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Tommy Cooper Quotes

I had a ploughman’s lunch the other day. He wasn’t very happy Picture Quote #1

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away Picture Quote #1

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure Picture Quote #1

So he said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.’ I thought ‘That’s a turn - up for the books Picture Quote #1

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair Picture Quote #1

‘Doc, I can’t stop singing the green green grass of home. ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’. ‘Is it common?’ ‘It’s not unusual.’ Picture Quote #1

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Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I’ll man the guns Picture Quote #1

So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur’s close and the taxi driver says, don’t worry we’ll lose him at the next lights Picture Quote #1

So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I’ve been on telly but I’m no Dean Martin Picture Quote #1

I bought some HP sauce the other day. It’s costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years Picture Quote #1

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, ‘have you got anything for wind?’ So he gave me a kite Picture Quote #1

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: ‘Can I help, sir?’ ‘No thanks,’ says the blind bloke. ‘Just looking.’ Picture Quote #1

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So I rang up a local building firm, I said ‘I want a skip outside my house.’ He said ‘I’m not stopping you.’ Picture Quote #1

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, ‘Have you got frog’s legs?’ He said, ‘Yes,’ so I said, ‘Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.’ Picture Quote #1

I’m on a whisky diet. I’ve lost 3 days already Picture Quote #1

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows Picture Quote #1

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said

A woman tells her doctor, ‘I’ve got a bad back.’ The doctor says, ‘It’s old age.’ The woman says, ‘I want a second opinion.’ The doctor says: ‘Okay - you’re ugly as well.’ Picture Quote #1

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A policeman stopped me and said: Would you please blow into this bag, sir? I said: What for, officer? He said: My chips are too hot Picture Quote #1

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any Picture Quote #1

I had a ploughman’s lunch the other day. He wasn’t very happy Picture Quote #1

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off Picture Quote #1

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone Picture Quote #1

Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I had a ploughman’s lunch the other day. He wasn’t very happy. (Tommy Cooper Quotes) Went to the paper shop - it had blown away (Tommy Cooper Quotes) I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure (Tommy Cooper Quotes) So he said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.’ I thought ‘That’s a turn - up for the books (Tommy Cooper Quotes) I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair. (Tommy Cooper Quotes) ‘Doc, I can’t stop singing the green green grass of home. ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’. ‘Is it common?’ ‘It’s not unusual.’ (Tommy Cooper Quotes) Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I’ll man the guns (Tommy Cooper Quotes) So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur’s close and the taxi driver says, don’t worry we’ll lose him at the next lights. (Tommy Cooper Quotes) So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I’ve been on telly but I’m no Dean Martin. (Tommy Cooper Quotes) I bought some HP sauce the other day. It’s costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years. (Tommy Cooper Quotes) I went to the doctors the other day and I said, ‘have you got anything for wind?’ So he gave me a kite (Tommy Cooper Quotes) A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: ‘Can I help, sir?’ ‘No thanks,’ says the blind bloke. ‘Just looking.’ (Tommy Cooper Quotes) So I rang up a local building firm, I said ‘I want a skip outside my house.’ He said ‘I’m not stopping you.’ (Tommy Cooper Quotes) I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, ‘Have you got frog’s legs?’ He said, ‘Yes,’ so I said, ‘Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.’ (Tommy Cooper Quotes) I’m on a whisky diet. I’ve lost 3 days already (Tommy Cooper Quotes) I went window shopping today! I bought four windows (Tommy Cooper Quotes) You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said "Parking Fine." (Tommy Cooper Quotes) A woman tells her doctor, ‘I’ve got a bad back.’ The doctor says, ‘It’s old age.’ The woman says, ‘I want a second opinion.’ The doctor says: ‘Okay - you’re ugly as well.’ (Tommy Cooper Quotes) A policeman stopped me and said: Would you please blow into this bag, sir? I said: What for, officer? He said: My chips are too hot (Tommy Cooper Quotes) I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any (Tommy Cooper Quotes) I had a ploughman’s lunch the other day. He wasn’t very happy (Tommy Cooper Quotes) Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off (Tommy Cooper Quotes) Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone (Tommy Cooper Quotes)