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Steven Wright Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
I’m a peripheral visionary (Steven Wright Quotes)
Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate (Steven Wright Quotes)
Why are they called a-part-ments, when they’re all stuck together (Steven Wright Quotes)
It’s like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules (Steven Wright Quotes)
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it (Steven Wright Quotes)
Do fish get cramps after eating? (Steven Wright Quotes)
I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity. (Steven Wright Quotes)
Once I tried to kill myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying. (Steven Wright Quotes)
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out (Steven Wright Quotes)
Isn’t the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut? (Steven Wright Quotes)
For my sister’s 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram (Steven Wright Quotes)
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered. (Steven Wright Quotes)
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy. (Steven Wright Quotes)
I wrote a few children’s books... not on purpose. (Steven Wright Quotes)
I got a garage door opener. It can’t close. Just open. (Steven Wright Quotes)
I had my coat hangers spayed (Steven Wright Quotes)
My father was a small claims court jester (Steven Wright Quotes)
Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, What for? (Steven Wright Quotes)
Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time (Steven Wright Quotes)
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new? (Steven Wright Quotes)
Because I don’t believe everything I read (Steven Wright Quotes)
If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet? (Steven Wright Quotes)
If you melt dry ice in a pool and go swimming, will you get wet? (Steven Wright Quotes)
It’s a fine night to have an evening (Steven Wright Quotes)
The sky is falling. No, I’m tipping over backwards. (Steven Wright Quotes)
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions (Steven Wright Quotes)
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills? (Steven Wright Quotes)
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good (Steven Wright Quotes)
I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn’t hear it (Steven Wright Quotes)
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg. (Steven Wright Quotes)