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Steven Wright Quotes

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Text Quotes
They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic  (Steven Wright Quotes) I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory  (Steven Wright Quotes) Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!  (Steven Wright Quotes) I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add  (Steven Wright Quotes) Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle  (Steven Wright Quotes) How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?  (Steven Wright Quotes) Does fuzzy logic tickle?  (Steven Wright Quotes) Is it possible to be totally partial?  (Steven Wright Quotes) Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor  (Steven Wright Quotes) The doctor says he has to amputate all of me  (Steven Wright Quotes) I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else’s property  (Steven Wright Quotes) Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?  (Steven Wright Quotes) I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying  (Steven Wright Quotes) Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?  (Steven Wright Quotes) If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?  (Steven Wright Quotes) I had amnesia once or twice  (Steven Wright Quotes) What happens if you get scared half to death twice?  (Steven Wright Quotes) Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?  (Steven Wright Quotes) Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?  (Steven Wright Quotes) If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?  (Steven Wright Quotes) I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one  (Steven Wright Quotes) I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity  (Steven Wright Quotes) How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?  (Steven Wright Quotes) I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met  (Steven Wright Quotes) I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot  (Steven Wright Quotes) When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?  (Steven Wright Quotes) What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?  (Steven Wright Quotes) Always remember your unique, just like everone else  (Steven Wright Quotes) I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It’s a start  (Steven Wright Quotes) I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter  (Steven Wright Quotes)
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