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Steven Wright Quotes

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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell  (Steven Wright Quotes) There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot  (Steven Wright Quotes) Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines  (Steven Wright Quotes) I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder  (Steven Wright Quotes) The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese  (Steven Wright Quotes) At one point he decided enough was enough  (Steven Wright Quotes) Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect  (Steven Wright Quotes) Hermits have no peer pressure  (Steven Wright Quotes) I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol  (Steven Wright Quotes) I wrote a few children’s books... not on purpose  (Steven Wright Quotes) If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?  (Steven Wright Quotes) If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?  (Steven Wright Quotes) If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?  (Steven Wright Quotes) If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?  (Steven Wright Quotes) If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?  (Steven Wright Quotes) Is it weird in here, or is it just me?  (Steven Wright Quotes) My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can’t get out  (Steven Wright Quotes) On the other hand, you have different fingers  (Steven Wright Quotes) What a nice night for an evening  (Steven Wright Quotes) Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories  (Steven Wright Quotes) Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff  (Steven Wright Quotes) You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?  (Steven Wright Quotes) A metaphor is like a simile  (Steven Wright Quotes) Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home  (Steven Wright Quotes) A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory  (Steven Wright Quotes) Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it  (Steven Wright Quotes) If I ever had twins, I’d use one for parts  (Steven Wright Quotes) I thought I would be a guy on the radio  (Steven Wright Quotes) I’m addicted to placebos  (Steven Wright Quotes) My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time  (Steven Wright Quotes)
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