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Jimmy Fallon Quotes

Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration thing Picture Quote #1

A new study found that a mother’s diet affects her baby’s allergies. Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats Picture Quote #1

New Scientist magazine reported that in the future, cars could be powered by hazelnuts. That’s encouraging, considering an eight-ounce jar of hazelnuts costs about nine dollars. Yeah, I’ve got an idea for a car that runs on bald eagle heads and Faberge eggs Picture Quote #1

Barnes and Noble CEO William Lynch just announced that he is stepping down after three years. When asked if he’s looking for a new job, he was like, ‘Nah, just browsing.’ Picture Quote #1

I wanted to be a Priest at one point. I was pretty religious. I was an altar boy, and I was good at it. Then, I started meeting girls and I’m like ‘You know, maybe I shouldn’t be a Priest.’ Picture Quote #1

Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business Picture Quote #1

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There’s always going to be someone out there... who doesn’t believe in you or who thinks your head is too big or you’re not smart enough. But those are the people you need to ignore, and those are the times you need to just keep doing what you love doing Picture Quote #1

Republican candidate Ben Carson told reporters he thinks American prisons might be too comfortable. As opposed to Mexican prisons that have personal showers with $5 million escape tunnels Picture Quote #1

Donald Trump said he still wants to look more closely at Obama’s birth certificate to make sure that it’s real. Incidentally, President Obama said the same exact thing about Donald Trump’s hair Picture Quote #1

Vladimir Putin celebrated his 63rd birthday today. He had a nice party, but it got awkward when two of his friends got him the same country Picture Quote #1

This week, Georgia’s board of education approved a plan that allows teachers to keep using the word Evolution when teaching biology. Though, as a compromise, dinosaurs are now called Jesus Horses Picture Quote #1

Thinking about all that - what it means to be happy - I think it overloaded your brain Picture Quote #1

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A new study found that most people can’t go 10 minutes without lying. But since the study took 20 minutes nobody knows what to believe Picture Quote #1

I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie Picture Quote #1

I just really don’t like being the center of attention that much. It’s kind of ironic Picture Quote #1

Democrats have been doing everything they can to get young people and college students to vote in the midterms. Though if you want students to participate in something, maybe you shouldn’t call them midterms Picture Quote #1

You’ve never had a job that you thought was secure. You don’t think the Tonight Show is risk free. Especially when you saw what happened with your buddy Conan O’Brien. There is always a Plan B.I am ready to apply to the post office Picture Quote #1

My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream Picture Quote #1

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The key to happiness. Hm.... There are just so many factors. I think it’s just a way of being. It’s about.... every little thing in moderation. Whether it be stress, anger, joy, depression Picture Quote #1

The federal government is starting to plan for climate change by making extended forecasts that can help people plan for extreme weather - because what can go wrong when you combine the efficiency of government with the accuracy of weathermen? Picture Quote #1

My wife and I got engaged in New Hampshire at this lake house that her family’s had forever, and it’s on Lake Winnipesaukee. And so we went there every summer as we were dating Picture Quote #1

You run on the treadmill. But you need to stop watching The Food Network when you’re doing it. That is how you torture yourself Picture Quote #1

As gas prices continue to drop, 28 states are now selling regular gasoline for less than $2 a gallon. It’s getting cheaper to pump two gallons of gas outside the station than it is to pump two squirts of nacho cheese inside Picture Quote #1

At a recent education summit, President Obama admitted that he can’t rap. When they heard, Americans said, ‘Good!’ Picture Quote #1

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Wearing shorts is a huge perk. I think it’s probably one of the reasons people become mailmen. You also get to drive in that vehicle that should be illegal in the United States, where the steering wheel is on the other side. They have no rules! They are the punk rock of government jobs Picture Quote #1

We have a really, really great dog. It doesn’t bark. My dog almost smiles, which is weird. He’s just a very happy dog Picture Quote #1

Sources say the Obama administration is in the ‘final stages’ of planning the closing of Guantanamo Bay. The way it’s gonna work is, they’re going to put a Radio Shack sign out front and let nature take its course Picture Quote #1

As you can imagine, with Hillary Clinton being here, security is very tight. The Secret Service has been here all day sweeping the halls, the offices, the hard drives... It’s tight Picture Quote #1

