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Adam Carolla Quotes

I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time Picture Quote #1

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy! Picture Quote #1

I guess my feeling is is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make Picture Quote #1

California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart Picture Quote #1

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month Picture Quote #1

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible Picture Quote #1

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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality Picture Quote #1

If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed Picture Quote #1

You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society Picture Quote #1

I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other Picture Quote #1

I think we’re getting to the point where everyone’s getting fat and everyone’s getting allergic, or claims to be allergic to something and people can’t walk from their front door to their car without a bottle of water in their hand because they have to hydrate every three and half steps Picture Quote #1

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life Picture Quote #1

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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it Picture Quote #1

Everyone keeps saying, Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating. It’s like saying, How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt? I don’t care Picture Quote #1

No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader Picture Quote #1

I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the ‘Every vote counts.’ Picture Quote #1

I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist Picture Quote #1

When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself Picture Quote #1

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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes Picture Quote #1

I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing Picture Quote #1

You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it Picture Quote #1

I’m a comedian, not a politician Picture Quote #1

I’d never hurt another person Picture Quote #1

I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world Picture Quote #1

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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust Picture Quote #1

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that Picture Quote #1

If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station Picture Quote #1

Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes Picture Quote #1

I am not a good cue card reader Picture Quote #1

I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time. (Adam Carolla Quotes) When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy! (Adam Carolla Quotes) I guess my feeling is is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make. (Adam Carolla Quotes) California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart. (Adam Carolla Quotes) [Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month. (Adam Carolla Quotes) Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible. (Adam Carolla Quotes) I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality. (Adam Carolla Quotes) If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed (Adam Carolla Quotes) You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society. (Adam Carolla Quotes) I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other (Adam Carolla Quotes) I think we’re getting to the point where everyone’s getting fat and everyone’s getting allergic, or claims to be allergic to something and people can’t walk from their front door to their car without a bottle of water in their hand because they have to hydrate every three and half steps. (Adam Carolla Quotes) If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life. (Adam Carolla Quotes) If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it (Adam Carolla Quotes) Everyone keeps saying, Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating. It’s like saying, How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt? I don’t care. (Adam Carolla Quotes) No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader. (Adam Carolla Quotes) I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the ‘Every vote counts.’ (Adam Carolla Quotes) I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist (Adam Carolla Quotes) When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself (Adam Carolla Quotes) Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes (Adam Carolla Quotes) I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing (Adam Carolla Quotes) You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it (Adam Carolla Quotes) I’m a comedian, not a politician (Adam Carolla Quotes) I’d never hurt another person (Adam Carolla Quotes) I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world (Adam Carolla Quotes) When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust (Adam Carolla Quotes) I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that (Adam Carolla Quotes) If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station (Adam Carolla Quotes) Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes (Adam Carolla Quotes) I am not a good cue card reader (Adam Carolla Quotes) I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future (Adam Carolla Quotes)

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