stylistically, or at least added to the dialogue, but in our time, he’s annoying Picture Quote #1

It’s very difficult to stay angry when a room full of bald guys in orange robes start giggling. Buddhism Picture Quote #1

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Andrew Lloyd Webber’s version of the Kool-Aid jingle is at once chilling and evocative. Donny Osmond is brilliant as James Jones Picture Quote #1

I’ve made a dog’s breakfast of English history, geography, ‘King Lear,’ and the English language in general Picture Quote #1

All of the trickster, rascal characters that I write have the voice I aspire to. In real life, you can’t be that obnoxious and get away with it Picture Quote #1

Marry for love, stay married, and raise happy children who are quick to laugh and slow to judge Picture Quote #1

The sofa was lumpy enough to have had a body sewed into it; stuffing spilled out of the arms where the victim had tried to escape Picture Quote #1

Children see magic because they look for it Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

If they’d been dogs, they would have all been in the yard eating grass and trying to yak up whatever was making them feel so lousy. Not a bone gnawed, not a ball chased-all tails went unwagged. Oh, life is a fast cat, a short leash, a flea in that place where you just can’t scratch (Christopher Moore Quotes) [in reference to turkey bowling] He [Tommy] squinted and picked his target, then took his steps and sent the bird sliding down the aisle. A collective gasp rose from the crew as the fourteen-pound, self-basting, fresh-frozen projectile of wholesome savory goodness plowed into the soap bottles like a freight train into a chorus line of drunken grandmothers (Christopher Moore Quotes) You were supposed to empathize with your friend’s problem, but they were, after all, your friend’s problems (Christopher Moore Quotes) Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life is messy (Christopher Moore Quotes) ... but to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, ‘What if Jesus had known kung fu? (Christopher Moore Quotes) Confucius is like the Torah, rules to follow. And Lao-Tzu is even more conservative, saying that if you do nothing you won’t break any rules. You have to let tradition fall sometime, you have to take action, you have to eat bacon (Christopher Moore Quotes) It’s Christmas! Ah, Christmas, the time when all good people go about not decapitating each other (Christopher Moore Quotes) San Francisco is a breathtakingly beautiful city, with lots of great contrasts between dark and light, often overlapping each other. It’s a great setting for a horror story (Christopher Moore Quotes) The fact that ‘A Dirty Job’ has comedy and supernatural horror in it, that both are woven in and out of it with a whimsical tone, despite the fact that it’s about death, makes it hard to characterize with standard genre labels - but I have no problem with that. I’d call it a funny story about death, and leave it at that (Christopher Moore Quotes) I wanted a trumpet concerto that reflected Native American music because, well, there aren’t any. I looked around for one but couldn’t find anything. So it’s a wide-open field (Christopher Moore Quotes) Regardless of its purpose, the humpback-whale song is the most complex piece of nonhuman composition on earth. Whether it’s art, prayer, or booty call, the humpback song is an amazing thing to experience firsthand, and I suspect that even once the science of it is put to bed, it will remain, as long as they sing, magic (Christopher Moore Quotes) I think beta males on an evolutionary basis are much more successful than the alpha males are. You don’t hear much about us, but there’s a lot more of us out there. (Christopher Moore Quotes) You know, a vampire book is not a book to be the vehicle for big themes and stuff, where sometimes when you’re dealing with art or the life of Christ or the oeuvre of Shakespeare, you know, it’s a little more ambitious. (Christopher Moore Quotes) I was baptized Methodist, but I was mainly raised First Church of NFL, which is to say that my family, especially my father, was much more concerned with watching football on Sundays than attending services. (Christopher Moore Quotes) That’s the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm. (Christopher Moore Quotes) I’m thinking of being a professional mourner. How hard can it be? Tear at your hair, sing a dirge or two, take the rest of the week off. (Christopher Moore Quotes) One thing that’s really delightful is my books tend to attract people who are funny, so I get the benefit of people writing me with things that crack me up. (Christopher Moore Quotes) People always stay the age that they died at. My big brother died of leukemia when I was six. He was eight. Now when I think of him, he’s always eight, and he’s still my big brother. He never changes, and the part of me that remembers him never changes. (Christopher Moore Quotes) When you’re telling stories, you are actually trying to illuminate some portion of the truth in an artful way. The story may immediately seem to be a lie, but it’s like an impressionistic painting - you see the light and the color better than you would with a photo-realistic piece. (Christopher Moore Quotes) The three jewels of Tao: compassion, moderation, and humility. Balthasar said compassion leads to courage, moderation leads to generosity, and humility leads to leadership. (Christopher Moore Quotes) I love British cursing - the cadence of it, the joy in the sound of the words, and the vulgarity of it. (Christopher Moore Quotes) So I am death Charlie said then turned to his daughter while buttering his toast.This is death toast sweety. (Christopher Moore Quotes) I kind of dislike ‘For Whom the Bell Tolls,’ but most of Hemingway in general, mainly because his stylistic shenanigans ruined so many young writers of my generation who tried to imitate him. I think, for his time, he moved fiction to a different level stylistically, or at least added to the dialogue, but in our time, he’s annoying. (Christopher Moore Quotes) It’s very difficult to stay angry when a room full of bald guys in orange robes start giggling. Buddhism. (Christopher Moore Quotes) Andrew Lloyd Webber’s version of the Kool-Aid jingle is at once chilling and evocative. Donny Osmond is brilliant as James Jones. (Christopher Moore Quotes) I’ve made a dog’s breakfast of English history, geography, ‘King Lear,’ and the English language in general. (Christopher Moore Quotes) All of the trickster, rascal characters that I write have the voice I aspire to. In real life, you can’t be that obnoxious and get away with it. (Christopher Moore Quotes) Marry for love, stay married, and raise happy children who are quick to laugh and slow to judge (Christopher Moore Quotes) The sofa was lumpy enough to have had a body sewed into it; stuffing spilled out of the arms where the victim had tried to escape. (Christopher Moore Quotes) Children see magic because they look for it (Christopher Moore Quotes)

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