Anything I learned was just work hard, just keep working and don’t worry about the outside stuff. Whatever happens will happen Picture Quote #1

Apparently President Obama’s favorite cocktail is a martini. When asked how he likes it, he said, ‘On the beach, in Hawaii, in 2017.’ Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration thing. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) A new study found that a mother’s diet affects her baby’s allergies. Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) New Scientist magazine reported that in the future, cars could be powered by hazelnuts. That’s encouraging, considering an eight-ounce jar of hazelnuts costs about nine dollars. Yeah, I’ve got an idea for a car that runs on bald eagle heads and Faberge eggs. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Barnes and Noble CEO William Lynch just announced that he is stepping down after three years. When asked if he’s looking for a new job, he was like, ‘Nah, just browsing.’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) I wanted to be a Priest at one point. I was pretty religious. I was an altar boy, and I was good at it. Then, I started meeting girls and I’m like ‘You know, maybe I shouldn’t be a Priest.’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) There’s always going to be someone out there... who doesn’t believe in you or who thinks your head is too big or you’re not smart enough. But those are the people you need to ignore, and those are the times you need to just keep doing what you love doing. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Republican candidate Ben Carson told reporters he thinks American prisons might be too comfortable. As opposed to Mexican prisons that have personal showers with $5 million escape tunnels. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Donald Trump said he still wants to look more closely at Obama’s birth certificate to make sure that it’s real. Incidentally, President Obama said the same exact thing about Donald Trump’s hair. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Vladimir Putin celebrated his 63rd birthday today. He had a nice party, but it got awkward when two of his friends got him the same country. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) This week, Georgia’s board of education approved a plan that allows teachers to keep using the word Evolution when teaching biology. Though, as a compromise, dinosaurs are now called Jesus Horses. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Thinking about all that - what it means to be happy - I think it overloaded your brain (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) A new study found that most people can’t go 10 minutes without lying. But since the study took 20 minutes nobody knows what to believe. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) I just really don’t like being the center of attention that much. It’s kind of ironic. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Democrats have been doing everything they can to get young people and college students to vote in the midterms. Though if you want students to participate in something, maybe you shouldn’t call them midterms. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) You’ve never had a job that you thought was secure. You don’t think the Tonight Show is risk free. Especially when you saw what happened with your buddy Conan O’Brien. There is always a Plan B.I am ready to apply to the post office. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) The key to happiness. Hm.... There are just so many factors. I think it’s just a way of being. It’s about.... every little thing in moderation. Whether it be stress, anger, joy, depression. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) The federal government is starting to plan for climate change by making extended forecasts that can help people plan for extreme weather - because what can go wrong when you combine the efficiency of government with the accuracy of weathermen? (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) My wife and I got engaged in New Hampshire at this lake house that her family’s had forever, and it’s on Lake Winnipesaukee. And so we went there every summer as we were dating. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) You run on the treadmill. But you need to stop watching The Food Network when you’re doing it. That is how you torture yourself. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) As gas prices continue to drop, 28 states are now selling regular gasoline for less than $2 a gallon. It’s getting cheaper to pump two gallons of gas outside the station than it is to pump two squirts of nacho cheese inside. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) At a recent education summit, President Obama admitted that he can’t rap. When they heard, Americans said, ‘Good!’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Wearing shorts is a huge perk. I think it’s probably one of the reasons people become mailmen. You also get to drive in that vehicle that should be illegal in the United States, where the steering wheel is on the other side. They have no rules! They are the punk rock of government jobs. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) We have a really, really great dog. It doesn’t bark. My dog almost smiles, which is weird. He’s just a very happy dog. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Sources say the Obama administration is in the ‘final stages’ of planning the closing of Guantanamo Bay. The way it’s gonna work is, they’re going to put a Radio Shack sign out front and let nature take its course. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) As you can imagine, with Hillary Clinton being here, security is very tight. The Secret Service has been here all day sweeping the halls, the offices, the hard drives... It’s tight. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Anything I learned was just work hard, just keep working and don’t worry about the outside stuff. Whatever happens will happen. (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Apparently President Obama’s favorite cocktail is a martini. When asked how he likes it, he said, ‘On the beach, in Hawaii, in 2017.’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)

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