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Bill Burr Quotes

It was right after 9/11 and I decided to walk around the grounds of the Pentagon, because I had never been there. Out of nowhere comes this speeding camouflaged golf cart and this guy starts yelling at me, ‘What do you think you’re doing!’ The guy wrote my name down and began to follow me before I got really scared and took off as fast as I could Picture Quote #1

You wanna know how you know you’re informed as a protestor? They don’t show your interview on TV Picture Quote #1

Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet Picture Quote #1

God’s everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he’s mad at me down there, and I owe you money? Picture Quote #1

A lot of my fears and anxieties are the fears and anxieties of a six-year-old boy. When I finally confront them, they’re really small Picture Quote #1

I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it Picture Quote #1

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I have this weird sort of Gemini thing where I can really be empathetic and a loving person. But if you piss me off, I can be one of the meanest, most sadistic people Picture Quote #1

I gotta be honest with you. I’m kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels? Picture Quote #1

I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed Picture Quote #1

I love doing radio, and I love doing stand-up, obviously. I’m good flying up to four hours, but anything past that, I want to kill myself Picture Quote #1

I love making movies, and being in any that I can be in. I’d like to be in those giant movies, as the fifth or sixth lead, and have three or four killer scenes. You don’t have the responsibility of the entire movie being on you. I like those roles. I’m shooting for the middle Picture Quote #1

Some guy workin’ at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can’t do it, because whores don’t care about lumber Picture Quote #1

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Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men! Picture Quote #1

Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into Picture Quote #1

You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober Picture Quote #1

Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10 Picture Quote #1

Deny your emotions and act like you have answers Picture Quote #1

Comedians have the ability to feel other emotions Picture Quote #1

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I’m not easy to live with. My wife is a saint Picture Quote #1

I think it’s a privilege to be able to fly to somewhere where people want to see my show Picture Quote #1

I’m always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn’t get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what’s bugging me Picture Quote #1

You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can’t believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me Picture Quote #1

I wish they would teach it in schools: Give people the belief that they are going to do well. A lot of people are really talented and scared to follow their talent because you don’t know where it’s going Picture Quote #1

I’m trying to get away from trashing women, to be honest. I think I’ve done enough of that in my career Picture Quote #1

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I’ve never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It’s always the little things that do me in Picture Quote #1

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I’m just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again Picture Quote #1

Once you do a joke and it works it’s only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel Picture Quote #1

If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene Picture Quote #1

Acting in a sitcom or a comedy movie is like a comedy routine with the setups Picture Quote #1

Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

It was right after 9/11 and I decided to walk around the grounds of the Pentagon, because I had never been there. Out of nowhere comes this speeding camouflaged golf cart and this guy starts yelling at me, ‘What do you think you’re doing!’ The guy wrote my name down and began to follow me before I got really scared and took off as fast as I could. (Bill Burr Quotes) You wanna know how you know you’re informed as a protestor? They don’t show your interview on TV (Bill Burr Quotes) Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet (Bill Burr Quotes) God’s everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he’s mad at me down there, and I owe you money? (Bill Burr Quotes) A lot of my fears and anxieties are the fears and anxieties of a six-year-old boy. When I finally confront them, they’re really small (Bill Burr Quotes) I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it (Bill Burr Quotes) I have this weird sort of Gemini thing where I can really be empathetic and a loving person. But if you piss me off, I can be one of the meanest, most sadistic people (Bill Burr Quotes) I gotta be honest with you. I’m kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels? (Bill Burr Quotes) I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed (Bill Burr Quotes) I love doing radio, and I love doing stand-up, obviously. I’m good flying up to four hours, but anything past that, I want to kill myself (Bill Burr Quotes) I love making movies, and being in any that I can be in. I’d like to be in those giant movies, as the fifth or sixth lead, and have three or four killer scenes. You don’t have the responsibility of the entire movie being on you. I like those roles. I’m shooting for the middle (Bill Burr Quotes) Some guy workin’ at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can’t do it, because whores don’t care about lumber (Bill Burr Quotes) Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men! (Bill Burr Quotes) Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into (Bill Burr Quotes) You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober (Bill Burr Quotes) Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10 (Bill Burr Quotes) Deny your emotions and act like you have answers (Bill Burr Quotes) Comedians have the ability to feel other emotions (Bill Burr Quotes) I’m not easy to live with. My wife is a saint (Bill Burr Quotes) I think it’s a privilege to be able to fly to somewhere where people want to see my show (Bill Burr Quotes) I’m always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn’t get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what’s bugging me (Bill Burr Quotes) You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can’t believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me (Bill Burr Quotes) I wish they would teach it in schools: Give people the belief that they are going to do well. A lot of people are really talented and scared to follow their talent because you don’t know where it’s going (Bill Burr Quotes) I’m trying to get away from trashing women, to be honest. I think I’ve done enough of that in my career (Bill Burr Quotes) I’ve never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It’s always the little things that do me in (Bill Burr Quotes) To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I’m just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again (Bill Burr Quotes) Once you do a joke and it works it’s only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel (Bill Burr Quotes) If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene (Bill Burr Quotes) Acting in a sitcom or a comedy movie is like a comedy routine with the setups (Bill Burr Quotes) Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog (Bill Burr Quotes)

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