The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character

Peter De Vries, a renowned American novelist and editor, once famously said, “The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.” This statement encapsulates the complex nature of relationships and the challenges that come with navigating the differences between initial attraction and long-term compatibility.

When we first meet someone and fall in love, we are often drawn to their personality – their charm, sense of humor, intelligence, and other attractive qualities that make them stand out. However, as we spend more time with them and get to know them on a deeper level, we begin to see their true character – their values, beliefs, habits, and flaws. It is in this transition from infatuation to understanding that the real work of a relationship begins.

Marriage, in particular, requires a deep level of commitment and understanding between two individuals. It is not just about being in love with someone’s personality, but about accepting and embracing their character – the good, the bad, and the ugly. This means being able to navigate disagreements, conflicts, and challenges with grace and empathy, and being willing to work through differences in a constructive and respectful manner.

Peter De Vries’ quote highlights the importance of looking beyond surface-level attraction and delving into the core of a person’s character. It reminds us that love is not just about the highs of romance and passion, but also about the everyday realities of living with another person – their quirks, their insecurities, their strengths, and their weaknesses.